The Lighthouse
by Verbl Kint 187
Summary: The guiding light in darkness.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, it is in fact owned by Gainax. Neither is there any intention to copy the works of any other writers. Any similarities in plot, situations, character dialogue, etc. found between this fic and any other fic is unintentional and purely coincidental.**

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Kensuke offered his hand to Keiko and pulled her up to the top.

"I feel like I need a tetanus shot just looking at this place." Keiko said and dusted herself off. "I can't believe you guys used to hang out here."

"It wasn't always this bad. It was a pretty stable place when we hung out." Kensuke stepped outside of the glass enclosure of the lighthouse point and tested the rusted railing. It creaked and groaned.

"How long ago was that?" Keiko pulled her coat tight around her body. The wind picked up and blew her shoulder length hair in her face. She sputtered and quickly brushed it out of her eyes.

"About…seven, maybe eight years ago when I last hung out with them." Kensuke pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and thrust his hands into his pockets, gazing out across the bay. The bay was where the UN forces and the JSSDF set up their initial defense of the first angel attack. He remembered watching the footage on the television.

The moon reflected off the glassy waters. He couldn't even see the buildings beneath the surface. How long was it really? Six years since he last saw Shinji and Asuka. Four years since he last saw Toji and Hikari. Two years since he last spoke to Toji. Seven, maybe eight years since he sat with Asuka, Shinji, Toji and Hikari, smoking joints with them.

They would sit on the walkway around the top of the lighthouse. Asuka or Toji would fire one up. It would be passed to Shinji, to Kensuke, to Hikari who would take small puffs, guiltily, before passing it back. On the rare occasion that Rei joined them, Hikari wouldn't smoke at all, since Rei always declined. It wasn't a stoner hang out. It was their hang out. And they would sit and just look across the water, or they would look up at the sky, at the stars. Most of the time they sat in silence, sometimes talking about inane things. But it was comfortable. It was a place to forget.

"Ken, it's cold up here. And it's getting late. Let's go back to the hotel." Keiko rubbed her arms.

"Mm." He took one last look. "All right. Let's go."

**The Lighthouse**

**Chapter 1**

Kensuke had kept himself in the shadows during the funeral. He didn't know why. He wanted to go up to Toji, to comfort him, but he felt uneasy being there. His name had been on the registry, Kensuke Aida plus guest. But he still felt like an intruder. He didn't see anyone he really knew. It was a small funeral. He recognized Nozomi and Kodama, but he didn't really know them all that well. Mostly in passing from Toji and Hikari's wedding. The rest looked like family. Toji's family, Hikari's family. The Horaki Family was the larger of the two by a great deal. He picked out Aiko, Toji's sister, from the crowd. She had grown into a beautiful young woman, despite her limp. She went up to Toji and they hugged fiercely.

Kensuke realized why he was uncomfortable. It regarded his notepad, his pen and his micro-cassette recorder. Keiko had gone off to talk to the family members, leaving him alone near the refreshments table. He watched her talk to them, quickly ingratiate herself with them. She had always been good at finding the right thing to say in the right situation. Unlike Kensuke.

When the service finally started, Kensuke had opted to sit in the back of the room. Keiko had joined him of course, though not understanding why he chose to sit away from his long time friend. During the service he looked around the room, looking for familiar faces. He realized that Shinji, Asuka and Rei were nowhere to be found. Neither was there Misato, nor any other NERV affiliated acquaintances. It didn't make sense. Though the papers had said the incident was because of a military mishap, he would've thought that NERV would've come out for one of their own.

The service ended and Kensuke left quickly, getting back to his car and proceeding to the cemetery on his own. Keiko had stopped asking why he was acting so strangely, for which he was grateful. By the time they made it to the cemetery, the sun was setting. The sky was a dark orange hue and Tokyo-3 was just a black blurb against the horizon. He looked back to the where the families congregated around the memorial marker. An ominous black obelisk. Apparently her ashes had already been buried, prior to the service. Keiko stood with them.

Kensuke stood away from the group, hands in his pockets, fingering his pen and his recorder. He found himself nervously chewing on his lower lip and stopped himself. He took a few steps forward, thought better of it and then turned away breathing a heavy sigh. Why did he feel like shit? He knew why. He knew the very reason why. He took out his recorder and checked the micro-cassette, making sure that there was actually one inside. He gripped it tightly and looked down to the bottom of the hill where the cars were parked. Something caught his eye.

Against the orange backdrop, another black blurb coming up the road. A line of black cars…no…SUVs…no…humvees. It was a military column. Humvees led the procession and covered the rear. Sedans were sandwiched between them. Shit.

Kensuke looked back at the families. They seemed to be done. They were slowly dispersing, talking amongst each other. He lost sight of Keiko. He turned and looked back to the road. The military column was slowing. He turned and made a beeline to Toji who stood proud, despite the occasion.

"Hey." Kensuke said, already feeling himself turn red.

"Kensuke." Toji looked at him, surprise on his face. "You came."

"Yeah, how could I not?" Kensuke thought his laugh sounded weak and forced, and felt himself turn even redder.

"Um…I didn't mean it…" Toji didn't move at all, his face seemingly frozen in apprehension and uncertainty. "It's just I thought you were still up in Hokkaido…Sapporo was it?"

Had it really been that long since he last saw Toji?

"It's not a problem. You're a friend, man." Kensuke fingered the record button. "Hey, I made plans as soon as…"

"Toji…" A very familiar voice spoke from behind him.

Kensuke turned and met dark blue eyes, set in a face made weary by constant lines of sadness and grief. A thin figure, done up in a crisp, black military uniform with officer's bars on the collar. He even wore snappy black leather gloves. Shinji, quickly looked away.

"Toji…" He said again. "I'm…uh…I'm…"

Kensuke wondered if he really changed that much so that his other friend couldn't even recognize him. He turned to look at Toji and saw his lip quivering. Toji's eyes grew weepy, his entire body tense, his fists balled up so the knuckles were white. Shit, he was going to clock Shinji again.

"So…sorry…" Shinji finally managed to say, cringing, grimacing, shrinking back as if he, too, expected the fist to fly.

Toji lunged forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Shinji and began to bawl.

"I'm…sorry…" Shinji looked panicked and his movements were jerky as he gently returned the embrace.

Toji's large frame shook and shuddered, quaked and shivered. His sobs were muffled. He looked as though he were going to snap Shinji in half if he hugged any tighter. But Shinji didn't seem bothered by it.

"Sh-she's gone…" Toji wept unashamedly. "Sh-Shinji…oh G-God…Shinji…she's gone man…she's gone…"

Well, shit, one disaster averted.

Kensuke began to search the crowd. The military had finally arrived. It was now or never time. Now or never, Kensuke. Look for the angle. Look for the opening.

A younger man, perhaps in his early-thirties in a similar, impeccable black military uniform. Captain's bars. Next to him was…a very familiar purple haired woman. Misato looked much older. Her red jacket was the same from all those years ago, but it had lost its shine. It had dulled into a maroon color. Same with her beret. The officer and Misato spoke with an older man, probably Mr. Horaki.

Near the marker, a Caucasoid looking young man with blonde hair kneeled with a rosary in his hands. His head was bowed, his eyes closed, and he muttered under his breath his fingers moving from bead to bead. He was dressed in NERV's black military dress uniform. He couldn't have been older than Kensuke.

Rei. There was no mistaking the blue hair. She looked like she had aged ten years. That's all that changed. Her uniform managed to look even cleaner and crisper than everyone else's. It still had creases. She wore a clean black beret, sunglasses, and stood at a distance. Kensuke saw her red eyes through the lenses of her sunglasses and felt them bore into his skull, into his mind, reading his thoughts and judging him. He shuddered and looked away. Jesus…Jesus…

Where was Keiko?

There, talking to the kids. No other family members around. Perfect. He took a deep breath and began a confident stride toward them. What were their names again? Kimiko? Jun? Something like that.

"Hey there." Kensuke said and tried to put on a smile as he approached. He felt like such a fucking snake. It'll pass in time, Aoto had said through his oily grin, you just have to keep doing it 'til it no longer bothers you.

"Hi honey. This is Ryoko and Shotaro."

Fuck. He had been way off.

"Hi there." He kneeled, still smiling, pulling out his recorder. "I'm a friend of your dad's."

"Ken, Ryoko is…how old? Two?" Keiko asked with a mock clueless look.

"Six." Ryoko Suzuhara giggled, despite the occasion.

"No!" Keiko feigned surprise. "And Shotaro is…ten."

"Four." Shotaro Suzuhara mumbled through his grin, his fingers in his mouth.

Kensuke wished Keiko would just shut up. He could feel his guilt pierce his heart. He just smiled and tried to steel himself.

"So…" This is your career on the line, he told himself. "How do you feel…"

His fingers popped as leather clad gloves ripped his recorder from his hands.

"What the fuck is this?"

"What the hell?" Kensuke stumbled as he rose.

The children started to cry.

"You make me fucking sick." Asuka popped the recorder and ripped out the tape. "You have the fucking nerve to come here of all places and pull this shit." She flung the recorder out and down the hill without looking.

"What the fuck?" Kensuke cried out.

"What are you going to do about it?" Blazing blue eyes ready to maim.

Kensuke gave out a grunt and he was shoved back forcefully, off balance.

"What are you going to do about it? Huh?" Asuka advanced, continuously pushing him, keeping him off balance. A predatory advance, lithe and quick. "Get the fuck out of here you fucking parasite."

"Asuka!" Shinji materialized alongside Rei, each grabbing a hold of one of Asuka's arms.

"Not here." Rei's soft voice barely managed to reach Kensuke's ears. He didn't know if that was meant for him or for Asuka. Maybe both.

"Let go of me!" Asuka yelled pulling and straining. "Let go! Fuck!"

The children wailed. The air was filled with murmurs.

Soldiers rushed up and helped Shinji and Rei hold Asuka back.

"Not me! Not me! Get that fucking leach out of here! Coming here for a fucking story! Fucking worm! Fucking parasite! You goddamn…" Asuka was cut short as Misato finally reached the scene and grabbed a fistful of Asuka's uniform.

Asuka was yanked in and Misato whispered something in her ear. Asuka stopped struggling.

"I can't stay." Kensuke heard Asuka say to Shinji, calmer. "I'm going to get…" He strained to hear her trailing voice as she turned away. "…meet you at home."

Asuka retreated down the hill in her strong, willful gait, surrounded by soldiers. Her hair trailed behind her like flames.

"Who was that?" Keiko asked in a shaky voice.

"The Red Devil." Kensuke muttered softly, more to himself. Damn it, he hadn't even seen her. If he had…

"Who?"

"No one important." Kensuke sighed, feeling his face burn. Shit, if he had seen her he wouldn't have…

"I think this is yours."

Kensuke turned to see Toji holding his micro-cassette recorder. He all of a sudden wasn't so skeptical of spontaneous combustion.

"Uh…thank you." Kensuke didn't know what else to say. He could feel Toji eye him up and down as he took his recorder and pocketed it as quickly as he could.

"Thank you." Toji placed his hands on Kensuke's shoulders and gripped them tightly. "Thank you for coming."

Kensuke found himself in a quick bear hug.

"Yeah…sorry."

"I'm really sorry about that Toji." Shinji approached, apprehension and anxiety on his face, his hands looking for something to do. "I…she's just really emotional…"

"Don't worry about it." Toji released Kensuke and turned to hug Shinji. "I understand how she feels man. I do."

Fuck, it was if everyone was conspiring to make him feel even worse.

"Hey," Toji released Shinji and stepped back. "I should take the kids home. You tell the Red Devil not to worry about it. Okay?"

"Yeah." Shinji waved goodbye. "I'll do that. I'll give you a call soon."

Toji returned the wave and gathered up his kids, his sister in tow.

Shinji's hand dropped as if he had been holding it up all day. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

"She's still got a temper on her, huh?" Kensuke asked.

"Yeah…" Shinji said absently.

Kensuke just waited, but realized Shinji was too lost in his own thoughts. Same old, same old.

"Wait…Kensuke?" He finally did a double take.

"What's up Shinji?" Kensuke forced himself to smile and tried to forget the embarrassing events.

"You came! Damn, I didn't even recognize you!" Shinji smiled. It was a sad smile. But it was genuine. He stepped forward, arms out for a hug, but then hesitated.

Kensuke hesitated as well, but eventually took the extra step and embraced Shinji.

"Sorry." Shinji laughed. "Toji…he's kinda got me on the touchy feely thing."

"Yeah, I noticed." Shit…he needed a drink. Even with the people leaving, he could feel their looks, their disapproval. "Looks like…everyone is going."

"Yeah…" Shinji nodded, his eyes drifting over to Keiko.

"Oh! Shinji Ikari, Keiko Matsunaga. Keiko, Shinji." Kensuke kicked himself.

"How do you do." Shinji bowed.

"Nice to meet you." Keiko bowed as well.

"Shinji, we are going." The blonde haired Caucasoid spoke in heavily accented Japanese.

Rei stood nearby.

Kensuke made eye contact through her damn sunglasses again. His skin crawled.

"Aida." And a slight nod was all the acknowledgement he got. He shouldn't be surprised that she remembered.

"Um…well…uh…" Shinji seemed to look back and forth, his ever present uncertainty. "I…Kensuke, you doing anything?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

"No…not really."

"You wanna get a drink? Catch up? I know this bar we can get cheap drinks at."

Shinji, you're a fucking lifesaver. It was exactly what Kensuke needed and he could feel the stress leaving him as he thought about it.

"Yeah, that sounds great. Wonderful."

"All right. I'll see you guys tomorrow, I'm going to get a drink with Kensuke." Shinji waved to the Caucasoid who just smiled and walked down the hill.

"Shinji." Rei walked in close to Shinji and spoke in a low voice. "Not too much."

"Yeah, I know." Shinji sighed. "I know. I promise."

Rei nodded and walked away.

"So…" Kensuke began. "Where is this place?"

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The evening crowd had just begun to gather in the Red Raccoon Bar. It was a two story establishment on the outskirts of Tokyo-3 made out of plain wood without paint. A raccoon statue with a red sign displaying the bar's name sat outside of the front door.

The lighting inside was subdued. Games of hanafuda went on in the back booths of the bar. Just about half of the patrons sat around without shirts, tattoos exposed for anyone to see. Several TV's were suspended throughout the bar, each tuned in to a baseball game.

Asuka stepped into the bar and lit an unfiltered cigarette. The bar seats were completely occupied with hard-cases, but when Asuka approached several seats vacated. She took a seat and took a drag.

"Kitao here?" She asked the bartender.

"Yeah." Kenji the bartender said and served her a glass.

Asuka drained the glass without coming up for air.

"My ears are burning. Someone talking about me?" Kitao Asano walked up all smiles in his usual black, broad pinstripe suit.

"Yep." Asuka licked her lips and took another drag from her cigarette. "I'm looking for a little more than beer."

"Right to business? No hello? How are you?" Kitao put on his look of mock hurt, clutching at his heart.

"I'm in no mood. Just give me some…"

"Whoa, hey, not out loud." Kitao smirked and looked around mock indiscreetly. "Not that anyone here would say anything, but prying ears are always about. Come on, to my office."

Asuka sighed and beat down her ill humor. It wasn't his fault. She shouldn't be pissed at him.

"I'm sorry." She pulled her beret off her head and tucked it into her belt. "How are you?"

"I'm doing quite well, thank you for asking." Kitao bowed with a flourish. "How are you?"

"Shitty. I need something good. Choco, if you have it." Asuka reached for the bills in her pocket, her palms damp, clammy.

"My, my, going high class are we?" Kitao beckoned her with a wave of his hand. "Going back to the homeland of Germany? Feeling homesick? Watanabe! My office! Merchandise!"

Asuka quickly slipped the wad of cash into his other hand. Fuck, just get it over with.

"If I didn't know better, I would think you were trying to grab my ass." Kitao blew a kiss at her.

"Fuck you. I'm in a shitty mood. I've had just about all I can take." Asuka stopped herself from grinding her teeth.

"All right, I'm sorry." Kitao dropped the smile like it was used condom.

Asuka followed Kitao to the back of the bar and up the flight of stair to the second floor. Down a short hallway. Room 201. She shuddered. Fuck, just…just don't think about it. Past the restrooms, into Kitao's office. It overlooked the lonely road on which the bar was located. There were no cars, and the sun's last rays shone over the tops of the buildings. Asuka saw all those things before Kitao shut the blinds.

"Watanabe will be a little while. Have a seat." Kitao motioned as he took the seat behind his desk.

Kitao was actually in his early fifties, but he looked as if he were still in his early forties. He was a fit figure, with only a few silver streaks in his hair. His office was sparsely decorated, a few old samurai paintings, a book shelf, his desk, and a footlocker. His desk had an ashtray, which Asuka used to douse her cigarette before lighting another one. It also had a coffee cup used to hold pens. A picture of his family and his children sat framed at the edge of the desk.

"How are you, really?" Kitao asked, lighting up his own cigarette. "Whiskey?"

"Please." Asuka felt a migraine coming on and rubbed her sinuses.

Kitao reached into one of his desk drawers and pulled out two whiskey glasses and a bottle. He poured a little in each and handed Asuka her glass.

"Many thanks." She tossed it back and placed the empty glass on the desktop.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You're looking a little sallow. Are you taking it easy? Has it gone up? Are you eating?"

"No. Yes. And no." Asuka leaned back and closed her eyes.

"Am I going to have to talk to Shinji?"

"Be my fucking guest." Asuka took a drag and tried to will her migraine away.

She heard Kitao sigh and heard his chair creak, imagining it was him shaking his head at her.

"How are your kids?"

"They're quite well, thank you." Kitao sounded exasperated. Good. He had given up.

"Sachiko pass her uni exam?"

"Placed first. Thank you, thank you, thank you again for that."

"She did it herself." Asuka took another drag and opened her eyes. "I just showed her how."

"Hiroshi didn't make the team cut though." Kitao sighed and sipped his whiskey. "I love him, but I'm beginning to think he just…really isn't good at sports." He laughed.

"Have you tried ballet?" Asuka allowed herself a smirk.

"Bite your tongue. He's not gay." Kitao pointed at her.

"I never said he was." Asuka laughed.

There was a slight knocking on the door. Asuka doused her cigarette, as did Kitao with his. Watanabe entered with a large lock box. He placed it on the desktop and Asuka had to stop herself from shaking her leg, from biting her lip, from going wide-eyed in anticipation. About fucking time.

"Cash?" Kitao asked. "Oh, never mind, you already gave it to me. That's right. How much did you want?" He counted out the bills and whistled. "You going out of town or something? What the fuck?"

"Having a rough time. Not a word." She instructed.

Kitao shrugged.

"Your life." He said and opened the lockbox.

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Shinji stepped into the Red Raccoon Bar followed closely by Kensuke and Keiko. Cigarette smoke hung thick in the air.

"Kenji! How are the Dragons doing?" Shinji called out to the bartender.

"Up by two. Three one. Bottom of the seventh. You'll be a pretty wealthy man if the score holds." Kenji smiled and came out from behind the bar.

"Not just me." Shinji grinned. "You too." He'd have enough for at least a month if it paid out. Asuka would be thrilled.

"It was all you man, you called it. Yugawa can't pitch for shit in the cold." Kenji wiped his hands with a towel. "Friends?"

"Yeah, we're gonna want a steady stream of sake coming through. Warm." Shinji followed Kenji to the back corner booth, the one with the best view of the big TV hanging in the center of the room.

"Hey guys, fuck off. Take the game upstairs or something." Kenji rousted the thugs from the booth and cleaned it off. "I'll have someone bring it out for you guys in a couple of minutes. You want a pitcher to get you started?"

"Yeah, and uh…could we get a few rolls too."

"Sure. You got it."

Shinji looked over at Kensuke and Keiko who seemed to regard the establishment with wary eyes.

"Don't worry." Shinji said and tried to smile, feeling shame creeping up. "They…uh…they know me…" He had forgotten through habit exactly what kind of bar it was. Hell of a way to greet a friend after years of absence.

"Shinji Ikari." Kitao Asano approached, all smiles. "Don't you have a home? Not ten minutes ago Asuka was in here buying…"

Shit! Shinji ran his fingers across his lips.

"Whiskey. She picked up a couple bottles of my best stuff and went home. She wasn't looking too good. What's up?"

Shinji had always been impressed with how quickly Kitao thought on his feet. Close fucking call, that's what that was. Taking Kensuke and Keiko to the bar was bad enough, but them knowing…

"Our friend from high school died. She was a really good friend of Asuka's. The…uh…funeral was today." Shinji tried to smile.

"No shit?" Kitao lost his friendly demeanor. "Shouldn't you be with her?"

"She needs her alone time." Shinji sighed.

"With the amount of whiskey that she bought, you should probably be at home with her."

"We have a rule. We…uh…don't drink whiskey unless the other one is there too." Shinji looked over at Kensuke. He had been silent since they had entered the bar. "It's our rule. You know, so no one gets hurt without the other one around…" Shinji trailed off as he kept looking for a reaction from Kensuke.

"All right." Kitao sighed. "Hey, you take care of her. I'm worried about her. And take care of yourself too. I'm worried about both of you. Drinks are on me tonight. Get home as soon as the game is over."

"All right. Thank you." Shinji looked at Kensuke as Kitao left their booth. Kensuke and Keiko just stared. Damn it… "I…uh…they know me here."

"So I see." Kensuke spoke with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah." Time to divert the conversation elsewhere. "So…um…you two are…going…uh…going out?"

"Yeah." Kensuke smiled and Keiko moved in closer to him. "Met at the university. Going on…" Kensuke stopped and began to count on his fingers.

"Ken." Keiko hit him lightly.

"Three years." Kensuke said with a laugh.

"You guys going to get married?"

"Uh…we haven't really thought about it. We're living together and that's just about the same thing." Kensuke draped his arm around Keiko's shoulders as Kenji arrived with the pitcher of beer and three empty glasses.

"It works for us." The first complete sentence Keiko had spoken since Shinji had introduced himself. "We're both still trying to get started in our fields. We'll probably talk about it once we've settled down. Ken is trying to get a job as a reporter, I'm trying to get into the translations field."

"Oh? Translations?" Shinji asked and pulled out his pill bottle, popping two out into his hand and downing it with his beer. "Sorry, anxiety medication. Kensuke knows I need it."

"Mm." Keiko smiled. "Yeah, translations. Right now I'm translating English technical manuals for Japanese companies."

"Oh wow." Shinji nodded.

"Its mostly freelance work and the pay isn't the best, but if I can get into the notary business, international business contracts and documents, that'll be the top notch." Keiko sipped at her beer.

"What about you Shin-man? Full time working for NERV now? And I thought I heard that you're still living with the demon." Kensuke grinned mischievously.

"What?" Shinji went wide eyed. "Well, uh…" He laughed nervously. Damn. "It's not like that."

"You need new lines. That was the same excuse you two were using in high school."

"You and the…red head girl." Keiko looked puzzled.

"Asuka." Shinji tried to smile the best he could. But he knew it was coming out half assed. "Her name is Asuka. I lived with her in high school."

"Huh? But how…"

"Long story." Shinji cut her off. "Asuka, Rei and I became full time employees once we turned twenty. Got some university under my belt but when the war started back up again…you know…back to training.

"We moved out together as soon as we could…nineteen I think. I mean, it made sense. It was practical. We lived together that long and better each other than people we didn't know, right? And…we never had the occasion or the need to go our own ways."

"Ah." Kensuke looked uncertain.

Kensuke was different from how Shinji remembered. Or maybe it wasn't really different. Just…older. More mature. He didn't look like a kid. Whenever Shinji had thought about Kensuke, about the group, he always thought of them when they had been fourteen. Kensuke with his geeky military fetish and his video camera constantly on record. The thoughts of relationships had only begun to form in their minds. Even then, as high school progressed, Kensuke had never really tried his hand at the whole relationship thing, seeming to prefer his own extra curricular activities to trying to get a date. Then again…Shinji and Asuka had done the same thing. Maybe it just hadn't been as noticeable since their 'extra curricular activities' were the same, and so it made sense to spend time together.

"You guys didn't meet other people?" Keiko pressed curiously.

Shinji caught Kensuke's apologetic look. It was okay. He felt the pills kicking in.

"Not really." Shinji shrugged. "I'm not all that social and Asuka…uh…"

"She hates everyone, but hates Shinji a little less." Kensuke finished.

"Something like that." Shinji laughed.

-------

Misato groaned and sat down in the conference room. Since Gendo went away, meetings had been moved from the creepy office to an actual conference room. It had a nice carpet, a nice wood conference table, and it even had a little green plant in the corner that was watered twice a day.

"How was the funeral?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"One dead person and a lot of very sad people." Misato spoke in irritation, grimacing. "Asuka caused a scene. Assaulted some reporter."

There was a collective groan.

"We need an actual leash on her." Captain Ryuunosuke Takeda, Tactical Operations Director.

"Are we looking at another lawsuit?" Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki.

"No. The reporter was a former classmate, Kensuke Aida." Rei Ayanami, Section-2, Supervising Field Agent.

"What? That was Kensuke?" Sub-Commander Misato Katsuragi.

"Yes. After the funeral, Kensuke Aida and his partner, one Keiko Matsunaga, went to the Red Raccoon Bar with Shinji." Ayanami never sat, always standing by the door of the conference room. It creeped Misato out.

"When are we putting them through detox?" Takeda asked.

"Detox at this time would prove more detrimental to their mental health and may render them incapable of piloting in an emergency situation." Doctor Maya Ibuki paused to take a breath. "Their habit is minor and…"

"Minor?" Takeda tensed up. "Minor my left nut."

"Casualties of war, Captain." Rei said softly.

"Their habits are peripheral." Fuyutsuki waved his hand to silence Captain Takeda. "Was…Ken…Kei…"

"Kensuke Aida." Misato rested her chin on her arms. She just wanted to go home.

"Kensuke. Will he be a problem? Was he there on business or pleasure?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"Inconclusive." Rei opened a manila folder. "I suspect a little of both. But my team is running a check to be certain."

"Watch him. The last thing we need is for him to get any information on the children by taking advantage of their old friendship." Fuyutsuki spoke seriously.

"Yes sir. I was thinking the same."

"You think Kensuke would do that?" Misato asked, curious.

"He had a cassette recorder with him at the funeral." Rei said and closed the manila folder. "I wouldn't put much by him."

"What about that other reporter?" Fuyutsuki finished his glass of water.

"He'll be dealt with tonight." Rei tucked her folder under her arm.

"Good." Fuyutsuki nodded. "Good. Well, that's it then. Dismissed, all except Sub-Commander Katsuragi and Captain Takeda who will meet me in my office."

Misato sighed. Home would have to wait.

-------

The person in front of Kensuke wasn't Shinji. He looked like Shinji, he acted like Shinji, but it wasn't Shinji. The person in front of him had drunk twice as much as Kensuke. Kensuke felt tipsy, but the person in front of him wasn't even fazed. The person in front of him had taken anxiety pills that looked suspiciously like Vicodin.

Kensuke watched Shinji pull out a soft pack of unfiltered Cabin Cigarettes. Shinji hit the bottom of the pack and caught a cigarette on the way up. He helped it out with his lips and flipped out a silver Zippo lighter. Snick. And there was flame.

"Oh, sorry." Shinji looked embarrassed. "Do you mind?"

"No, please." Keiko said and wrinkled her nose in the way that gave away her distaste.

Shinji lit his cigarette and exhaled high into the air, like a smoke stack.

No, it was not the Shinji that Kensuke knew from all those years ago.

"I know it's a disgusting habit." Shinji pulled a face. "Got hooked when the war started."

"Who was that white guy at the funeral?" Kensuke asked, feeling for his tape recorder but then remembering that Asuka had taken the tape.

"White guy?" Shinji looked puzzled.

"The one with your people. He was praying?"

"Oh." Shinji took a drag from his cigarette. "That was Henry Bridger. The pilot for unit three."

"He's a pilot? What about Rei?"

"Rei was taken off of piloting. Her synch scores were the lowest and she wasn't having much luck with unit three. So…" Shinji took another drag. "So they moved her someplace where she would be of more use. Section-2."

"Section-2?"

"So you're an Eva pilot? You're the one that fought the angels?" Keiko asked and leaned forward.

"I am…" Shinji looked away. "One of the people who fought the angels. Yes." He turned back and gave a forced looking smile.

"Oh wow." Keiko all of a sudden looked interested. "Which one did you pilot?"

"I uh…pilot the big purple one." Shinji had gone from relaxed to looking extremely uncomfortable in a matter of minutes.

"That's so awesome. Kensuke showed me these videos that he made of the fights. He uses them as resume material for job applications…"

"Yeah." Kensuke butted in. Shinji didn't look too good. "Yeah, I hope you don't me exploiting you."

"Nah." Shinji took a drag and waved it off.

"So what about Section-2?"

"Oh…um…that's where Rei was moved…get him, get him, get him…" Shinji's attention was elsewhere.

Kensuke turned to see what had Shinji's attention. The baseball game.

"Yeah!" Shinji yelled and gave a thumbs up to the bartender who looked equally anxious. "One out. Two to go. Sorry." He turned back.

"Nah." Kensuke waved it off. "How much you gonna win?"

"Sh!" Shinji held up a finger. "Don't talk about it. Not until it's over."

Kensuke would've laughed at his friend's enthusiasm. Instead, he sat in silence. The drastic change in Shinji was nothing less than morbid.

"So where'd this Henry Bridger come from?" Kensuke asked.

"From…uh…shit, shit, shit…oh shit…" Shinji breathed a heavy sigh. "Foul ball. Thank God. Sorry, what?"

"Where's Henry Bridger from?"

"England. He came over the year after the war…fly! Oh! Out! One more." Shinji doused his cigarette.

Kensuke paused and just watched his friend. It was…sad. Shinji seemed more conversational, not quite so anti-social or reserved but…it seemed almost like he had gotten worse. As if…

"Out! Oh!" Shinji shot up, hands in the hair, laughing. Kenji the Bartender cheered and pointed at the TV screen. "Oh my goodness!"

"You called it!" Kenji turned to point at Shinji.

"How much you win?" Kensuke ventured to ask.

"Five million!" Shinji called out and fell back into the booth, laughing. "Kitao! Kitao Asano! Get your ass out here and pay me!" He continued to laugh.

"Yeah, yeah. The game's over now. You get the money if you promise to go home." The man in the black pinstripe suit began a walk across the bar, counting bills he had pulled from his pocket.

What the Hell was this place? Kensuke had felt uneasy about the bar from the moment he entered. Nothing but punks and goons populated the bar. He had felt the thugs eyeballing him. Not Shinji, just him. Him and Keiko. Shinji had walked in without hesitation. How long had Shinji been going to the Red Raccoon Bar? And how long had he known the people there? How did he know the people there? The gambling certainly wasn't legal. What else went on?

"I'll go home." Shinji held out his hand.

"Congratulations." The man named Kitao placed a wad of bills into Shinji's hand. "I'll get one of the guys to give you a ride home, so your friend…can your friend drive?"

"I can drive." Keiko piped up. "I haven't had much to drink. It's mostly been these two."

"Good. All right. Watanabe!" Kitao called back.

Kensuke felt his heart skip as a large man in a wife beater stepped out from the back. Tattoos ran up and down his arms and torso. He was ripped.

"Watanabe. Give Shinji a ride back to his place, would you?"

The gangster named Watanabe nodded and grabbed a leather jacket from behind the counter. He motioned to the door and pulled on the jacket.

"Sorry Ken. I got to get back."

"Nah, it's all right man. I'm going to be back in town for a while. Here's my card." Kensuke pulled his card from his wallet and took Shinji's.

"Thanks. I'll give you a call." Shinji stood up and stretched. "It was good seeing you again. Hopefully, I'll see you again in the near future."

"Yeah." Was all Kensuke could manage as he watched the man who was no longer Shinji, walk out of the bar with a gangster.

-------

Gouki Bunya tick-tick-ticked away on his computer. Adding images, the final touches on his article. The glow from the computer screen was the only source of light in his cluttered room. Boxes upon boxes of files, old articles, developed photos and contact lists were stacked up to four feet high. There was barely any space in his bedroom to move. A mouse click to upload his article to the newspaper's website.

**'PILOTS MAY HAVE BEEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE'**

He leaned back in his computer chair and smiled at his work. Then he noticed the smell…

Gouki opened his eyes. There was a strong wind. Very cold. It bit at his fingers and toes. His eyes burned, and his stomach churned. He opened his mouth and felt his lips crack. The blood did him in. He turned his head to the side and vomited. It had no body. It was all thin liquid and bile. He tried to move...but couldn't.

"Your hands and feet are bound." A soft voice cut through the wind. "I actually didn't expect you to be up."

Gouki twisted his head around and saw a young woman dressed entirely in black tying a piece of rope to big, iron, industrial weights. He looked at her eyes and saw red. Oh Christ.

"Please." He choked out through a sob. "Please don't. Whatever you want…"

"Don't beg. It's not dignified and will do you no good." She seemed to be finishing up the knot.

Gouki tried to swivel his head around. A smell of salt…he saw the ocean. They were right near the bay. He flipped over onto his stomach, away from his puke and nearly rolled off an edge. He looked down…several stories to crashing waves below.

"Oh God." He could feel the vomit rising back up. "Whatever you want, please, I can try…"

"I told you what I wanted and you ignored me. I told you what the consequences would be and you ignored me." The woman said and lifted up the weights by the rope. She shook it up and down, as if testing to see if it would hold.

"You're with NERV, aren't you? You sent that voicemail."

"That's right." She dropped the weights. They made a hard cracking sound against the concrete. Then she picked them back up and seemed to just hold it, suspended in mid air. Her gaze never left the knot.

"People will find me. The current will be…too strong." He could feel tears forcing their way up. "They'll find me!"

"I don't care if they do." She walked toward the edge, weights in hand.

"You can't do…" He wasn't able to finish.

Gouki felt his knees pop and the weights yanked him from the edge and pulled him down…down…down…his breath had been taken from his lungs before he even hit the water. It was so cold.

-------

Rei went back to her car and grabbed her night vision binoculars from the front seat. She went back to the edge and looked through them to the water. She waited for something, for anything. She scanned the waves. And she waited. After a considerable amount of time passed, she checked her watch. Ten minutes. Good enough.

She took out her cell phone and dialed Fuyutsuki.

"Hello?"

"It's done." She said and hung up.

Rei put her cell phone away and pondered the time. She looked at her watch again. 12:30. The bar would still be open.

She headed back to her car.

-------

Fuyutsuki hung up the phone and looked at his Sub-Commander and Tactical Officer.

"So?" Misato asked him, already knowing.

"The article is up, but the reporter is gone." Fuyutsuki sighed.

"Quite a few reporters have gone missing over the past year or so. Don't you think?" Takeda's voice was even. His words deliberate. "Kind of odd, actually. Certain people might draw a correlation between reporters' disappearances and articles they have written."

"That's quite enough, Captain. I've taken all the implied accusations I'm willing to take at this moment." Fuyutsuki stared right back at the prodigy tactician.

Takeda nodded and ran his hand through his hair.

"Are we done talking about the children?" He asked.

"We are."

"Then I'm going home." Takeda got up and put his beret on. "I have to come in to work early tomorrow."

Takeda left the room without looking back.

"He's trouble, that one." Misato got up.

"He's young and righteous." Fuyutsuki rubbed his eyes until he saw spots. "Get some sleep Katsuragi."

"I'm planning on it."

-------

The bath water had cooled. But Asuka felt no need to move. She took a drag from her cigarette, held it in, and then blew it all out.

_The sirens sounded. She came to in a haze. She looked around her bedroom, vision seriously blurred. She tried to read the time. Jesus fuck, she couldn't see a damn thing. When she tried to move, she felt as though she were spinning. She stopped and gripped her head. When everything stopped spinning, she looked over at Shinji. Still asleep. She reached over and shook him awake._

_"Huh?" He grunted without moving._

_"You fucking idiot. That's the alarm!"_

_"What?" He turned over. She couldn't even make out his features. He lay still for a moment before shooting straight up. "Are those the alarms?"_

_"Welcome to the world." Asuka grunted._

_Shinji slid out of bed and toppled to the floor. "Oh God." He groaned._

_"This isn't going to work." Asuka muttered to herself. _

_She reached over to her night stand and felt around for her cell phone. She found it and hit the speed dial._

_"Hello?" The voice on the other end answered softly._

_"Rei, we're in a bad fucking way."_

_"What's the problem?"_

_"Me and Shinji…" Asuka felt her face burn. "Just come and pick us up. We can't get to base."_

"Hey."

Asuka opened her eyes and directed them to the door. Shinji had already taken off his jacket and stood in the doorway looking sad. He always looked sad.

"Took you long enough." Asuka took a drag from her cigarette and let the ash fall into the bath water.

"Was a while, talking to Toji." Shinji said softly. "I won the bet I placed on the ball game. Five solid."

"Good." Asuka said and stood up. "Hand me my towel please."

Shinji grabbed it from the bathroom counter and held it to her.

Asuka wrapped the towel around herself and got out of the tub.

"Let's get started." She said and brushed past him.

-------

Toji tucked Shotaro into bed. His son was asleep already. That was good. Neither of them had been getting much sleep, though Toji didn't doubt that he'd be up again that night. He sat on the edge of his son's bed and gently stroked his light brown hair with his good hand. In the moonlit room, he could see his son's freckles. In the quiet, he could hear his son's breathing. The comforter was dark blue with stars on it.

Toji got up and left the room. Nozomi was waiting for him in the hall.

"How's he doing?" She asked.

"He's asleep." He replied and choked back tears.

Nozomi looked a lot like her sister. Short length light brown hair and freckles. She wore glasses that made her look like a librarian. He did his best to look at her and not see Hikari. It hurt like Hell.

"Thank you." He said and leaned against the wall. "For letting us stay. I know it's a lot of trouble. Tomorrow I have an interview with Kishimoto-Goto construction in the city. Later this week I'm looking at places in the city…"

"You can stay here as long as you need." Nozomi stepped in closer, brow furrowed. "You should take some time to mourn."

"Thank you, but no." Toji tried to smile. "I need to get back to work. I've been…I need to work. The bills need to be paid. And I can't stay here for long."

Nozomi nodded.

"If you need someone to baby sit the kids, I can try, between classes."

"Thank you." Touji nodded. "I think I'm going to get some sleep."

"All right. Good night." Nozomi smiled and walked by him to her room.

Toji stood in the hallway a little longer before walking downstairs. The Horaki household was large, traditional domicile with many rooms. It reminded Toji of when he would stay with relatives out in the countryside. Sliding doors, wooden floors and tatami mats. Hikari had decorated their apartment the same way. Lot of light brown and bamboo.

He stepped out onto the porch. The night smelled sweet. He could see the city lights off in the distance. He heard the growl of a bus passing by the house. Stepping out into the yard, he noticed that it was also traditionally decorated. There was a shrine where the picture of Hikari's mother had been situated many years ago. Now there was one with Hikari's picture.

Toji stopped in front of Hikari's shrine and kneeled on the cobble stones. His prosthetic leg clacked against the stones. He lit the candles which surrounded it, and then lit a stick of incense. The picture they had picked for the shrine was one of their family. Hikari smiled and carried their son, who looked at the camera with a bewildered expression, his index and middle finger planted in his mouth. Toji had his good arm around Hikari, and his prosthetic hand on his daughter's shoulder.

They looked beautiful.

-------

Their bedroom was sparsely decorated, as was the rest of their apartment. There was a king sized bed and two night stands, one on either side. Their dresser was pushed up against the wall near the window. In their closet, cleaned and pressed uniforms hung in meticulous order.

Shinji began to unbutton his dress shirt as Asuka let the towel covering her drop. She turned and grabbed him, pulling him closer to the bed. As he finished unbuttoning his shirt, she undid his belt buckle. His clothing was peeled off of him, bit by bit. He put his arms around her and gently pressed his lips against hers. Her mouth tasted like ashes and liquor. He was certain that his mouth tasted the same.

They moved to the center of the bed and pressed together. Shinji broke the embrace and began thrusting. Asuka moaned held the back of his neck with one hand. He felt her hand moving down by his crotch. He knew she was helping herself, but felt no offense. He didn't really want to wait either. He picked up the pace, feeling himself reaching his peak fast. He pounded harder and harder, grunting with each thrust. Her cries were short and high. He froze up and caught his breath as he came. Her nails bit into the back of his neck and she arched against him. Her eyes were closed, her mouth open. And then they both collapsed, exhaling deeply. He lay on top of her, breathing heavily. He felt her breath, heard her gasps, right next to his ear.

-------

Rei walked into the Red Raccoon Bar. She felt the thugs eyeing her up. One got up from his stool and swaggered up to her.

"You lost, girlie?"

"Where's your boss?"

"I don't have a boss." The thug got into her face. His breath reeked of booze. "Why don't you take a walk if you don't want to…"

She grabbed the thug by his balls and twisted. The thug emitted a girlish scream.

"Hey!" The man she wanted to see. Boss Kitao Asano, in his pinstriped suit. "What are you doing here?"

"I need a word." Rei's soft voice carried through the speechless bar.

"Let go of my man's tackle and you can have a word."

Rei let go of the thug and watched him crumple before stepping over him. She followed Kitao up the second floor.

"Your men are rude. Considering that this establishment still stands because I allow it." Rei spoke as they walked.

"You have a real annoying habit of counting favors, you know that? It can be abrasive." Kitao sniped back.

"I'm not here to make friends." Rei followed him into his office, but opted to stand by the door instead of sitting down. "I'm here to call in and offer favors."

"Always business with you." Kitao opened up his pack and offered her a cigarette. Rei accepted.

"I'm going to need a couple of your men. Good ones who can control themselves." Rei lit her cigarette.

"Whiskey?"

"I don't drink."

"You don't drink but you smoke?"

"I don't drink because it alters my state of mind. It has nothing to do with it being bad for me."

"So, muscle job?" Kitao poured himself a drink and lit his own cigarette.

"Something like it. A man, an old friend of Shinji and Asuka's is back in town. The man is a reporter."

"Skinny guy, glasses?"

"Yes."

"He was in here earlier. With Shinji."

"I know. A friend of Asuka's died in a military related accident. This man was at the funeral looking for a story."

"So? The guy's a prick. What's that to me?"

"I am concerned." Rei took a drag and scratched her eyebrow. "I'm concerned that he'll use his old friendship with them to snag a story. I'm concerned that he'll slander them in the newspapers. I'm concerned that he will fuck them to get ahead."

Kitao seemed to contemplate the bottom of his glass.

"You're gonna put the screws to him? To keep NERV's reputation safe?"

"Does it matter why?"

"I suppose it doesn't." Kitao tossed back his drink. "You're a cunt, you know that?"

"I've been called worse by better. What do you want in return for the service of your men?"

"I was gonna do it for the sake of friendship."

"I didn't think we're friends."

"We're not, idiot."

Rei smirked.

"They're my friends. But if you're offering, I'm not one to turn down a future favor."

Rei dropped her cigarette and stepped on it. "A get out of jail free card, then?"

"Nah. I have your number and I'll assume that you'll keep track of it. You're good at counting."

Rei nodded and left his office.

-------

Keiko Matsunaga took off her pants and threw on an oversized shirt to sleep in. She grabbed a book and crawled into bed.

"When can we move into the apartment?" Keiko asked as she tried to get comfortable under the stiff hotel sheets.

"End of the week." Kensuke called out, voice slightly masked behind by the running water in the bathroom.

Keiko sighed and looked at her book cover. She wouldn't tell Kensuke, but she was definitely uncomfortable with the whole situation. She wanted to be with him, but she hated the city. She came from a small country town outside of Sapporo. But, she figured that she would eventually need to get used to city living if she wanted to eventually get into the translation field. You didn't hear about major business centers out in the countryside.

She shivered. Tokyo-3 just seemed to cold and distant, even when she walked the streets. Everything was metal and concrete. There were no plants, no trees, no fresh air. Everything smelled like exhaust and industry. It was creepy. Like Kensuke's friend, Shinji.

"How long have you known Shinji?" She asked.

"Years. Just about 10 years." Kensuke's voice sounded muffled. Probably brushing his teeth.

There was the sound of him spitting. It wasn't long after that the sound of water stopped and Kensuke came out, drying his hands with a towel.

"He transferred into our class from out of town. Him, me and Toji all hung out together." He tossed the towel and climbed into bed next to her.

Toji. Keiko liked him. She found his distinct Osaka accent refreshing, and thought she detected a very faint hint of country mannerisms. Accent aside, she thought he could've gone to her high school and fit right in.

"What's wrong with your friend? Toji? I mean, besides the obvious, his wife and all." She felt guilty for asking, as if it were some sensitive topic that no one liked to talk about. It was stupid, there was no reason for her to feel that way. "I mean, I thought it looked like he had a limp or something."

"Uh, yeah." She looked at Kensuke who grimaced.

"Sorry, I mean if it's personal…" She bit her lip and felt her cheeks flush. Damn it.

"Well, no, not personal to me. I mean, personal to him. But if you want to know, it would be better to ask me." Kensuke spoke quickly, stumbled over his words. It was cute. "You wouldn't want to ask him or Shinji about it. He lost an arm and a leg in an accident. He used to be an Eva pilot at one time. Short time. They recruited him and he joined because he wanted to get medical help for his sister."

"Was his sister sick?"

"I don't know if you noticed, but she's slightly scarred and walks with a limp too. She was hurt in an angel attack, years ago and was fighting a tough battle for a long time in the hospital. The NERV facilities, uh, NERV being the group that Shinji and the rest belong to with the Evas, they were obviously better than the regular hospitals, so he took the job as an Eva pilot to help his sister."

"Oh, that's sweet."

"I guess so. He went in for the test activation, his first day as a pilot and…there was a major malfunction of sorts. He lost his arm and leg."

"Oh, that's horrible."

"Yeah."

Keiko sat on the information. So many people…

"Why would it be a sensitive topic? For Shinji, I meant."

"Uh…" Kensuke scratched the back of his head. "He, uh, was there when the whole thing happened. He witnessed it all, first hand. Tried to save Toji, but, uh, he blames himself, you know?"

Keiko only nodded to herself. Shinji. She shuddered. He still seemed creepy.

-------

Heroin was first developed as a semi-synthesized morphine in 1874 and was marketed as a non-addictive, stronger form of morphine. Upon injection into the blood stream, it crosses the blood-brain barrier rapidly and triggers the release of endorphins. Upon injection, the time release is about 5 to 8 seconds. It causes euphoria like effects. It is estimated that the amount of endorphins a sneeze releases is roughly equivalent to an eighth of an orgasm. It is also estimated that the amount of endorphins released by an average hit of heroin is roughly equivalent to a hundred sneezes.

Shinji reached into his nightstand and pulled out his leather carrying case, about the size of a large paperback book. He unzipped it and pulled out two disposable syringes, cotton swabs, a torch lighter and a large, bent spoon. He turned to Asuka to find she had taken out their small, wooden lock box. She opened it and pulled out a large baggy.

"Jesus, how much did you buy?" Shinji muttered.

"Enough. It's choco, so go easy, right?"

"Good thing I won my bet. You blew…"

"Less talking, more cooking." Asuka sat back and lit a cigarette.

Shinji cooked up Asuka's dose and prepped her syringe. It was clean, disposable, medical.

"You have your can?" He asked.

"Mm." Asuka nodded in affirmation as she tightened her belt on her upper arm. A makeshift tourniquet. She held the excess belt length between her teeth as she flexed her arm, clenching and unclenching her left hand. She held out her hand for the needle.

"Wait." Shinji said and pulled the belt out of her mouth.

"What?" Asuka looked irritable.

Shinji leaned in and kissed her. He felt her give a start as if surprised, but then kissed back. He began to pull away, but she pulled him back in for a longer embrace.

When they separated, he looked into her eyes. He saw her smile without joy. And he felt her caress his cheek. He closed his eyes, savoring her affection. When her touch disappeared, he handed her the needle.

He didn't watch her shoot up. He was busy cooking his own dose. But he did hear her moan. He turned back to see her recline, eyes closed. He turned back to prep his needle. He held the syringe between his teeth as he put his own belt around his upper arm and tightened it. He flexed his forearm, clenched and unclenched his hand, found his vein. He replaced the syringe between his teeth with the excess belt length. He turned to Asuka to see her slowly turn to the edge of the bed and dump her syringe in her can. They had gotten the biohazard disposal units from the NERV hospital, provided by Dr. Ibuki.

Shinji inserted the needle and pulled on the plunger. His blood flooded into the syringe, settling at the bottom. He could practically see each individual cell separate from the heroin mix. He took a moment to enjoy the beauty before pushing down the on the plunger.

One. Two. Three. Four.

Oh God. Shinji pulled out the needle and swayed. He leaned over his side of the bed and dumped the syringe in the disposal unit. Everything left contrails in his vision. He felt as though he were out of his own body, drunk behind the wheel. Everything felt…fantastic. He undid the belt from his arm and flung it across the room. He giggled.

He pulled the comforter up and covered Asuka, who had already rolled over onto her side. He wondered if she were asleep. He slid beneath the sheet and comforter and cuddled up to Asuka. He wrapped his arm around her and cupped her breasts. She felt so wonderful, so soft, so warm. He nuzzled against her neck savoring her smell. He felt as though he were free falling. It felt so liberating. He closed his eyes and let the fall deepen.

**End Chapter 1**

Writer's Notes: Here it is, number 5...I think. First attempt...wait, that's a lie. Second attempt at something chapterized. The first attempt was an utter failure, but hopefully this won't be. But I don't guarantee any regularity of updates since chapters aren't really my thing. Anyway, all forms of criticism are greatly appreciated. If you think it's great, I'm glad. If you think I should have my eyes gouged out so I can no longer see a computer screen, so be it. Special thanks goes to Fresh C for pre-reading. He's good people and a good writer. Check out his stuff. And visit evafics dot org. Cause we need the activity.**  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, it is in fact owned by Gainax. Neither is there any intention to copy the works of any other writers. Any similarities in plot, situations, character dialogue, etc. found between this fic and any other fic is unintentional and purely coincidental.**

--------

Keiko awoke to find Kensuke already gone. The sunlight spilled through the balcony doors. She sighed, feeling the cold empty spot in the bed next to her. She checked the digital clock on her nightstand. 8:30 in the AM. She got up, stretched and headed to the bathroom.

After brushing her teeth and taking a shower, she sat down on the bed, hair wrapped in a towel and she contemplated the morning. She had nothing to do. Newspaper or breakfast? Breakfast. Where to eat? She didn't know the city and couldn't recall seeing any restaurants on the way to the hotel. She could eat at the hotel's restaurant. She could do that. But as she stood over her suitcase of clothes, she didn't feel like getting dressed for a public appearance. Room service was a good alternative.

She perused the menu and called down her order. Miso soup, tofu and salmon. And what the Hell, she decided to splurge on some fresh fruit. She cracked opened her front door and checked the halls. No one to be seen. So she picked up the newspaper sitting in front of her door and took it in.

**'PILOTS MAY HAVE BEEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE'**

She clicked her teeth in distaste and skipped the headline.

Political news.

**'RUSSIA REFUSES U.N. INSPECTORS'**

There was a knock on her door. Room service. She quickly pulled on a pair of shorts and answered the door. She sat on the bed and perused the article while she ate. She recalled how one night in college, she lay in Kensuke's bed basking in the post-coital glow, listening to him go on and on about how he wanted to make a difference in the world with his reporting. She listened to him rattle off names of journalists and articles of whom and which she had never heard of before. She listened to his idealist philosophies, feeling excited for him and his dreams. That was before he got his internship.

After breakfast she decided that she'd try to look for a job in the employment ads. But she found scanning the articles to be exhausting. Boring. Dull. She put the paper down and walked out onto the balcony. She gazed across the city, listened to the honking, the rumbles, the screeches, the talking and bustling. And she thought of home.

**The Lighthouse**

**Chapter 2**

Rei ripped open the curtains of the bedroom. There were two, simultaneous groans that emitted from the bed. She turned and saw the lumps beneath the comforter twitch and stir. She spotted an open pack of cigarettes on Shinji's nightstand and snagged one. She lit it and stood over the bed. The masses had stopped moving. The hard way it is.

She removed her gun from her holster and banged the butt repetitively on Shinji's nightstand.

"All right! All right!" Asuka called out with a groan.

Rei holstered her gun and waited as the mass once again began to move.

"Shinji," Asuka began, "I love you. But please remove your prick from my ass."

"Sorry." Was the response and Shinji rolled away. He sat up, grabbed his pack and tapped out a cigarette. He patted his bare body before squinting at Rei. "Fire?" He asked.

Rei took out her lighter and lit his cigarette.

Asuka sat up abruptly, also squinting. Her hands slowly went to her head and she seemed to cradle it gently. After a little while she began to unceremoniously scratch herself, seemingly unashamed of her nakedness.

"Hurry up." Rei said and blew smoke. "We're going to be late."

"Mind giving us a little privacy?" Asuka spread her arms, finally indicating her awareness of her lack of clothing.

Rei thought she looked like she was ready to slide back beneath the covers. She looked at Shinji and saw him propped up against the headboard, eyes closed, cigarette dangling precariously from his lips. She plucked out the cigarette and handed it to Asuka.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." Rei told her. "And if I leave the room, you two are going right back to sleep."

Asuka took a drag from the cigarette and blew smoke. She slapped Shinji's arm and said "Wake up."

Shinji stirred and grumbled.

"You shouldn't leave this sitting out." Rei indicated the heroin baggie sitting in plain view on Shinji's nightstand.

"One thing at a time, please." Asuka slowly extricated herself from the bed and stretched, still unashamed.

Rei thought that perhaps her lack of shame was the entire problem.

-------

Toji sat in the waiting room and shifted his prosthetic leg. He gazed as his prosthetic hand slowly curled it into a fist. Prosthetics and cybernetics had come a long way. He had gotten it a few years ago from NERV. Latest in robotics, he had been given one of the prototypes. They had done surgery, placing a cybernetic socket in his shoulder, covering it with skin grafts, attaching nerves to it. From there he could place and remove a cybernetic arm. The movement was stiff and robotic and it couldn't even successfully grip cups, but it gave him a sense of normality which he had lost all those years ago. His leg operated much in the same way.

"Mr. Suzuhara?" The secretary called his name.

Toji looked up and smiled.

"Mr. Nakagawa will see you now."

Toji thanked her and slowly rose to his feet.

He thought that Nakagawa's office was one of the nicest he'd seen. The walls were wooden, or at least a convincing sham, and the floors were carpeted. On the walls hung pictures of construction sites, completed buildings, blueprints, the works.

"Mr. Suzuhara, please have a seat." Nakagawa motioned after the customary bow and introduction.

"Thank you, sir." Toji took his seat.

"I see you have a slight limp." Nakagawa took his seat. "If you don't mind me asking, how did that happen?"

"I was an Eva pilot once upon a time, sir." Toji felt an invisible pain in his missing limbs. "It should be stated in my resume and you can call NERV's Human Resources Department. I am technically classified as a war veteran."

Nakagawa raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Armed service for one's country. I admire that. We have quite a few former military members on our staff. Dedicated group, they are."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." Toji bowed his head slightly.

"Refresh my memory so I don't have to search your paperwork. What position are you applying for in our company?" Nakagawa flipped open his file anyway and seemed to peruse the contents.

"On-Site Safety Inspector, sir."

There was a moment of silence. Toji wanted to fidget. It was a little while before he noticed that his nails were digging into his leg. He lightened up.

"It seems that you have a rather glowing recommendation from your last employer. What prompted your move to Tokyo-3 from…Osaka?"

"Yes, sir. My wife recently passed away and I moved with our children back here, where she was originally from. Her family is here and is helping to look after our children."

Nakagawa nodded. "I'm very sorry for your loss. I apologize if I touched a delicate area."

"It's all right, sir."

"Do you…" Nakagawa started slowly, "Know what the first commercial building code is?"

"All people, civilians and employees need to be wearing protective goggles and hard hats while within the site building zone."

"What is the definition of Residential Building Code 302.c?"

"When a prefecture building inspector arrives to check the permit specs, all construction is to cease until the inspector has signed off on the permit."

"What is the definition of Commercial Building Code 201.a?"

"No construction may start on the site of a commercial building project unless the project foreman is present."

"Say, for instance, a company VP arrives before the foreman and instructs the company employees to begin work for the day?"

-------

Asuka put her sunglasses on and adjusted her beret before heading out into the living room to join Shinji and Rei.

Rei stood up and offered her a cup of coffee.

"Thanks, Wonder Girl." Asuka took a long pull. "I'd love you if I didn't hate you."

"Likewise." Rei said and led them out of the apartment.

-------

Kensuke hadn't been looking forward to the meeting. The reporter's office sat on the fourteenth floor of a tall building in downtown Tokyo-3. Despite the newspaper being just a couple of notches above tabloid material, the office was packed with reporters. Kensuke found his cubicle sandwiched between a loudmouth and a chain smoker. Being a newcomer to the office, his space was relatively clean.

"Give it time." Loudmouth had said. "In a few weeks you'll have at least two ash trays and several stacks of paper."

It was only a few months prior that he had been at some skuzzy Sapporo tabloid paper, shopping photos and writing stories on actors' trysts to hot springs and camping spots. When he had requested the time off to go to the funeral, his editor, Aoto, had grumbled and groaned. He had sat through a thirty minute lecture on dedication and priorities. Whose funeral was it? A friend's funeral. What's his name? _Her _name was Hikari Suzuhara.

The prick had actually checked to see if she had been a real person. A few days later he found himself in the Chief Editor's office, Aoto there as well, grinning like a Cheshire.

"Kensuke, do you mind if I call you Kensuke?" He said through his shit-eating grin. "Why didn't you tell me that she was married to Toji Suzuhara?"

"You never asked." Kensuke replied.

"Do you know who Toji Suzuhara is?"

"Uh…yeah. I went to high school with him. We were buddies."

"Tell me about it."

The Chief Editor remained smiling as Aoto took a seat at the edge of the desk.

"Are…are you serious?"

"Yeah, tell me about your days in high school."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

" 'Cause I'm curious."

Kensuke should've seen it coming, but had come off an all nighter, fruitlessly tailing actress Miko Kawada for juicy tidbits. So he didn't realize his mistake until after he had opened his mouth.

"Well, there's not much to it." He began guardedly. "Toji and I hung out with our friends, studied, whatever."

"Was it a close knit group of friends?"

"Yeah, yeah it was."

"Who else was in it?"

"Other friends."

"Who were they?"

"Uh, friends?"

"What were their names?"

"Uh, me, Toji, Shinji, Hikari, Asuka, sometimes Rei…" Kensuke was cut off as Aoto burst out laughing. "Uh…"

"I love this kid." Aoto said to the Chief Editor, who sat with a wide, toothy grin, nodding. "I love this kid."

Kensuke had two wet kisses planted on his face. One on each cheek.

"What the fuck?" Kisses? That was plain weird.

"Kid! You're moving up!" Aoto exclaimed.

"Excuse me?"

"You were good friends with Toji Suzuhara, Shinji Ikari, Asuka Sohryuu and Rei Ayanami!"

Oh shit.

"You were best buds with the top personnel of NERV! Do you know how closely guarded they are? No reporter can get near them! You though, you…" Aoto wagged his finger playfully. "You can get close to them."

"Whoa, whoa, hey." Kensuke raised his hands defensively. "It's been years since I've even spoken to them."

"The funeral would be a good place to catch up, don't you think?"

"I don't know. I don't even know if they'll remember me."

"Make them remember." Aoto got pushy, clipped.

"Excuse me?"

"All right, all right. Listen." Aoto rubbed his hands together. "How'd you like a transfer? Permanently to Tokyo-3? Wait, not a shit paper either." Aoto paused.

Despite himself, Kensuke could feel his interest percolate.

"It's not top notch," Aoto continued, "But it has a popular reader base. The Tokyo Eye. They do some seedy stuff, but they have heavy connections to the Tokyo-3 Times. Many, many writers at the Tokyo-3 Times got their starts with the Tokyo Eye. All you need is a big story and the right connections." He stopped, then spoke slowly, deliberately. "This could be it. Anything on the pilots would be big. You'd be on your way up."

"What's in it for you?"

"My cousin is the chief editor at the Eye. We have an information sharing network. We won't be missing much, if anything at all." Aoto grinned. "What do you say?"

Kensuke had said yes.

"Mr. Aida?"

The voice of the secretary brought Kensuke back from his thoughts.

"Mr. Maeda will see you now."

Kensuke got up and walked into the office. As soon as he stepped through the door his ears were assaulted by loud, obnoxious cursing and swearing. Maeda was a small man, Kensuke could tell just by seeing him behind his desk. Two ash trays sat on his desk were filled with cigarettes. His trash bin was filled to overflowing with disposable coffee cups. Papers littered his desk and floor.

The man himself wore a freshly starched white shirt, a ridiculous bright red bow tie, equally ridiculous bright red overalls holding up dark blue suit pants, and gold rimmed glasses. His hair was slick back black. His eyes were beady. And he yelled in a voice too large for his body at someone on the other end of his phone.

"Your deadline is two fucking days away you cocksucker and you're telling me that you can't get a fucking hold of him? Do you feel this? Huh? Do you know what the fuck this is? This is me **_pissing in your ear_**!"

He stopped and mouthed 'stay.'

Kensuke stayed.

"Oh, you want help? You want me to do something? I'll tell you what I'm going to fucking do for you, you no brained twat. I'm going to call the police and send them directly to your location. I'm going to tell them that you have fucking drugs so they'll give you a full fucking cavity search. And I'll fucking bet you that they'll find your fucking head up your ass! And once they're done extricating said paper weight from your rectum **_you will get the mother fucking interview_**! I gave you this assignment in good faith that you would not fuck this up! **_Shut the fuck up and listen to me_**! Are you listening? Good. You get that fucking interview and you have the fucking report here on my fucking desk two days from mother fucking now. You come back without it **_and I'll be eating what's left of your career with wasabi and a side of fucking gyoza you incompetent fuck_**!"

Maeda slammed the phone back down on the receiver and quickly lit a cigarette. He stood up, spread his arms wide and smiled.

"Mr. Kensuke Aida! My name's Kensuke too! We're practically fucking brothers! Sit down shut up and listen."

Kensuke complied wordlessly.

"I'm Kensuke Maeda, Chief Editor of the Tokyo Eye. I think fast, I talk fast and I don't like repeating myself so pay attention. Here at the Tokyo Eye we cover everything. Local news, national news, world news, war, human interest pieces, ads. We also cover celebrities. A lot of celebrities. And we love scandals. Why? People are intrigued by sex, violence and fuck ups. And it sells. I got my bachelors and my masters in journalism from NYU in America. Let me tell you right now, do not fuck with me. I'm gonna repeat myself so it sinks in. Do. Not. Fuck. With. Me.

"Now that we got that out of the way, let me ask you this question. It's okay for you to answer. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Uh…" Kensuke felt like he was caught trying to escape prison. "Hopefully…"

"Hopefully? No no no." Maeda interrupted. "I don't do hopes. We don't do hopes. Hopes are for communists, dreamers, idealists and assholes. I hope one day I'll fuck Miko Kawada. Not going to happen. Where are you in five years?"

"Uh…working here?"

Maeda choked on smoke, snorted and laughed.

"Ken, can I call you Ken? Ken, listen, buddy, I tell you what. If you're still working here in five years, I will get you a gun and a bullet, just one, so that you can end your pathetic fucking existence as it were. Let me rephrase. Where do you want to be in five years? Go."

"Working…at the Tokyo-3 Times?"

"Yes! That's what I'm talking about! And I'll tell you something, you do what I fucking say when I fucking say and I'll get you there in less than two. Over half the current writers and reporters at the Times are there through my recommendations. Do you love me or what? Don't answer that. Both options are wrong.

"This is how we're going to get you there. You listening? You report to two people. First, you report to Deina, he's your editor. Second, you report to me, I'm the Chief Editor. Every so often you'll get a very specific assignment from me and you do it as fast as you fucking can to the best of your fucking abilities. In between those assignments and during, you do what your editor Mr. Deina says. And in between that, you can do your own articles and submit them for publication. Priority runs like this: Me, Deina, you. You always come last. Do you know why? Because we already know you're fucking talented.

"I read my cousin's recommendation. Very good. I saw some of your articles and pictures. That one titty shot of that Italian model at the hot springs? Fan-fucking-tastic. But what that means here is diddly fucking shit. We know, we know, we know you're fucking talented. Believe you me, if you were just some fucking reporter you never would've gotten into the building I swear to God. What you're here to do is put in your time, prove you can work under pressure and prove that you do not fuck up. Prove that you're on your way up.

"Now." Maeda sat behind his desk. "Your first assignment is right here in this folder. The worthless cunt that was working on this had the nerve to quit. Luckily for us, he left all his notes right here. When you leave this office, you take this, go back to your cubicle and type up a comprehensive report using the notes here. I want it yesterday.

"Oh! And my cousin told me that you have something for me. Something beautiful, something recorded from that one girl's funeral yesterday."

"Yeah, well, here's the thing…" Kensuke rubbed the back of his head.

"Ken, Ken, Ken, first day on the job and you're fucking killing me."

"No, I mean, I tried. But I lost the tape. The pilot Asuka caught me and tore the tape out of my hands, nearly wrecked my recorder…"

"What? Fuck! I knew should've sent a photographer. I knew it. Maeda fucked up. Take a picture, it happens once in a blue moon. Did she hit you?"

"She…uh…she pushed me…"

"Could you get her to do it again?"

"What?"

"Joking! Joking! Laugh with me! Don't. You've got no time to laugh. You have work to do and it's right in this folder. Get out of here."

-------

The NERV facility was filled with the typical morning bustle. Beige and black uniforms walked up and down the halls, talking, tittering, discussing. Beige uniforms for non-combatants. The engineers, the janitors, the technicians, the doctors, cooks, maintenance. Black uniforms for military personnel. Security, Section-2, tactical officers, defense specialists, soldiers, special operations. Beige or black, Rei, Shinji and Asuka received nods, salutes, acknowledgement.

Rei could care less.

"Hey!" A voice Rei did not want to hear. "Hey! You're late!"

Captain Takeda approached the trio.

"Where the Hell have you been?" The Captain did his best to glare.

Rei always thought he made a terrible commanding officer. When he tried to look authoritative, he came off as an asshole. Such an asshole.

"Bridger has been in roll call waiting for thirty minu – look at me when I'm talking to you!"

"Now is not the time, Captain." Rei stepped up, placing herself between the Captain and the pilots.

"And take off your goddamn sunglasses!" The Captain leaned around her to continue his verbal lashing.

"Captain, seeing as how Bridger has been waiting for thirty minutes, don't you think that perhaps this conversation should be reserved for another time? Don't you think that the pilots should be allowed to change out so the synchronization test isn't delayed any further?" Rei, once again, stepped into the Captain's line of sight. When he tried to look around her yet again, she yet again kept herself in his way.

"Don't you think, Captain?"

The Captain glared and turned red, but eventually turned and stormed away.

"Ikari! Sohryuu! When you're done changing, you'll be in my office!" He called out over his shoulder.

"Asshole." Asuka muttered.

"Thank you, Rei." Shinji had taken off his sunglasses. Ah jeez.

"Put your sunglasses back on." Rei instructed him. He looked like he was coming down. Bags under his eyes, skin sallow. "You might also take a shower and some of your medication, before making an appearance, that is."

"Right." Shinji put his sunglasses back on.

"I'll see you later." Rei nodded and watched the two make for the locker rooms.

She sighed. The Captain seemed intent on escalating things. She had been planning on getting some paperwork done, but instead turned back and headed for the Commander's office.

-------

March 2016

Shinji grimaced as the doctor peeled the bandages off his shoulder. It hurt like Hell. When the doctor peeled off the final layer of bandages, it felt as though his skin were being peeled off as well.

"Stop being a baby." Asuka sighed and toyed with the bandages over her eye. "I don't even know if I'll be able to see out of this eye again."

"I'm not being a baby." Shinji said through gritted teeth. What did she know? At least it wasn't his right shoulder. Otherwise he'd never get any relief.

"Yeah, that doesn't look too good." The doctor muttered as he inspected the stitches. "With your fever and the swelling…does this hurt?" He pressed against the stitches with a Q-tip.

"Ah, shit, yes." Shinji hissed through his teeth.

"Still oozing too. Hmm." The doctor pressed against another area. "How about here?"

"Yeah."

"More or less?"

"Less."

"Here?"

"Less, but yeah."

"Mm." The doctor put on his glasses and continued to prod. "What's the pain like?"

"Throbbing." Shinji closed his eyes, hoping the pain would just go away. "Always throbbing."

"Is the severity constant or fluctuating?"

"What?"

"He means," Asuka said with a sigh, "Does the pain get worse then better? Or is it always the same pain?"

"The pain's always there." Shinji began to see spots. "But there are times when it gets really bad. It wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep. I'm always exhausted."

"Try and lift your arm up for me." The doctor stepped back.

Shinji tried lifting his arm but he couldn't get it past mid-chest. The pain exploded, but it wasn't even the pain that was holding it down. He just couldn't lift it anymore. This is so bad.

"I can't lift it anymore." Shinji gritted his teeth.

"Could you try?"

"I'm trying, dammit."

"I see." The doctor didn't seem fazed as he wrote on his clipboard. "It's probably an infection. I'm going to have the nurse come in and give you a shot of procaine benzylpenicillin. I'm not gonna lie, it'll hurt like a bitch at first. But the procaine should take effect shortly and you'll have some relief. I'm prescribing you some anti-biotics, some ampicillin and something else."

"Something else?" Asuka perked up. "Like what?"

"A wider spectrum anti-biotic. It'll be fine. Really. We have some blood tests to run to narrow down the infection type."

"And what about after the procaine wears off? What then? He still can't sleep."

The doctor let out and obviously exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll give him some Vicodin. Take one whenever there's an onset of pain and before you go to bed. Okay? Let's schedule another appointment in a week and see how that goes."

The doctor left the room rather quickly, Shinji guessed so that he could avoid any further scrutiny.

"Asshole." Asuka cursed. "That doctor is a fucking imbecile. We're going to find someone else for you."

"Sorry." Shinji tried to touch his shoulder and winced.

"Don't touch that!" Asuka slapped his hand away. "You want to infect it further? Or maybe infect someplace else that hasn't already been infected? And the proper response is 'thank you.'"

She rummaged in the exam room drawers before finding an alcohol wipe. She opened the packet and wiped down his hands.

"Thank you." Shinji said softly, feeling a blush creeping up.

"Whatever. Don't get used to it."

April 2016

"I see." The doctor inspected the stitches and then adjusted his glasses. "Well, your previous doctor sent me the test results. There is an infection, though the anti-biotics prescribed seemed to keep it under control. We're gonna take care of you. It's nothing serious. How're you doing on Vicodin?"

"I'm out." Shinji tried to shrug and winced.

"Really?"

"The other doctor only gave him, like, eight pills. He was a fucking idiot." Asuka snarled from her seat.

"Oh really?" The doctor smirked.

"Shinji told him that the pain got excruciating at times and he was having a hard time sleeping. Even if the pain only got bad when he tried to sleep, the average release for Vicodin is three to four hours. What happens when he wakes up in the middle of the night when the dose wears off and he wakes up?"

"Very true. Well, there's no accounting for personal judgment. I'm going to give you a full prescription. Thirty pills. When it starts to get bad, take one. And take one before bed. It might be a little while before the pain goes away, even when we suppress the infection, so I'm going to give you…oh…three refills on that. Oh what the Hell, four. Here you are." The doctor tore off the prescription papers and handed it to Shinji.

"Thank you." Shinji took the prescriptions. "Last time the doctor gave me a shot."

"Procaine benzylpenicillin. Yeah." The doctor gathered up his things.

"Do I need one now?"

"Oh no, no." The doctor chuckled. "That was in case you had cellulitis or erysipelas. And the procaine for the pain of the deep muscle injection. It hurts like Hell, doesn't it? That was rather arbitrary of him, I'd go so far as to say it wasn't very bright of him. I wouldn't have done it." The doctor seemed to wink at Asuka, who just snorted in response.

"I see." Shinji said softly. It did hurt like Hell. But only at first.

May 2016

"Good news, Mr. Ikari." The doctor adjusted his glasses. "The infection is gone entirely and your healing is back on track." He smiled. "Took care of you just like I said we would." He looked over at Asuka and winked. What a creep.

Asuka didn't seem to notice. She seemed more interested in her magazine. She had the bandages on her eye removed not too long before, and she could, in fact, still see in that eye. Since then she had spent many, many hours reading books, magazines and newspapers. The only permanent damage would be a scar just beneath her eye, which was still red.

"How long before the pain goes away?" Shinji asked as the nurse rewrapped his shoulder.

"You still have pain?"

"That's what he said." Asuka muttered from behind her magazine.

"Well," The doctor adjusted his glasses yet again, "I don't suspect that it's the infection…"

"You don't suspect?" Asuka put down her magazine. "I thought you just said that the infection was gone?"

"Well, the tests showed…"

"The tests showed what? That he had no infection, right, I heard that part. Then if it's not the infection, what is it?"

"Well, it could be…" The doctor began to go red and looked flustered.

"Could be? Shinji still has the throbbing pain, you think you got the infection, so is there something else that we're not aware of?"

"I'll prescribe more Vicodin."

"He still has a refill."

"I'll give him four more."

"Four more? You think that prescribing painkillers will stop the problem?"

"The problem seems to be pain…"

"The problem is that you're an idiot. Maybe the pain might be the symptom rather than the problem?"

"I'm…" The doctor seemed to choke on his words. "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say."

"Whatever."

The doctor seemed to become interested in his shoes before taking off as if he were trying to escape the plague.

Shinji sighed and smiled at the nurse who smiled back, obviously nervous that she would become Asuka's next target.

"Fucking morons. Every last one of 'em." Asuka snarled and sat back down on her chair.

"Thank you, Asuka."

"What are you thanking me for? I didn't do anything. The doctor was incompetent. End of story. We'll find you a new one."

"Well, thank you anyway."

"You're welcome." She said softly.

The nurse finished bandaging his shoulder. He tried to shrug a few times and felt his shoulder blow up in pain. Good thing he took a pill before the appointment. He was able to work through it.

"Shall we?" Shinji said as he put his shirt back on.

"Let's." Asuka threw the magazine on the exam room counter and exited.

Shinji sighed. She always made such a mess. He picked up the magazine to put back on the rack and spotted a prescription on the counter. It was for four Vicodin refills. Shinji pocketed the prescription and put the magazine back on the rack.

August 2016

"Yeah." The doctor leaned back and stroked his mustache. "That's gonna leave a mark."

"You think?" Asuka sniped.

"All I'm saying is that there is definitely going to be a scar. It has healed well though." The doctor put on a rubber glove and pressed down on Shinji's scarring wound. Shit, that hurt. "Sorry." The doctor gave an 'oops' smile.

He continued to poke and prod. Shinji winced every time.

"Let's take a look at this." The doctor began to raise Shinji's arm.

Jesus fuck!

"Ow! Shit, shit, shit, ow!"

"Knock it off, you baby." Asuka grumbled.

"Sorry." Another 'oops' smile from the doctor. "So it still hurts like a mother, eh?"

Oh, he had no idea how unintentionally appropriate that statement was.

"Yeah, it does." Shinji winced as his arm was slowly lowered.

"Well, it is in the final stages of healing. Pain should be minor, but understandable if it still hurts to move your arm. Can you shrug?"

"Yeah." Shinji shrugged. It hurt, but not so bad. But then again, it could be the pills.

"Good. Everything is moving right along then. I think I'll give you a number for a physical rehab therapist here in the hospital. She's really…nice." The doctor gave Shinji a 'nudge-nudge' smile. Oh brother. "It's a good time to start rehab. It'll be tough, but you're young, you can get through it. I suspect in four months you'll have full use of your arm back. Wouldn't be surprised if it happened sooner. Like in three. Okie?"

"Thank you." Shinji pulled his shirt back on.

"All right. Take care now."

"Wait, doctor, could I get some refills on my Vicodin?"

"Vicodin? What are you taking Vicodin for?" The doctor stopped and looked through the file. "Oh, right, that whole infection thing you had a few months ago. I heard you encountered some setbacks. Well, we can't all be Einstein." He scribbled on his prescription pad. "There you go. One prescription. And here's the therapist's card. Trust me, you'll like her. Bye kids."

Asuka stopped glared at the doctor as the door closed. Then she turned her glare to Shinji. Oh shit. What now.

"Uh…what's wrong Asuka?" Shinji tried to smile.

"You'll like her?"

"I don't know. He was probably just…talking."

"Of course he was talking." Asuka rolled her eyes and collected her things. "Let's go."

As they rode the elevator down from the doctor's office, Shinji heard her mutter: "How would he know how nice she is?"

September 2016

Shinji sat in the exam room alone this time. Asuka was over at Hikari's place for the afternoon. She didn't know he was there. No one did. No one that mattered, anyway.

"Mr. Ikari?" The doctor stepped into the office. "Hi, I'm Takamori. How are you today?"

"All right, all things considered." Shinji tried his best to smile. Shit. It was probably coming out forced and insincere. Play it back.

"Ah, yes." Dr. Takamori laughed. "So what brings you here today?"

"I have pain in my shoulder." Was that too general of a problem? Be more specific?

"Well, let's take a look at it."

Shinji winced as he took off his shirt. The pain was genuine. It still hurt to raise his arm. Better make it more severe. He made a full faced grimace.

"Ouch, looks bad." Takamori winced before he even looked at the shoulder. "Let's see. Did you recently have surgery?"

"If you mean recently as in this year, yes."

"You might be experiencing residual pain. It looks like it's finished healing, if not that then almost. When your muscles are inactive for so long then they kinda die out. Not really, but I'm dumbing it down for you, sorry."

"No, really, I couldn't understand the technical stuff anyway."

"Well, it sort of dies out. I mean, believe it or not, your muscles need activity all the time to keep strong. If it remains inert for extended periods of time, your muscle severely breaks down. It can be very painful to work back up again. Do you have a physical therapist?"

"Yes."

"How long have you been working with him?"

"Her. I've been working with her for a few weeks now."

"Good. Keep it up and the pain should eventually go away. It's a natural part of rehab, unfortunately. Go home, pop a couple of Advil or something equivalent to it, Excedrin, and walk it off."

"I see. Walk it off?" Shinji felt his heart sinking.

"Well, you know what I mean. Generally speaking, suck it up."

"Advil doesn't always work. I've been trying that. The pain throbs. It keeps me up at night." Shinji tried to look pathetic. "My therapist thinks the same thing."

"Hmm." Takamori raised his eyebrows. Shit. He was on to it.

"Well, thank you for your time. I'll go home and try that." Shinji felt himself go red and he tried to pull on his shirt. He must've tried too quickly. He felt his shoulder pop. "Ow! Shit!"

"Whoa! I heard that from way over here. Stop, stop. Let me see." Takamori pulled Shinji's shirt off. "Easy. I'm gonna have a feel, okay? It'll probably hurt real bad, but I'm gonna see what's up."

Shinji nodded.

Dr. Takamori pushed down into the joint. And it did hurt. Real bad. But…not too bad.

"Yeah, this feels ugly. What happened?" Takamori finally asked.

"It's a strange story." Shinji grimaced. "You'd be better off reading my file."

"I did. Didn't tell me much other than something pierced…Jesus, it feels like it pierced right through the joint…I'm surprised you're not screaming."

Ah, shit. Shinji felt his heart rate pick up.

"Not really." Takamori added and smiled. He went back to Shinji's file and opened it up. "I see you have had an infection there. Infection gone, pain remains. All three doctors have prescribed Vicodin. I'm not surprised. It looks like the last one recommended rehab and prescribed Vicodin as well. I guess you really do need it. Why didn't you go back to him?"

"Ah…uh, well, I just didn't feel a connection there. Any sense of caring. You know?" Shinji felt his heart kick into overdrive. Buy it. Buy it. Buy it.

"Ah." Takamori picked up his prescription pad and began to write out a prescription. Then he stopped. "Wait. Are you a drug seeker?"

Shinji's heart exploded. "Uh…ah…wh…what?"

"I'm yanking your chain." Takamori laughed. "Relax kid. Here's a prescription. Same as always. I think I'll give you sixty to a bottle and cut your refills to two. Save you a few trips to the pharmacy."

"Yes. Thank you." Shinji tried to tone down his smile.

"Here you are." Takamori handed him the prescription. "Do we have a connection?"

Shinji shared a laugh with Takamori.

"Take care, Mr. Ikari. Hope that shoulder heals up."

"Thank you."

Once alone, Shinji looked at the prescription. 'Refills 2.' Shinji took out his pen and carefully changed it. Connected the point of the top loop to the base. Then drew a line from the top curve on the right, down through the base.

'Refills 4.'

January 2017

"His rotator cuff is practically destroyed." Dr. Hasegawa looked at the x-rays. "What on Earth were you doing?"

Shinji couldn't answer. He couldn't even think of a good excuse. He just felt himself turn red.

"We were having sex." Asuka spoke without exasperation, without embarrassment, as if it were just a fact.

Thank God Misato was on a business trip.

"Well, sex doesn't do this." Hasegawa frowned, seemingly unfazed.

"It was kind of rough. He was on top and was using his left arm to brace himself against the headboard." Asuka elaborated. Again, just facts.

"Still, the strain shouldn't have been that severe. Realistically. No, these look like the results of continuous and prolonged aggravation." Again, he didn't seem to care.

Shinji was just a little creeped out by the whole exchange.

"You sure this is the first time you've experienced this pain?"

"Well…" Shinji bit his lip. "In a while, yes. I had surgery last year…"

"I know, I read your history and I have your file." Hasegawa waved it off. "And you went through physical rehab just fine?"

"I went through the progressions. It was tough at first, yeah, but by the end it felt fine."

"You should've been feeling something." Hasegawa shook his head. "I don't know how you couldn't have. You weren't taking anything like steroids?"

"No."

"Well, assuming that you're telling the truth, and even if you weren't, here are the facts. There's a lot of damage there. You have a rotator cuff that now is practically non-existent. We can try and build something in there, something artificial, that goes without saying. But, you will have to go through more physical rehab when you're done. Mr. Ikari, I'm sorry to say, but you're going to be in pain for a very long time." Hasegawa stopped and had a look as though he were ready for Shinji to go ballistic.

Shinji…didn't feel much, actually. His shoulder hurt, yeah, but other than that…

"Well," Shinji finally said, "Could you prescribe me some Vicodin?"

-------

Shinji opened his locker, grabbed his pill bottle, popped a Vicodin and swallowed. He grabbed a hold of his left shoulder and rotated it in a full circle. He winced. Fuck. Could be worse. He stripped naked and hung his uniform nicely in the locker. His first destination, the toilet. He figured that if he were going to be sitting in an entry plug for a few hours, it would be better not to get the shits then.

Ten minutes on the toilet and nothing. Well, shit, all he could do was pray.

The next destination was the shower. Two steps below scalding. When he was done, he went back to his locker. He looked at himself in the mirror in his locker. Skin wasn't so sallow because of the shower. That was good. Heavy luggage beneath the eyes. Not so good. He grabbed his salve and applied it to the bags. Lighter, but still there. Good enough.

-------

"Tell me, what the fuck is this?" Takeda flung the day's paper on his desk. "What is that?"

"It's called a newspaper." Asuka couldn't help herself. She waited for a response and only got a glare. "You want instructions on how to use it?"

Takeda picked up the newspaper and flung it at Asuka. She was barely able to dodge it.

"What the fuck?!" What got up his ass? And as usual, Shinji remained silent. Sometimes that guy…

He stood next to her, at attention, staring straight ahead at the wall.

"Read the fucking headlines." Takeda leaned on his desk.

"Up yours." Asuka sniped back. Who did he think he was?

"It says pilots may have been under the influence. Next to the column is a picture. Do you know what it shows?"

"No."

"Do you want to know? Or are you just gonna let it sit there on the floor?"

"Well, I was planning on reading it later but since you already gave the plot away…"

"Stop being cute. It shows you and your pseudo-boyfriend next to you leaving a night club, looking very inebriated."

"That's horseshit."

"Oh really?"

"I go to bars, not clubs."

"Maybe you're not concerned with how this makes NERV look, but I am very concerned." Takeda moved around the desk. Perhaps to try and look menacing, but to Asuka he looked like someone who's never fought before getting ready to be in a fight. "The two of you are a disgrace."

"Ouch. That'd hurt more but you've been using that word to describe us from day one. You need to expand your vocabulary. Try reading things without pictures of me and Shinji."

Takeda stepped right into her face. He had to look up at her to make eye contact. He balled his hands into fists. She almost laughed.

"Take a swing at me and I'll break your arm." Asuka smiled.

"Pilot Ikari, Pilot Sohryuu, thank you for your time. That will be all."

She turned to see Rei, Fuyutsuki and Misato standing in the office.

"Please report to Dr. Ibuki in the muster room. I'm sure she's anxious to start the synchronization tests." Fuyutsuki waved his hand in dismissal.

Asuka looked back at Takeda. He looked ready to burst. She had to suppress the urge to spit in his face. Instead, she opted for a half-assed salute and a smile.

-------

June 2022

Toji stood outside of his apartment door. He wasn't quite sure how to feel. He was so terrified of disappointing her. He adjusted his prosthetic arm which had come loose in the socket. He didn't think he'd ever get used to it. Better than nothing, he supposed. He took several deep breaths to calm his nerves. Then he stepped into his apartment.

There was the sound of running water from the kitchen. The light clacking and clanking of dishes being washed. He moved carefully, trying to keep his prosthetic leg from making too much noise. He peered into the kitchen and saw his wife, shirt rolled up to her elbows, working hard, cleaning. The Baby-Mate walkie-talkie sat on the counter, volume turned up high. The other one was probably in Sho's room, on the stool right next to his crib. Ryoko sat in her pen nearby. His daughter smiled and gurgled.

Toji smiled and waved. Their apartment didn't have much. No dishwasher, no private washing machine and dryer. They needed to take their laundry to the laundry room down the hall. They had small love seat which Toji had nearly thrown his back out trying to fit through the front door. Not large enough for two people, but Hikari would sit on his lap. They had no TV, they had no dining room chairs. They had a small, fold-out table and cushions to kneel on. They didn't have a bedroom, but of course their children did. They had a futon they kept in the hall closet, and Toji would pull it into the living room when they were ready for bed. Their children didn't have any toys. But they had all of Hikari's old child hood dolls. Ryoko was particularly fond of the purple plushy dolphin.

"Hi, honey." Toji said softly.

Hikari turned sharply. Her smile could have lit the whole apartment. She quickly turned off the faucet and jumped at Toji, her arms held him like a vice. She gave him a peck on the lips.

"How was the interview?" She asked, waiting with bated breath.

Toji couldn't answer. He felt weak in his knee. He fell back against the wall.

"Oh, honey." Hikari's face fell. She was disappointed. Not with him, but for him. He knew. "It's all right." She hugged him. "There'll be others."

"No." Toji finally said. "No, there won't."

"Baby." Hikari tightened her hold. "Of course there will."

"No, there won't." Toji lifted her chin up. "Because I got the job."

Hikari squealed and kissed him deeply.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her as close as he could. He could hear Ryoko giggling from her pen. When he finally broke the kiss she pulled him right back into it. When they broke a second time, she whispered in his ear: "That's so wonderful, honey."

She wasn't happy with him, she was happy for him. He knew.

"It pays three times as much as this job." Toji felt breathless. "I'll be able to…"

Hikari kissed him again.

-------

Toji stood outside of the front door. He adjusted his prosthetic arm which had come loose. He wasn't sure how to feel. He opened the front door and stepped into the house. Soft music played through the house. Mixed with it was the soft sound of running water. Both came from the kitchen. As he walked toward the kitchen, he heard the clicking and clanking of dishes being washed.

His son, Shotaro, sat at the dining room table, legs dangling from the edge of the chair. His feet couldn't yet touch the floor. Sho didn't seem to hear his father come in, and only continued to color in his coloring book, humming to the tune of the music. Off key and terribly, but similar enough.

Toji looked into the kitchen and saw Hikari…no, not Hikari. Nozomi. She turned toward him, brushed a few stray hairs out of her eyes and smiled.

"Hey there. How did it go?" She asked, almost indifferently.

"I got the job." Toji sighed and dropped his briefcase to the floor. "I think the boss likes me."

"Very good." Nozomi smiled.

"He seemed impressed. He gave me a load of paperwork to read up on though. You won't have to worry about the kids until next week. He's allowing me to telecommute this week, giving me time to read up on company policies and this big building project downtown I'll be supervising." Toji ruffled his son's hair. "Hey, champ."

"Hi daddy." His son giggled and smiled without looking up from his coloring book.

"Sorry Toji, but I'm going to have to take off now. I have class in an hour. I'm gonna go change and get going. Congratulations on your job." Nozomi let down her hair, shook it out and ran upstairs. "Don't worry about the rest of the dishes! I'll take care of them when I get back!" Her voice echoed from the second floor.

Toji sighed. Well, shit. He pulled a chair up next to his son and watched him color.

-------

Reading the notes was mother fucking impossible. Kensuke sighed and squinted through his glasses to try and read the chicken scratch this asshole called writing. Loudmouth in the cubicle next to him spoke as if he were trying to finagle a loaded interview out of some politician. At least Chain Smoker had left his cubicle to flat foot it out in the city someplace.

"Listen, shit heel, I'm sorry if I offended your boss' delicate fucking sensibilities but I have half an interview here with plenty to skew. Either I get the full fucking interview or I print what I have, which needless to say isn't very fucking flattering."

It seemed that everyone in the office picked up stevedore style swearing from the big man in the office down the hall. He only briefly wondered if he would eventually end up talking the same way. His thoughts were interrupted by his cell phone ringing. He silenced the ring and went back to reading. A few moments later it began ringing again. He sighed and answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey hun." Keiko.

"Hey, is something wrong?"

"Oh, no. No."

"Then what's up?"

"Oh nothing. I was just wondering how you were doing. Are you out of the meeting?"

"Yeah, babe, sorry, but I can't talk right now. I have big assignment to get done by the end of today, I'll probably be back at the hotel late." Kensuke checked his watch. Almost lunch. Did he even have time for lunch? How was that handled?

"You have an assignment already? Isn't this your first day?"

"You know how this fucking job is. Always fucking something to do."

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry." Kensuke kicked himself. It was starting. "I didn't mean it honey, everybody here talks that way. I'll call you later. Promise. Kisses. Bye."

He hung up and took off his glasses. He wondered if smoking really did help. He heard Loudmouth finish his phone call and hang up. Kensuke stood up and peered over the top of their shared cubicle wall.

"Sorry to bother you." Kensuke began.

"What the fuck?" Loudmouth looked up. "Jesus, don't scare me like that. I thought you were the boss. What's up?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"Don't have time for that shit man. Talk to me. I have stuff to do."

"Oh, nevermind." Kensuke felt himself go red in the face.

"Stop, stop. Sorry. I forgot that you're new." Loudmouth kicked back in his chair and lit a cigarette. "Something you oughta know, if we seem curt or obnoxious, it's not personal. It's just that everything here moves at, _pht…_" He slapped his hands together, "Light speed. You don't need to ask permission or apologize, just ask. You'll usually get a direct response. So what's up?"

"I was just wondering how lunch is handled around here." Kensuke felt a little better. Just a little.

"Everything is on your own time. There is no clocking in, no clocking out, no overtime whatsoever. You work on your at your own pace, which better be fucking fast, 'cause work comes at you bam, bam, bam. Take lunch when you want, as long as you want, as long as your work gets done. Cool?"

"Yeah, thanks." Kensuke nodded.

"Are we done?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Loudmouth turned away and went back to his computer.

-------

Keiko looked at her cell phone for a moment before sighing and hanging up. She supposed she shouldn't be disappointed. It was the nature of the business after all. Things would settle down once he got himself established. She should probably start her job hunting. She tried to peruse the job wanted section yet again. Yet again, it bored her to tears. Well, it was only one newspaper. And it was the Tokyo Eye that Ken had only ordered to the room so he could get a feel for his new employer.

She pondered her options. Well, it was almost lunchtime. Why not hit the city, go sight seeing and familiarize herself. She would have to do it sooner or later. And while she was out, she could pick up a Tokyo-3 Times and look at the job wanted ads there.

So she got up, got dressed and headed out.

-------

"Captain." Fuyutsuki sat behind his desk. "I'm worried about you. It seems that everyday we're having this conversation now."

Rei had to hold back a smirk.

"How do you mean, sir?" Takeda looked just as pissed as he was in his office, except more restrained. He looked like a red balloon ready to pop.

"I'm worried about your blood pressure. I want to stop worrying about the pilots."

"I wish I could do that, sir."

"And why can't you?" Fuyutsuki leaned in.

There were four people situated in the commander's office. Rei, herself, stood by the door. Misato over the shoulder of Fuyutsuki and the commander in his chair. Takeda stood in front of the desk as if he had a stick up his ass.

"Maybe you can ignore the shame that those two bring upon our organization, but I can't. Sometimes I feel ashamed to be seen in my uniform…"

"Why?" Fuyutsuki cut him off.

"Maybe you can turn a blind eye to their degenerate habits, but I can't! For God's sake, commander! They killed innocent civilians! One of their friends! Because of their fucking habit!"

"All of our plans take into account the possibilities of civilian casualties. That is the nature of modern warfare. If you cannot handle civilian casualties, then I suggest you find another line of work."

"I understand that civilian casualties are unavoidable, sir. But people are dying when they don't have to. They're dying because of our negligence…"

"I want you to listen very carefully to me, Captain Takeda." Fuyutsuki spoke low. "This is the last time I will tell you this. You are not their guardian. You are the tactical operations director. The pilots are adults and shouldn't need guardians, but apparently they do. You are not it. Rei Ayanami and her team are. Whether or not the pilots' habits are detrimental to our operations is her prerogative. And if you can not deal with that, then resign. Because should any further outbursts happen, I will discharge you. Am I being clear?"

"Crystal, sir." Takeda deflated.

"Dismissed."

Rei watched the Captain skulk out of the office.

"Sir." Rei saluted and turned to leave.

"A moment, Ayanami."

"Sir."

"Is he right?" Fuyutsuki asked. "Are they that far out of control?"

"No, sir."

"I hope your judgment isn't clouded by…anything." Misato added.

"No, sir."

"Dismissed."

-------

"Director Yamashita?" Rei entered the office of the Director of Section-2.

"Yes, there you are." Yamashita, a rather twitchy, older fellow paced the room. A younger man stood off to the side in uniform. "Ayanami, meet Yousuke Yamazaki. We just picked him up from the remnants of the JSSDF's 113th battalion. I'm assigning him to your unit."

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, ma'am." The young man bowed deeply.

"Likewise." Rei couldn't help but furrow her brow. Why a new member? Her team was large enough, with fourteen field agents and at least four always on the clock.

"I know, I know. You're wondering why. I'll be absolutely honest with you. His mother is my sister-in-law." Yamashita shrugged.

"I see."

"I'm assigning him technically as your aide. I just need him to be doing something. His battalion was disbanded. You want to put him in the field, fine. You want him to file your reports, he'll do it. You want him to fetch your coffee, he'll do it and he'll like it. Isn't that right?" Yamashita eyeballed the young man.

"Yes, sir." Yamazaki looked uncomfortable. Rei didn't blame him.

"Sir, if you don't mind me saying, this is rather unusual." Rei realized that she, too, was quite uncomfortable.

"Yes, yes, I know. I apologize, I do." The Director bowed deeply. "Please excuse my presumption. But please, take him under your wing."

"Yes, I suppose…" She needed a cigarette. "I suppose I can find something for him to do."

"Thank you, really. I am humbled. Yamazaki! From now on you report to her."

"Yes, sir."

"Well," Rei lit a cigarette, "I actually have a meeting to get to. Part of a field assignment. Yamazaki, would you like to accompany me?"

"Uh…ma'am?" Yamazaki looked back and forth, between her and the Director.

"Go with her." Yamashita instructed.

"Sir." Yamazaki saluted.

Rei left the office, Yamazaki in tow, still wondering the why's of the whole situation. Was it the Captain's doing? Was he sending someone to keep an eye on her? Was it the Commander or the Sub-Commander making sure that she remained unbiased in her assessment of Shinji's and Asuka's capabilities?

"So, um, ma'am." Yamazaki tapped her on the shoulder.

"Mm. Cigarette?" She offered the young man.

"Oh, no ma'am. I don't smoke. Gets in the way of my calisthenics."

"Mm." Rei took a drag. Or maybe he was just some kid whose family connections landed him a job.

"So, um, I'd like to thank you for giving me a job…we're walking awfully fast."

"I didn't give you a job. Your uncle did."

"Oh, well, uh, regardless. Thank you."

"Mm." Rei took out her cell phone and dialed one of her field agents.

"You know, I had a sergeant in my old unit. He was very quiet, didn't say much. You remind me of him, except, you know, not the guy part, but the uh, quiet part."

"Shut up for a moment." Rei listened to the ring tone.

"Yes ma'am."

"Hello." The voice on the other end spoke.

"Status report." Rei took another drag.

"Subject left the office building, he is on his way downtown. We guess for lunch."

"Location."

"Inconclusive. We'll call when he gets there."

"Do so." Rei hung up and stomped on her cigarette.

"So, uh…"

"Yamazaki."

"Yes ma'am."

"I'll be honest with you. This entire situation is off putting for me. On the whole, this is highly irregular. Are you a plant?" Rei stopped and turned to him.

It was the first time Rei actually got a good look at the young man. He wasn't attractive, but he wasn't ugly either. He had a sharp nose and eyes that seems a bit too far apart. His hair was in the military buzz cut style.

"Uh, no, I'm a human?"

Shit. Difficult to read.

"All right, let me tell you something about my unit. We are not a normal unit of Section-2. I don't usually report to Director Yamashita. I usually report to the Commander and Sub-Commander directly and no one else. We have a very specific objective, and that is to protect the good names of the pilots. Do you know what we do a lot of in this unit?"

"Uh…what?"

"We read a lot of newspapers. I'm going out to work the field for a little bit, but you stay here. You go into the break room and read all of today's papers that are available and you find and mark every article that even mentions the names of any of the pilots, even if it's in passing. Do that until I get back."

"Yes ma'am." Yamazaki clicked his heels and saluted, smiling wide.

"Don't do that."

"Yes ma'am."

-------

Kensuke felt his stomach flip flop. God, it was past lunch hour and there was still a humongous line. After talking to Loudmouth he looked at the time and determined that he'd wait until about 1:30 to get lunch. He'd get a sandwich, go back to the office, eat and type. Take no more than thirty minutes. But no. He had been waiting at least ten minutes in line. He hadn't even placed his order yet. Goddamn it. He checked his watch. Almost two in the afternoon.

"Mr. Aida." A soft voice spoke from behind him.

It took steel nerves he didn't have to keep from jumping out of his skin. It drew a few stares and he tried to laugh it off. He glanced back, caught red eyes and thought, Ayanami.

"Holy shit, Ayanami. Don't do that to me. Damn." Kensuke tried some deep breathing to recover.

"How are you?"

"I'll be all right once I get over this heart attack."

"I see. Late lunch?"

"Yeah." Kensuke took one last deep breath and turned to her. Christ she could be terrifying. She was like a ghost. And…she wasn't in uniform. Well, damn. She looked pretty good.

Rei's hair was her usual style, but she had actually put on some blush to give her cheeks more color. She wore a blue pleated skirt that went down to her knees, a white blouse and a brown jacket that seemed perhaps one size too large. And she was smiling.

"Oh, hey. You look, uh, different."

"Thank you." Ayanami bowed slightly.

"You look…nice." Kensuke felt himself go half-a-rod.

"Thank you." She brushed her hair back with the tips of her fingers. Damn. And then she pointed forward.

"Next!" The person behind the cash register called out. Shit, that was him. "You, uh…" He briefly turned back to her. "You getting lunch here too?"

"Yes." Rei nodded.

"I was gonna grab a table…" Such a liar. "Did you want to join me?"

"Oh, thank you. Yes, I will." Rei bowed slightly.

As Kensuke ordered his meal, he felt like such a scumbag. There was a stone at the bottom of his stomach. Remember Keiko. Remember Keiko. Keiko had been his first. He'd never had anyone else. Well, having lunch with someone wasn't cheating. It'd be fine. He'd catch up with Rei and he'd go back to work. If Maeda asked where he was, he was tape recording Ayanami. Did he have it? He felt for the micro-cassette recorder. Yes!

"Are you going to order?" The kid behind the cash register asked, raised eyebrows.

"Spicy teriyaki chicken sandwich." Kensuke picked a name right off the board.

The cashier gave him an empty cup and a straw.

"I'm a…" He turned back to Rei. "I'll grab a table over there."

"All right." Rei held her hand up to her mouth and seemed to giggle.

Wow. Easy Ken. He got a drink from the fountain and sat down at an empty table near the far wall. He watched Rei order and caught her glancing over at him. He half felt like a cheating turd. A stone sitting at the bottom of his stomach. But only half. After all, nothing was coming of it. Right?

He fingered the micro-cassette recorder in his pocket. As Rei approached, he hit the record button. If Maeda wondered where he had been, oh, he'd been talking to Rei. Should work.

"Please, have a seat." Kensuke tried to smile without looking like an idiot.

"Thank you." Rei nodded and sat across from him.

"Fancy meeting you here. Day after the…uh…you know."

"Yes, what a coincidence." Rei propped herself up on her elbows and drank her soda through a straw.

"Sorry about freaking out back there, you gave me kind of a fright." Kensuke laughed.

"I apologize. People always say I should announce my presence better, but I never know what they mean." She had such a cute smile.

"Yeah." Kensuke realized he had nothing to say. And panicked. Shit. "So, uh, you know, you look much different today."

"I have the day off from work." Rei shrugged. "How I am at work and how I am on my own time are different. Aren't you the same?"

"Oh, of course. I understand. It's just I'm a little surprised since you seemed so completely different yesterday. Oh, and by the way, the whole tape recorder thing, it wasn't what it seemed." Kensuke felt himself go red. Why bring that up, you idiot? Because you care what she thinks, asshole.

"I didn't think so. But Sohryuu can be unreasonable sometimes."

"Tell me about it. She'll always have that temper. Uh…" Think. Think of something. "I thought I heard Shinji say you're now with Section-2?"

"Yes." Rei nodded.

"That's a big change. What's that like?"

Rei held up her finger placed in front of her lips in a 'shh' gesture.

"Oh, right." Kensuke kicked himself. "It's not like I'm…but I understand, yeah." Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

"Relax, Aida." Rei smiled. "I'm not going to bite."

God help him.

-------

Keiko walked up and down the aisles of the bookstore. Nothing really caught her eye. It was depressing. Everything was manga or chewing gum. She mourned her nation's declining rate of literacy. It had been ages since anyone wrote anything resembling avant-garde. Too bad. Too bad. She might have to brave an English bookstore. She recalled going to bookstores on her last trip to America. Nothing but manga and chewing gum. Except in English. Plus romance novels. Let's not forget those literary gems.

She sighed. Depressing. Her stomach gurgled. She needed lunch. Maybe that's why she was so irritable. No! She was going to find something worth reading if it killed her. She enjoyed the novel she was currently reading, but she liked to space things out. She found if she rotated through two or three books at the same time, it kept things from becoming boring. Unless, of course, the book was oh my goosh excellent. Like 'Out' by Natsuo Kirino. She was actually disappointed when she finished that novel. Ho hum.

Up and down the aisles. Up and down. She needed an intellectual oasis. With muffins. Or sandwiches. Where would she find a good place to eat anyway? There was that ramen shop she passed on the way over…that was all the way back by the hotel. Ugh. She couldn't bear walking that far. Too hungry. Textbooks? Ai-ya. She couldn't suffer textbooks. Too boring…no story…and was that girl talking to herself?

"Amazon…sixty-four hundred. Here…seventy-two hundred. Shipping and handling…five hundred. But seven days? There's a quiz next week…" The girl looked familiar.

The girl had light brown hair, freckles, and wore glasses. She spoke to herself as she chewed on a finger nail, looking at the price on an English language textbook.

"I could cram…but it's only a three hundred difference. Hmm." The girl pouted.

The sister. One of them. Uh…Nozomi! That's where she saw her before!

"A three hundred difference isn't much of a difference at all." Keiko ventured.

"Oh! Shit!" Nozomi turned and dropped the textbook. "Oh, sorry." She laughed strangely, it jumped up and down. "I…uh…klutz." She bonked herself on the head with her hand.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. How very rude of me, I'm so sorry." Keiko tried to stop herself from giggling but failed horribly. That only seemed to make Nozomi laugh more. She picked up the textbook and handed back her.

"Thank you, I just talk to myself sometimes. Nervous habit. Makes me look a little loopy, I know." Nozomi smiled and her eyes drifted away. "I'm making it worse, aren't I?"

"No, no. I just, I shouldn't have. I just saw you and recognized you from the…uh…funeral. You're Nozomi Horaki. I'm so sorry for your loss." Keiko grimaced as she saw Nozomi's smile falter. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. I've been terribly rude and insensitive, it's just, I've been having a hard time finding my way around the city and I thought maybe you could point me to nearest place to eat. That's any good."

"Oh certainly." The young girl said mechanically. "Well, there's…"

"I'm sorry to be an inconvenience." Keiko interrupted. "But make it up to you, if you haven't had lunch, I'll buy for you as well."

Nozomi looked startled.

"Oh." She sounded surprised. "Really?"

"Yes, of course." Keiko bowed.

"Well, okay." Nozomi beamed.

Inwardly, Keiko breathed a heavy sigh of relief and smiled.

-------

As Rei walked back to the parking garage, she could feel that she was drawing the looks of many men. She hated it. She hated the attention and she hated the way they looked at her.

Once at the parking garage she skipped her floor and went one more up. It was empty save one jet black sedan. She made for it and got into the back seat. Two agents sat in the front.

"Well?" The one in the driver's seat turned to look at her.

"Cigarette." She said, her pleasant demeanor completely gone. She took the offered cigarette and the other agent lit it for her. "Crack the windows."

They rolled the windows down a few inches. She inhaled and blew smoke. She enjoyed the cigarette for a few moments before speaking. She needed to collect her thoughts. The assessment certainly wasn't what she was hoping for. It's not like she wanted to hurt him. It's not like she wanted to hurt anyone. But they were all the same.

"I want an agent on Mr. Aida at all times." She finally said.

"So it's confirmed?"

"Yes." She took another drag. "I heard the tape stop when it reached the end. He was recording me. We have to assume he'll record the pilots if given half the chance." She inhaled and blew smoke. "He's living in a hotel at the moment. Do we know where he'll be moving?"

"Some apartment downtown." The agent in the passenger's seat leafed through a report. "He's moving in at the end of the week."

"As soon as the phone company enables service to his apartment, I want his phone tapped. I want you to use our previous cover for the Tokyo Eye. Have the phone company cut service to the entire floor temporarily. Send in our crew as a repair team and bug his office phone and his cubicle. Here's his card. On it is his cell phone number. Get it to tech and see if they can catch his number bouncing off the satellites. Consider Mr. Aida a Class A threat. Every time he contacts the pilots, I want to know about it." Rei tossed her cigarette out the window.

"Roger that." The agent in the passenger seat wrote furiously. "You want fries with that?"

"Funny. Cigarette."

They handed her another and lit it.

"You doing all right?" The agent in the driver's seat raised his eyebrows.

"Of course. Mr. Aida presents a unique kind of threat is all. We need to play him soft. He's still friends with the pilots, of course, namely Shinji. The last thing we need is to press too hard an end up stepping on him. Aida, that is. The loss of yet another friend might make Shinji…unstable." Rei took a drag and exhaled. She half wanted to execute Aida before he became a serious threat.

"One last thing." She continued. "Spread the word around, but carefully of course. We have a new member in the unit. A man named Yousuke Yamazaki. Tell him nothing of our ops. He very well could be a plant. His arrival is suspicious. Forced on me by the Director. Who's sitting idle?"

"In our unit?"

"Yes."

"Harada and Kuriki haven't had much to do lately."

"Have Harada look up the Director's history of phone calls. Both his office and his home phone."

"Our Director? As in Section-2 Director Yamashita?"

"The same. Have him take the history back a full month. And have Kuriki heavy hand our contacts in the Prefecture Attorney's Office. I smell a rat. Tell them to report to no one but me." Rei blew smoke.

The two agents breathed in heavily and exhaled sharply.

"Roger that." They said in unison.

Rei thought back on her conversation with Kensuke.

Watch your step, Aida. Lest you trip and fall.

-------

One synchronization test, one hot shower and one case of the shits later, Asuka found herself in the de-briefing room next to Shinji and Henry Bridger. They sat at a long table. At the head sat Captain Takeda, looking considerably peeved. Fuyutsuki must've torn him a new one. Takeda hadn't said a thing all through the synchronization test and hadn't said a word to them since they entered the debriefing room. Asuka couldn't help but smirk.

She lit two cigarettes and handed one off to Shinji. Near the head of the table was Dr. Ibuki, going over her notes from the synchronization test. Also at the table were a few tactical officers. Takeda's people.

"Now that we're all here," Takeda finally spoke, "Shall we start with the results of the synchronization test? Dr. Ibuki?"

"Of course." Dr. Ibuki shuffled papers. "Pilot Ikari holds the highest synchronization score at seventy-two percent. Down four percent since the last test. Pilot Sohryuu finished with fifty-eight percent. Down ten percent from the last test. Pilot Bridger is at forty-three percent. A one percent gain since the last test." Dr. Ibuki sighed. "My analysis is as follows. It comes as no surprise to me that Ikari's and Sohryuu's scores have declined. Emotional states have, in the past, been solid indicators of a pilot's overall effectiveness. Though I would be lying if I said that such a sharp decline in Sohryuu's score didn't worry me at least a little bit. My final recommendation would be that I do not advise any measures be taken until we can run another test to determine whether or not this decline is a fluke. I will be scheduling another synchronization test for Tuesday of next week."

"Thank you Dr. Ibuki." Takeda shuffled through his papers.

Asuka waited for his snide remark. But none came. She chuckled.

"Something you'd like to share with us, Pilot Sohryuu?" Takeda looked up from his papers, red.

"Nothing, captain."

"All right then, why don't we go over the footage from the last battle."

Asuka closed her eyes and willed the memories of the last battle away. Far, far away.

"Do I need to be here for this?" She asked.

"You, of all people, need to be here for this. Yes." Takeda said levelly.

Oh God…Asuka could see it all…every moment…

The door burst open. A black uniformed officer lunged into the room.

"Code 9! Code 9!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Shit!" Takeda jumped out of his chair, causing it to clatter to the floor. He raced to the communication box on the wall of the debriefing room and grabbed the phone. He punched in several numbers. His voice echoed through the entire base.

"Code 9. I repeat. Code 9. All primary military personnel report to central command. Once again. I repeat. Code 9. All primary military personnel report to central command. Immediately."

-------

NERV went into red alert.

Central Dogma had exploded into activity.

Tactical officers and military technicians flew about, yelling status reports, screaming orders.

"We are under attack! I repeat! We are under attack!" Outside audio boomed through.

"Do we have visual!?" Takeda called out.

"No sir, we're still trying to connect to the fleet cameras."

"I want satellite imagery up ASAP!"

"Satellite imagery coming on now!"

"Live footage from the fleet coming on now!"

Several screens opened up. A fleet at sea flying U.N. flags was under fire. Ships were rocked by missiles, cannon bombardment and torpedoes.

"What are we looking at Captain?" Katsuragi called from her command station. Fuyutsuki occupied the chair Gendo once had.

"This is the U.N. fleet that was carrying Eva parts to our ports. The shipment from America. They've come under attack. The identity of the attackers is as of yet unknown." Takeda responded. "Let's cycle through the visuals! Right now!"

The screens began cycling through feeds. One angle then another.

"Hold the feed on screen four!"

There it was. A nuclear ballistic missile sub retrofitted to carry a Mass Production Eva. The beast harnessed a missile launcher and fired round after round at the U.N. combat fleet.

"Get the pilots to their cages and launch!" Katsuragi commanded.

"Belay that order commander!" Takeda whipped around. "We don't know if we're looking at an isolated attack or a full assault! If we send out the Eva they'll be moving before our forces are able to mobilize! They'll never get there in time and will only be overextended and exposed!"

The pilots looked back and forth between Katsuragi and Takeda.

"Belay the launch order!" Katsuragi finally called out.

"All right! I want screens five through seven cycling through our outpost feeds! I want contact with all foreign embassies! What's going on in the world, people?!"

"Sir! Reports are coming in that the U.N. outpost in Manila has come under attack by Pan-Asian Insurgents!"

"U.N. patrols up and down the East Asian coast are coming under fire!"

"We've lost all contact with our embassy in Bangkok!"

"Our forward base in South Korea has come under heavy fire!"

"Our forward base in Manchuria reports that they've come under heavy fire!"

"It's been confirmed that the military forces attacking our Manchurian forward base are organized army regulars of General Fong!"

"Sir! It's been confirmed that the navy attacking our fleet to the north is flying the colors of General Qiang!"

"So, Qiang and Fong have allied, have they?" Fuyutsuki said softly.

"We've always suspected that." Katsuragi snorted.

"But the Pan-Asia Insurgents?" Fuyutsuki frowned. "And who's attacking our Korean base?"

-------

Keiko took a big bite out of her sandwich.

"This is fantastic!" She exclaimed.

Nozomi giggled and took a sip of her soda.

"Hey! Hey!" One of the waiters came running from the diner kitchen. He toted a large radio. He slammed it onto one of the tables and plugged it in to a power outlet.

A woman's voice filtered through the radio.

"Unconfirmed reports indicate that this is an organized attack…"

-------

"Sources say that U.N. forces were ambushed…"

Rei turned up her car radio. She came to a stoplight and lit a cigarette. Well, shit's hit fan.

-------

"We interrupt your broadcast for this breaking news report. Two major Chinese factions have declared open war on Japan and the U.N. General Fong of the People's Army of China and General Qiang of the Chinese Nationalist Army attacked Japanese and U.N. forces throughout Asia. This attack is unprovoked. Our viewers may recognize General Qiang as the man who led an unsuccessful strike on a military base stationed outside of Osaka not three weeks ago…"

Toji's hand trembled.

"Daddy? What happened to Doraemon?" Shotaro wondered about his kid's show.

Toji couldn't answer.

-------

Kensuke walked back into the office to find everyone away from their desks. He looked around and saw the entire office congregated in the break room. He jogged up. The TV was cranked up loud.

"We bring you a statement made by Prime Minister Takashita."

"What's going?" Kensuke asked Loudmouth.

"Don't you listen to your fucking radio?" Loudmouth spoke softly. "You thought we were at war before against one military madman and a group of bumfuck revolutionaries. Now we're officially at war with all of mother fucking Asia."

-------

"Wait! Hold screen two!" Takeda called out. "Block A-3! What's that! Zoom and clarify!"

The technicians worked their magic. The command center went silent.

The image in question was of the initial attack at sea. From the camera feed of one of the U.N. ships, in the far corner, a ship in the distance, firing its guns at the U.N. fleet. In block A-3 of the frame, the blurry, distant image of a national flag could be seen. Zoomed and clarified…

"Oh fuck me." Takeda was the first one to speak. "That's the Russian flag."

**End Chapter 2**

Writer's Notes: Chapter 2. For your enjoyment. Or not. This came out actually relatively quickly. I'm surprised. Anyway, all forms of criticism are wanted and appreciated. Special thanks to Fresh C. And check out evafics dot org. Cause I'm constantly whoring that site. Could it be because I work there? I don't know...


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, it is in fact owned by Gainax. Neither is there any intention to copy the works of any other writers. Any similarities in plot, situations, character dialogue, etc. found between this fic and any other fic is unintentional and purely coincidental.**

--------

Excerpt taken from: "All Under Heaven: A Comprehensive Report on the Greater East Asian War" by Akiko Morioka-Preston.

The UN and the JSSDF acted on what was later identified as faulty intelligence, under the impression that NERV, once it had defeated all of the Angels, would refuse to relinquish its Evangelion units to the UN. An independent organization in control of such power was viewed as unacceptable by the world at large, and NERV, having no nationality as an organization, had no allies to turn to. It was reasonable to assume that there were no objections to the UN's plan to put all NERV facilities out of commission through force.

The New Year's Massacre, which incidentally did not happen on New Year's Day but actually on January 25th 2016, was nothing short of a military fiasco. The JSSDF and other national military groups attacked the NERV facilities exercising extreme prejudice. However, the attack on NERV Central located in Tokyo-3 was carried out with the expectation that NERV would only have one qualified Evangelion pilot with which to mount a counter attack. JSSDF commanders wished to strike deep enough into NERV quickly enough to keep an Evangelion counter-attack from taking place. Even so, the Mass Production Evangelions, which had been built by China and Russia, were brought in to minimize casualties sustained in the event that NERV was able to mobilize an Evangelion. The Mass Production Evangelions (MPE) were operated through an AI system with the expectation that a highly developed AI could out-strategize and out-perform the human pilots which NERV used.

The assumption that NERV would only be able to mobilize one Evangelion was erroneous. Furthermore, the AI which controlled the MPE could not out-perform the human pilots as expected. After the destruction of one of the MPE, it became apparent that the battle could not be won. The remaining MPE were recalled. The combined JSSDF/UN forces which led the attack on NERV Central suffered tremendous human casualties.

**The Lighthouse**

**Chapter 3**

"God fucking help us." Kensuke realized that he had been holding his breath.

"Fucking A." Loudmouth concurred.

"Fucking A." Chain Smoker echoed.

"What the fuck are you cocksuckers staring at?" Maeda's voice boomed from the back of the crowd. "Are Miko Kawada's bare fucking tits on that TV?"

The group of reporters remained silent.

"Then get the fuck back to work! The world doesn't stop with a fucking war! Those of you with political contacts, you should be on the mother fucking phones, jockeying for press conference spots and getting statements! The rest of you, I know you have work you could be doing right now! Get to it!"

The office erupted into a cacophony of yelling and high speed movement.

Kensuke loosened his tie as he followed Loudmouth and Chain Smoker back to their cluster of cubicles. "If Kawada's tits were actually on that TV, do you think he would've let us stay?"

Loudmouth and Chain Smoker laughed.

"The boss is fucking obsessed with that woman. I think he might've joined us." Smoker chained another cigarette.

"Aida!" Maeda's voice pierced the din and drilled themselves into Kensuke's ears.

"I'll send flowers to your funeral." Loudmouth ducked into his cubicle.

"Shit." Kensuke sighed.

"In my office, Aida!"

Kensuke felt for his recorder and jogged to Maeda's office.

"What's up, Chief?" Kensuke put on his best smile.

"I've been looking for you for the past two hours. Where the fuck have you been?" Maeda kicked back in his chair.

"At lunch."

"Ken, I asked you for that fucking report typed up ASAP. You don't have fucking time for lunch when I want something ASAP!" Maeda was up and leaning across his desk.

"Let me rephrase." Kensuke could tell he was going to love the priceless look on his boss' face. "I was having lunch with Rei Ayanami."

Maeda was silent. Then he broke into a smile.

"Ken. Ken. I knew you wouldn't bail on me without a good reason. Hey!" He turned his fingers into mock guns. "You got a tape?"

Kensuke pulled his recorder and tossed it to his boss.

"You're fantastic. I wish all my guys were as innovative as you. Sit down! Sit! Let's listen to what you have."

-------

The briefing room was packed with people. Asuka could barely breathe. She could feel her twitch developing, right at the scar beneath her eye. It pulled, it tugged, it made her blink. Shinji stood next to her, that solemn look on his face. She knew what he was thinking. She was thinking the same thing. She was thinking that she needed a hit.

She watched Shinji pull out his prescription bottle. He popped out two and downed them both. Lucky bastard. She sighed and chewed on her lower lip. She felt a tug at her sleeve. She felt Shinji press something into the palm of her hand. She tried, as discreetly as possible, to pop the pill. She dry swallowed it.

Murmurs and mutters filled the room. What was going on? Was this an all out war? How would the U.N. react? What countries were involved? Was that an authorized attack by the Russians? Were any other Chinese generals involved?

There was a bang as Misato entered the room with an authority Asuka had stopped seeing 10 years ago. The mass of bodies parted for her and Hyuga, her official aide. She situated herself at the front and center of the room. Hyuga laid papers and charts out in front of her. The room had gone completely silent.

"Unofficial NERV casualties number seven hundred dead, times two wounded and captured." She began and shuffled papers. "There was no attack on any Japanese territories. But many of our forward bases were hit. And many of those were either taken or razed. Cost of damages…are estimated to be quite high."

Asuka willed the painkiller to take effect already, to dampen the sinking in her gut which was bound to start once Misato began to outline their plans of action.

"Normally, our Director of Tactical Operations, Captain Takeda would be briefing you at this time, but he's still in Central Dogma. Directing the defenses of our facilities that are still standing. This is what we're looking at."

The room darkened and Hyuga pulled down a screen. He gave a thumbs up and a slide came on. It showed China, color coded according to who controlled what region.

"We have lost our forward bases in Harbin, Changchung and Hohhot, here in the north. We have also been cut off from our outposts in Macau-2, Manila, Saipan-2 and Bangkok. All of those outposts are considered lost. Our forward base located on Hainan has reported that they have successfully fended off a large, disorganized group of Pan-Asia Insurgents. Given Hainan's position, that being in the immediate proximity of our ally General Zhou's forces stationed in Guanxi and Yunnan, as well as taking into consideration that Guangdong is being governed by Admiral Lau, we believe that our base in Hainan is relatively safe for the time being. But we'll return to that in a bit. Meanwhile, our forward base just north of Seoul is still under attack. When I last left Takeda, the situation looked dire, but stable. Confirmed reports indicate that it is a combined attack by Russian and North Korean forces. We do not know whether or not this is an official declaration of war by North Korea and Russia. Neither country has made an official statement. Neither do we know if they are in league with General Fong and General Qiang. Until North Korea and Russia make official statements, we must assume that the Generals leading these attacks are acting independently of their countries."

"What about our base in Moscow?" A young officer asked.

"Very good question." Misato signaled a change of the slide. It was another map of China, but the colors had shifted. "Oddly enough, our base in Russia is untouched and they were unaware of what was going on until about two hours ago. Our extended family there is currently applying pressure to the Russian government.

"You'll notice on this map that General Fong seems to control more territory than we had initially thought. Whereas we thought he may have been confined to Sichuan and Qinghai, we think he may have acquired rights of passage through Gansu and Ningxia-Hui through bribery or any other form of shady diplomacy. As a result he had been able to move his extended armies up through Mongolia to position themselves for their attack on Hohhot, and allowed them to participate on the assault upon Changchung. That region is lost to us. General Qiang…well, there's not much to say about that cocksucker. He has every city between Shenyang and Shanghai-3. He could've hit Changchung with artillery and not crossed the border. However, that being said, Jilin has fallen to him. He has advanced and only within the past hour has taken our forward base in Harbin. The good news is that his advance has been stopped by combined NERV and UN forces. The bad news is that those combined forces are cutoff and surrounded by hostile Chinese, and assumed hostile North Korean and Russian forces. Ladies and gentlemen, we have just been fucked.

"Now. Here's the question of the day. How do we unfuck ourselves?"

The room was quiet for a moment before another young officer spoke up.

"Are they allied? These unified attacks aren't just coincidence, right?"

"It is safe to assume that General Fong and General Qiang are allied. It really does defy logic, one being communist and one being fascist. However, they seem to share a common goal in uniting China once again. We believe that this singular goal is what also ties them in with the Pan-Asia insurgents. We have no records of them meeting with leaders of the Pan-Asia movement, but that doesn't mean that meetings haven't been taking place. When it comes right down to it, we don't know a whole lot about them. All of Eastern Asia is in chaos. It's near impossible to accumulate any accurate data of political movement. I will say this. Let's not concern ourselves with anything outside of Fong and Qiang. There are eight Mass Production Evas left. Fong has two. Qiang has two. Czenko has one. And the remaining three are missing, and it is assumed that they are being utilized by individual Chinese and Mongolian warlords. Let's not give these people a reason to unite. Chaos is good. Now, let's hear some plans."

-------

"No, frankly I don't see how it's our problem at all. We have no people there." Fuyutsuki held the phone to his ear, fingers drumming on his desk top.

Rei had changed back into her uniform and stood at attention the Commander's office.

"No, we are not attached to the UN. We are an auxiliary military group funded by the UN. It's true, we don't carry out many operations without their support, but only because most of our operations require more manpower than we are currently allotted." Fuyutsuki paused. "You're asking me to put my people and equipment in danger for an operation that has a very small margin for success. Why don't you ask New Zealand or Australia. They're closer to your outpost than we are…no, I'm not joking…I'm not sure they would find those comments very flattering…listen, what can you do for us…? Five thousand soldiers…yes…all right, I'll mobilize immediately."

Fuyutsuki hung up the phone and called an aide over.

"Have our outpost in Singapore immediately send a rescue team to the American Embassy in Borneo."

The aide rushed off with the message.

"Always collecting favors." Rei said and approached the desk.

"We always need favors. You know that." Fuyutsuki began to gather his things. "Walk with me. I have to get to the strategy meeting in the briefing room."

"Mr. Aida is proving to be a threat. I had lunch with him and he recorded our conversation." Rei recounted her afternoon.

"I thought you'd have something important to tell me." They exited the Commander's office and threaded their way through the halls. "Something like a reason as to why our friends in Mongolia and Central China, who we've been so graciously feeding arms and munitions at less than bargain basement wholesale prices, did not alert us to these movements. Have you even bothered trying to contact them?"

"This is important. The last thing we can stand right now is for the people to discover the truth about the pilots. Their faith in our organization will crumble. We will lose all support. And our enemies will try to take advantage of our weaknesses."

"Ayanami," Fuyutsuki sighed, "There is a very good chance that at least one of the pilots will be going overseas. Pilot Bridger has nothing to hide. We already know that Pilot Sohryuu cannot stand Mr. Aida so we'll just send Pilot Ikari. Stop worrying about Aida and redirect your focus."

"If we do that he'll slip under our radar and the next time we hear of him, it'll be an exposé piece in the Tokyo Eye written by Mr. Aida."

"We're at war. Has that somehow escaped you? I need you on counter-intelligence. And I need you to lean on our contacts. If you have to step on them, then do it. If they're out of the loop then we have no need for them anyway."

Rei bit her tongue and followed the Commander into the darkened briefing room. There was a map of China at the front of the room.

"Sorry I'm late." Fuyutsuki didn't explain himself. "Have we developed a plan?"

"We're sending two pilots to Hainan first thing tomorrow." Katsuragi proceeded. "Either Ikari or Sohryuu with Bridger. We're currently working on acquiring rights of passage from Admiral Lau and we hope to threaten Qiang's southern border, keep him from committing even more soldiers to the push northward…"

"Send Ikari and Sohryuu." The Captain's voice seemed to issue from right next to Rei's ear. The Captain brushed by her and pushed his way up to the front. Oh. That's why.

"How did the defense go?" Fuyutsuki asked the Captain.

"They retreated. We can't just threaten one and not the other. We have to make sure that we stop both Qiang and Fong by threatening both of their bases. I just got off the line with General Zhou and he agreed to retrofit his airfields in Guiyang to accommodate the Evas." The Captain took his spot front and center.

"I…see." Fuyutsuki raised his eyebrows.

Rei wasn't aware that the Captain had that kind of authority. And it seemed neither was Fuyutsuki.

"Please forgive my presumption." The Captain saluted. "But time is of the essence. Our forces in Heilongjiang won't last long under a three pronged attack. What we do is that we borrow a few divisions from Zhou and march on Changsha. Once we establish a new forward base there, then we'll be threatening both Chengdu and Shanghai-3. Not to mention we'll be just south of Hubei, and we know that Zhou has been itching to take back Hubei since he was driven out by Qiang two years ago."

"Captain, I don't mean to contradict…" Katsuragi began, looking as though she, in fact, did mean to contradict. "You realize that Hunan is neither friend nor foe? They are a neutral territory controlled by General Xue. We just got through discussing that we do not want to engender any ill will against us."

"General Xue has never made a move because he's too scared. Qiang knew this which is why he left him alone, probably planning on coming back to him later. Zhou and Lau never moved on Xue because he holds an MP Eva."

"How do you know this?" Fuyutsuki asked sharply.

"Deduction. Why else would a wet blanket like Xue still be around? Laws of nature permitting, he should've caved long ago."

"If Zhou knew about it he would've told us."

"Zhou is our ally as a matter of survival. He figures that if he tells us, we'll move in and take the MPE away from him. He's just looking for an opening to take it for himself."

"None of that changes that we're going to piss off a lot of Chinese by launching an attack against a neutral."

"That's if we attack. If we throw our two best pilots out there with Zhou's army, Xue will cave without a fight. We give Zhou the MPE Xue has and promise Xue asylum. It happens clean. We hold Changsha, Zhou has an Eva he'll want to use to take Hubei. Fong and Qiang will stop their attacks. And they will not strike at Japan because our two best pilots are knocking on their doors." The Captain smiled.

"I hope you're right about that MPE." Fuyutsuki said and rubbed his sinuses. "All right, report to your offices, you all will be receiving assignments shortly. If you want to talk to your loved ones, do it now because all personal time will be forfeited once you get your assignments. Captain, in my office."

Rei exhaled sharply and got out of the room before the stampede. She leaned up against a wall and waited for Shinji and Asuka to appear. The tactical officers left the briefing room, talking amongst themselves.

Rei thought back on Kensuke and felt a headache coming on. She supposed that it was inevitable for the time being. He would have to go free. Or…she could keep tabs on him using Kitao's men. She felt a smile coming on. One weight off her mind. Two to go. The plant suspicion and counter-intelligence. Counter-intelligence didn't seem so difficult. She figured that information manipulation would work fine. Chinese spies weren't worth a damn anyway.

"I guess we're heading out tomorrow." Asuka said as she approached. "It'll be nice to see a little action for a change."

"You think so." Shinji had his usual dismal expression.

"Well, I'm off the clock. I need a drink. You want a drink, Wonder Girl?" Asuka pulled out her cigarettes and offered the group. Rei and Shinji accepted.

"You know I don't drink." Rei worked the kinks out of her neck. "But I'll join you if you want the company."

"Oh, I do want." Asuka pulled off her beret and stuck it in her belt. "Girls night out, Shinji. I'll see you at home. Don't start without me."

"Yeah, sure." Shinji seemed to say to himself before walking off.

"Are you sure he shouldn't come with us?" Rei furrowed her brow as she watched Shinji go.

"He'll be fine. He's no fun when he's sulking anyway."

"Everyone should aspire to such standards in a relationship."

"Oh what do you know? I'm trying to feel good about this whole thing and you're bringing me down with bullshit." Asuka shot back.

Rei just shrugged.

"If you must know, I was planning on making it up to him later." Asuka sniped. "I was planning on going out, getting toasted with you and then going back and to give him a good drunken fucking. The kind where I'm too toasted to care where he puts it."

"Oh, what a gift. He should feel so lucky. And you get nothing out of that deal?"

"You know what? I changed my fucking mind. I'm going drinking by myself. You can go home and fuck yourself."

"You already made the offer. You can't rescind it. You're stuck with me now." Rei snickered.

-------

"Thank you so much for the invitation." Keiko said for what must've been the hundredth time. She realized that she must be getting a little annoying, but the truth was that she was excited.

"Really, you shouldn't be alone. Who knows what might happen now. We could come under attack…" Nozomi adjusted her glasses and smiled her strange smile. "What about your boyfriend? Kensuke?"

Keiko sighed. She had thought of calling him, but she knew that he wouldn't have picked up.

"Well, he's probably busy now."

"Is he with the military? NERV?"

"He's a reporter." Keiko smiled wryly.

"Oh! Ooooh." Nozomi smiled. "That must be interesting."

"That's one way to put it."

"Uh oh. It isn't?"

"Sorry. I shouldn't say. I'm just in a weird mood. I can be such a bitch." Keiko shook herself out and laughed.

"No." Nozomi laughed with her.

"We're here, ladies." The cab driver slid open the plastic divider and peered over. "Forty-three fifty."

"All right." Nozomi opened her purse and began to fish around.

"Here." Keiko had been watching the meter and had gotten money ready ahead of time. "Keep the change."

"Oh, no you don't." Nozomi took out some bills and held them out to Keiko.

"Please, no, it's the least I can do. You're having me over for supper." Keiko stuck her hands in her pockets.

"Take it. Don't make me look like a jerk." Nozomi's hand remained out.

Keiko found herself in an awkward position. Would it be more polite to accept or refuse?

"If you two are having a problem, I'll take it." The cab driver snorted like a pig as he laughed.

The situation suddenly became uncomfortable. Keiko took the money.

"Thank you." Keiko said and left the cab hurriedly.

And she found herself looking up at a magnificent house. Two stories, very traditional. Lord. It was her dream home. Or the closest thing she had ever come to seeing it.

"Is this your house?" She couldn't help but ask.

"Oh, well, it's my father's." Nozomi stood beside her as the cab drove off. "But I live here, yeah. I grew up here. I can't wait to move out."

"If I owned a house like this I'd never leave." Keiko caught a strange look from Nozomi.

"Yeah, it's nice." She concurred. "Come on in! Toji should be home with his kids."

"Oh! How nice that he's staying with you. Those kids are adorable." Keiko followed Nozomi through the front gate and up the walkway.

"I know!" Nozomi gushed and then pulled a blank look.

Keiko bit her lip and cursed herself.

The Horaki home was decorated exactly the way that Keiko thought it would be. She had to stop herself from touching everything. Real wood. Probably built with hands of an actual artisan, and not some rough, leatherneck construction worker with Yakuza tattoos. She loved the architecture. She loved the feel. She closed her eyes and smelled the dust, the finish, the wholesome nature of everything.

"Hi Sho!"

Keiko opened her eyes and saw Toji's son descending the stairs, one step at a time.

"Careful, careful!" Nozomi kneeled at the bottom and scooped up the child as he reached the bottom step. "Arr! C'mere you!"

Shotaro squealed and giggled as Nozomi held him under her arm.

"Where's your sister at?"

"Reading."

"And where's your daddy?" She asked as she put him down.

"Watching boring news." Shotaro pouted. "They took away Doraemon!"

"Oh did they? Well, we'll have to call them and tell them to put him back."

"Yeah." Shotaro took her hand and walked with Nozomi towards, what Keiko guessed was, the living room.

Keiko couldn't suppress her smile if she tried and could feel her biological clock tick tick ticking. She took off her shoes and followed the two.

There was no way that she could've missed the sounds the TV was making. She wondered how…how on earth she was able to miss the yelling, the gunfire, the explosions. Toji sat on the couch, back to them. Nozomi had picked up Shotaro, and the child had buried his face in her neck.

Keiko ventured around the side of the couch and saw Toji leaning forward, elbows on knees, staring wide eyed at the TV.

"This is live footage of the gallant resistance being put up by the soldiers of NERV. We are here, in a small town just west of Binzhou in the Heilongjiang province of China. We are here, in great danger I might add, to bring you this story. General Qiang's forces have been advancing ever steadily northward, razing and destroying everything in its path, or so it seems. We have seen them gun down innocent civilians trying to get away from the violence. It has reached such extreme measures that NERV has volunteered to stave off the advance while the remaining UN forces attempt to evacuate as many people from Binzhou as possible…"

The TV was clicked off. Keiko saw that Nozomi had finally taken matters into her own hands and had picked up the TV controller. But Toji continued to stare at the blank TV screen.

"Toji." Nozomi finally said.

Keiko watched as Toji slowly came out of his trance.

"We have a guest." Nozomi continued.

"What? Oh. Huh? I'm sorry. I…" Toji shook his head as if trying to get the images out of his head. "Oh! Forgive me." He stood up and bowed.

"No, please forgive me." Keiko bowed as well. "I realize that I'm intruding. If now isn't a good time, I can go."

"Nonsense." Toji waved it off and smiled. It made him look sick.

"This is Keiko Matsunaga. Kensuke's girlfriend?" Nozomi introduced her.

"Oh yes, of course. I don't think we met formally." Toji shifted on his feet. "Uh, well, will you be joining us for supper?"

-------

"I know it's mostly bullshit." Kensuke leaned back in his chair, trying to suppress what he knew was a smug look. "But I figure…"

"Gain their trust, right." Maeda doused his cigarette and leaned back in his chair. "I heard this Section-2 come up a few times. Who are they?"

"Uh…" Kensuke scratched his chin. "They're kind of like NERV's secret police."

"They have one of those? Interesting. Very interesting." Maeda created a steeple in front of his face with his hands and stared straight ahead.

Kensuke shifted in his seat, just watching his boss.

"Very interesting." Maeda said again.

Kensuke jumped as he heard his cell phone ring. Jesus. He reached into his pocket, silenced it, then looked at the caller. Shinji's number.

"Who is it?" Maeda asked as Kensuke put his phone away.

"Ah, a friend. Shinji."

"Aren't you going to answer it?"

"Oh, uh, yeah." Kensuke felt his smooth run out and he fumbled for his phone. "Hello?" He answered, hoping Shinji hadn't reached voicemail.

"Hey, Kensuke?"

"Yo, Shinji. How's it going?"

"Ah, you know." Shinji sounded uncertain. There was a pause before he continued. "So I was wondering if you wanted to go get a drink tonight or something? We never really did catch up."

"You know what, man, I got a lot of work to do tonight…" Kensuke remembered the report, and then saw his boss go wide-eyed, motioning him to keep going. "But, you know what, fuck it. I could use a drink. It's been one hell of a day."

"Yeah, all right. Well, I'm gonna be at Nori's downtown. It's a restaurant-bar, so we can get supper too. You need directions?" Shinji all of a sudden sounded relieved.

"I, uh…" Kensuke wasn't sure where it was going, he was fumbling with his words, busy watching his boss and trying to interpret the looks he was getting. "I can get a map from my computer."

"All right. You know when you're getting off work?"

"I can actually be out of here right now."

"All right. I'll meet you there then. I'm pretty sure I'll get there first, I'm on my way right now. I'll grab a table."

"All right, see you in a few." Kensuke breathed a sigh of relief as Maeda gave him a thumbs-up. He hung up. "So…"

"So I think you'll need this." Maeda pushed the recorder back towards him. "Do you need a fresh tape?"

"What about the report that you wanted me to do? I thought you said…" Kensuke knew the answer ahead of time, but needed to hear it nonetheless.

"Ken, I know what I fucking said. I was fucking there, okay? Take the report home with you and I want it on my desk tomorrow morning."

"Yeah."

Well, he wasn't getting any sleep. Fuck. Oh well. Wait, shit.

"Uh, by the way, about all this stuff we're talking about, with NERV and the rest, I want the story." Kensuke felt fear rising in his chest. "If you hand this shit off to anybody else, print anything that I bring in without me knowing, you'll be printing premature and you'll destroy my contact…"

"Ken, I'm fucking insulted. You think I'm an amateur? You're safe. Now get the fuck out of here before I throw you out." Maeda dismissed him with the wave of his hand.

Kensuke left the office still feeling slightly deflated. Images ran through his head of headline articles on NERV. Maeda didn't seem like the kind of person who would think twice about printing a hot story. He thought of Rei…and wondered if it might've been better to take the verbal thrashing Maeda had been ready to give him for taking lunch. Shit.

-------

"Where did you find your information?" Fuyutsuki looked none too pleased.

Misato didn't blame him. She, too, was not happy with their operations director.

"From Tactical Command." Takeda answered.

"Bullshit." Misato couldn't help herself. "We didn't enter that information into Tactical Command."

"So you admit that you already knew that General Xue was in possession of an MPE." Takeda stood at attention, looking defiant. Who the fuck did he think he was?

"That's not the issue at hand. You have accessed information which you were not authorized to see. That information is need to know…" Fuyutsuki took over.

"And I need to know that information, sir. I cannot do my job if I do not have all the information available…"

"Must you always be so righteous!"

Even Misato cringed when Fuyutsuki yelled.

"We have our reasons for keeping that information secret! I have enough problems running this organization, lobbying with political groups, dispersing counter-intelligence, without having to worry about my subordinates going behind my back and hamstringing me! It turns out that when you're not making the pilots' business your own, you're peeking at information way above your pay grade! And I'm tired of dealing with it!"

Misato almost felt for the young Captain Takeda. Almost. He seemed to have paled and stood unsteadily.

"Shape up Takeda!" Fuyutsuki hands were balled into fists, his face red. "You are not going to China with the pilots tomorrow. You are staying here at base. Sub-Commander Katsuragi will be taking command of this situation."

"What?" Takeda bugged.

Yeah, what? Misato found herself staring wide-eyed at Fuyutsuki, but quickly corrected herself.

"I think you and I need to have a come to Jesus session. For the next few weeks we will be clarifying your position in our organization. Re-establish our boundaries."

Misato watched as Takeda visibly deflated. He looked as though he were ready to cry.

"You overplayed your hand." Fuyutsuki went on. "And I can't have that kind of judgment out in the field. I attribute your poor decision making to your lack of understanding of the political world, and in turn I attribute that to your youth. You're a terrific and talented battle tactician. But a political monster you are not. At least not yet.

"I want to see you in my office first thing tomorrow morning, and I'll explain exactly what you did wrong. But for now, I need to fix what you screwed up. Good job on the South Korea defense. Go home and get some sleep."

Misato watched as Takeda slunk out of the room with the tail between his legs.

"So I guess I should start packing?" She said, already feeling her stomach lurch at the anticipation of a long boat ride.

"If you want I can assign someone else from our strategist pool." Fuyutsuki rubbed his sinuses. "I volunteered you because I thought it would hurt less for him to know that I was sending someone higher on the chain than someone lower."

"Why are you taking it easy on him?" Misato took the seat across from the Commander's desk. "When I was Tactical Operations Director, I didn't pull that kind of shit. I know, I know I still pulled some stupid stuff, but him? He's all sorts of liabilities rolled into one."

"Conscience."

"What?"

"He's my conscience." Fuyutsuki sighed. "Not only is he a talented tactician, but he's also here to keep me honest."

"Morbid curiosity has me paying attention."

"We know things need to be done, and sometimes in order to get those things done efficiently, we need to take the less than ethical route." Fuyutsuki shrugged. "I don't want to become Gendo."

"Is your wife dead?"

"I never married."

"There we go."

"That's not the point. And you know it."

"I just don't have a good feeling about this kid."

"When's the last time you had a good feeling about anything?"

Misato smiled. He had a point. "Touché."

"Mm."

"Well, before I go, you want to go over a new plan for advance? There's no way we can go with Takeda's plan. Zhou is two steps ahead of us on this."

Fuyutsuki sighed. "Let's."

"Well, on the bright side, walking into a known trap is better than stumbling into an unknown."

-------

Rei sipped on a Coke as she watched Asuka knock back shot after shot of sake. Of course, Asuka had chosen the Red Raccoon bar for her drinking. Rei knew from reports that she never drank anyplace else. When they had gotten there, they had been, of course, greeted by Mr. Kitao Asano. As Asuka was led to her table, Rei had pulled him aside.

"I'll need more of your men."

"I assumed as much when I heard of the attacks." Asano had said through a faux smile.

"Favor gets bigger."

"Oh, I assumed that much as well."

"I'll need your men tailing Mr. Aida. I'll have one of my men stop by later this week to give you a portfolio with pictures. Your men don't have to report to me. Shinji and Asuka are being redeployed anyway. I just want a list of places he goes, pictures of people he meets, standard information gathering. I'll have someone pick up reports at the end of every day."

"You government people are real keen on your intelligence gathering, aren't you? Consider it done."

Asuka hadn't said much, and she didn't need to. Rei knew what was going through her mind. She knew of Asuka's conflicting feelings toward war. Despite her revelations on the nature of Eva, she still clung to piloting like a life line.

"You never drink." Asuka said and ate some sushi.

"That's right." Rei sipped her soda.

"You're going to make me beg, aren't you? The second part of that question is 'why?'"

Rei shrugged. "It alters my state of mind. You know that."

"A little altering could do you some good."

"The same could be said of you."

Asuka laughed and knocked back another shot of sake.

"So what have you been up to lately?" Asuka asked.

"Work. Is there ever anything else?"

"I dunno. What about guys. You could be out looking for a date or something. I don't know what you do on your spare time. You're always quiet about that."

"And what makes you think that I'll be open about it now?" Rei sniffed. She found it slightly distasteful when Asuka pried into her life. "I don't need a relationship to define my existence."

"Neither do I. But it's nice to have sometimes."

"If you call what you have with Shinji a relationship."

"Oh get off it, will you?" Asuka snorted. "You don't know anything about our relationship."

"I know that Shinji was disturbed, disconcerted and troubled earlier, and you did nothing."

"There's my point." Asuka sat back and waved her hands. "You don't know anything. Shinji needs his alone time. I could've tried talking to him about it, but he clams up, all the time. He deals with shit his own way, just like I do with my shit. All he would've done is mope around."

"Maybe all he wanted was some company."

"Maybe you should shut up."

"Aren't you worried about him?"

"Of course I'm worried about him!" Asuka leaned across the table. "I'm always worried about him. Always." Her voice was reduced to a whisper. "Shinji likes the distance thing. He likes to think that what we have doesn't mean much. Frankly, I kind of like that way too. There's no demands. No expectations. We're just there."

"Doesn't sound like much to me." Rei sighed.

"We enable each other. And that's fine. I don't give a shit." Asuka knocked back one shot, then another. "Better than living alone. And better with him than with someone who'll either berate me because of my habits, or take advantage of my habits. Just because we fuck doesn't mean there's an emotional attachment or a romantic inclination. It just is. Get it? We need to get our rocks off, both of us, and we're exclusive because it's safer that way. Not because we're an item."

"So he means nothing to you?"

"Twist my words why don't you." Asuka snarled and knocked back two more shots. "Did I say that? No. Of course I care about him. Fuck."

Rei finished her sushi and took a long pull from her soda. She noticed Asuka seemed to just stare at the sake bottle. Light brown, almost the color of amber. How much farther would Asuka push it? She knocked back another shot.

"I can't wait to get back on the field." Asuka seemed to say to herself more than Rei. "Kick some ass. Fuck up that mother fucking cocksucker Qiang."

She bottom-upped the bottle and tanked the remains of the sake. She snarfed the last of her sushi and held up her finger.

"Kitao! One more bottle for the road and the check!" She called out before turning back to Rei. "Let's go for a walk."

"A walk?" Rei felt trouble brewing in her gut.

"Yes. A walk. I feel like getting some fucking exercise. I need to limber up for the up and coming rematch between me and whoever it was piloting that mother fucking MPE at Osaka."

"Where do you want to walk?"

"Somewhere, anywhere. Let's just fucking walk. Walk with me."

Kitao Asano personally brought the second bottle of sake and the check, at which Asuka flipped several bills out onto the table.

"Should be enough." She grabbed the bottle, pulled off the top and took a swig. "Let's go."

Asuka looked blasted, but she could still walk as if she were sober, which was amazing to Rei. But then again, she reminded herself that Asuka and Shinji had lots of practice in worse states.

"Large bottles of water, please." Rei said in a low voice to Kitao.

"Yeah, two steps ahead of you." Kitao waved and one of his men brought over two very large bottles of water in a bag. "You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think you actually cared about her."

"Good thing you know better." Rei sniggered.

"It sends a shiver up my spine saying this, but I worry less when you're looking out for her."

"Have a good evening." Rei put her beret on and jogged to catch up to Asuka.

-------

Toji didn't expect Nozomi to change her life for him. He didn't expect her father or her to make any adjustments to their schedules. He didn't expect them to treat him any differently. He didn't expect them to break routine. But all the same, he wished that Nozomi hadn't brought Keiko over for supper. He remembered her from the funeral. He remembered her condolences, the look of pity in her eyes. Pity. He hated pity.

"This is delicious!" Keiko exclaimed from across the dinner table.

"Isn't it good?"

Nozomi and Keiko were acting so much like girls…which was to be expected, he supposed. He just wasn't used to seeing Nozomi that way. It reminded him of Hikari, the way she and Asuka used to chatter endlessly about clothes, TV shows, and…inanities in general. Whatever they talked about, they were always so enthusiastic. This hot bun was absolutely delicious! Wasn't last night's episode so cool?! Oh, that looks so good on you!

"This was one of Hikari's favorite recip…" Nozomi stopped.

Toji saw her glance over at him, concern evident in her eyes. And that was the exact shit that he couldn't stand. Everyone walking around him on their tippy-toes. Like at the very mention of her name he would burst into tears. Didn't they get it? Didn't they realize that talking about Hikari was, true, like getting stabbed. But when they skirted around the issue, it was like getting stabbed and have the blade twisted.

There was a snap. Fuck. He broke his ohashi.

"Sorry." Nozomi said in a small voice.

"No, it's nothing." Toji lied and smiled. "It's nothing, really."

"Yeah." Nozomi turned back.

"So have you found a job in the city yet?" Hiroshi Horaki said from the head of the table.

Ever since he first met Hiroshi years ago, Toji had nothing but the utmost respect for the stern man. He admired his stoicism. Hikari's mother apparently died when the girls were young. Breast cancer. Hiroshi had worked hours of overtime to keep the payments up on the house that they had, and still managed to raise three fine young women.

"No, not yet." Keiko pulled a wry smile. "The commercial field is really competitive. I mean, tooth and nail, right?"

"It usually is. Have you considered taking a government job?" Hiroshi helped himself to more chicken.

"I have." Keiko's mild distaste was evident. "I don't know though. I've always been pushed to go for something in the business field."

"That's where the money's at." Nozomi smiled. "More chicken? Radish? Rice?" She offered Keiko.

"Oh, please!" Keiko bowed courteously. "So, what do you have there, Ryoko?"

Toji looked and saw Ryoko smile, hugging her purple plushy dolphin to herself.

"Her name is Miki."

"Miki? That's a pretty name." Keiko accepted her food with another bow. "Is Miki a fish?"

"No." Ryoko shook her head, a serious look on her face all of a sudden. "She's a dolphin. Dolphins and fishies are different. Dolphins breathe air. Fishies breathe water."

"Oh! You're right! I had forgotten." Keiko laughed. "You're so smart!"

Ryoko giggled and held her plushy toy out over the table.

"Would you like to hold her?"

"That's enough, Ryoko. You shouldn't have toys at the table." Toji reached for the dolphin but Ryoko snatched it back to herself, pouting.

"She's not a toy! She's a dolphin!"

"Ryoko Hozue Suzuhara, take Miki back upstairs this instant and finish your supper." Toji spoke in a low voice.

"No, Miki can stay! Right Aunt Nozomi? Right Miss Matsunaga?" Ryoko looked pleadingly at the two.

Toji caught an apologetic look from Nozomi. He looked at Hiroshi, hoping for some direction on what to do. Hikari's father just continued to eat, his eyes on his food. Goddamnit. Goddamnit.

"Put her down and finish your supper." Toji said softly.

Ryoko humphed and began to eat whilst brooding. The rest of the table had gone silent as well.

Toji could feel himself burning up. Ryoko had always been strong willed. She had black hair, like him. And his personality. She was cheeky. She was feisty. She had attitude. She was a fighter. And he could feel them looking at him. Their silence was them treading lightly. Not wanting to anger him, not wanting to step on his feelings, not wanting to set him off. There was a snap. He had broken another pair of ohashi.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. "Please excuse me, I don't feel very well. I'm going for a walk."

-------

Shinji saw Kensuke enter the restaurant and look around, searching and obviously not seeing him. So he stuck up his hand and waved Kensuke over.

Nori's was restaurant that looked at though the architects took inspiration from modern art. Everything seemed to be based on some shape. Boxes, spheres, pyramids. The colors, the shapes, the people. It was all very busy. Almost too busy. But it was a good thing. Nobody looked twice at Shinji. Nobody really cared. They were all too self-absorbed.

"Hey Shin-man." Kensuke took a seat.

"Hey."

Shinji found that although Kensuke was finally there, he didn't know what to talk about. Asuka had gone off with Rei, leaving him to find his own way. His gut turned at the thought of going back out onto the field. He knew during the briefing that it was inevitable. There was no way around it. They had been attacked, and now they needed to strike back. That's the way everything worked. Revenge begets revenge begets revenge.

He had taken a bus from NERV's base, not quite sure where he was going. He sat by a window and watched people go by. People were dying in China. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people. A war was going on. He detected a certain level of intensity and nervousness as people boarded the bus. People laughed nervously, their eyes darted back and forth, they rubbed their hands together, palms sweaty. They would look at him and relax. No. They looked at him and saw his uniform. The great protector.

The problem was that no one cared. As he looked out his window, no one on the street seemed alarmed. It could've been any other day of the week. People went about their business. The cycle of war continued because no one really had to suffer. There was no sacrifice made by the people. The government was so afraid of looking impotent that they kept assuring the public that they didn't need to worry, that the UN and NERV would take care of everything. And so they went to work, went to the market, cooked supper, and repeated the process day after day.

"I'm being redeployed tomorrow." Shinji said and poured himself and Kensuke a shot of sake.

"No shit?" Kensuke tentatively sipped at his sake.

"Yeah." Shinji tanked his shot and then another.

"Where to?"

"Can't say."

"Can't say or won't say?"

Shinji couldn't help but smile. He knew Kensuke was fishing. He figured that he should be bothered, but found that he couldn't care less.

"Sorry, it's my inquisitive nature." Kensuke continued to sip.

"It's all right."

The waitress arrived and placed a rice pot in the middle of the table. Next to it, she placed a sizzling platter of unagi. Bowls, ohashi. Shinji thanked her and the waitress smiled at him. He saw her glance over her shoulder at him. Obvious. He supposed that he should probably feel half a rod, but found that he couldn't care less.

"Pretty posh." Kensuke marveled.

"My treat." Shinji said and served himself some rice. "The unagi is excellent."

"Kind of a change from the place we went to yesterday." Kensuke laughed.

"Yeah."Shinji ate, though he was not hungry.

He watched Kensuke fidget. Watched his old friend grow uncomfortable.

"So where do you work?" Shinji asked, and watched Kensuke's look of surprise.

"Uh, the Tokyo Eye."

"Oh, right, right." Kensuke had mentioned it the night before.

"I had nothing to do with the article that came out this morning." Kensuke spoke quickly.

It was Shinji's turn to be surprised. Oh yeah. He had completely forgotten about that.

"I know. Doesn't bother me, to be honest."

"Anybody who's worked with a computer could tell the image was photoshopped anyway."

Shinji only shrugged.

"Anybody who knows you wouldn't believe that shit anyway." Kensuke continued.

"You do." Shinji said softly.

"What?"

"You do." Shinji smiled at him. "It's all right. You don't owe me anything, not a kind word. It's, uh, it's been a while. How many years? I've changed. I'm sure you've changed as well."

He heard only silence.

"I'm sorry." Shinji continued, not really feeling anything resembling guilt. But it just felt like the right thing to say. "I'm no good like this. Just the stress before battle talking."

"Are you…" Kensuke licked his lips. "Are you scared?"

Shinji laughed. "I've been doing this for ten years. No, I'm not scared anymore."

"Then what's up? You're not like you were last night."

"Mm." He nodded to himself. "I'm sorry I pulled you away from work. I guess I was just feeling nostalgic. With you and Toji back in town. I thought maybe…maybe I could remember how things used to be. My memory isn't what it used to be."

Shinji knocked back a few more glasses of sake. He felt a pang in his shoulder. He winced, pulled out his Vicodin and popped a tab.

-------

March 2017

The night was cold and it bit at her face. Odd for the summer, but perfect weather. It reminded her of winters in Germany. But all the same, she drew her zip-up hooded sweater closer to herself.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Hikari walked slowly, taking careful steps.

A way back Hikari had tripped on the train tracks. Asuka had been balancing herself on one of the rails, one foot in front of the other when she heard her let out a cry. Hikari had been certain that she had scraped her knee, but lacking a flashlight, neither could see, so she told Hikari to suck it up and to keep going.

"These tracks are abandoned." Asuka sighed and kicked a rock. "The trains that ran along these tracks went out of commission a while ago."

"That's not what I meant." Hikari had a quaver in her voice. "I mean, what if there are people out here? Dangerous people."

"Like drug addicts?" Asuka snorted.

"Easy for you to take this so lightly." Hikari snapped. "You look like a hoodlum. I'm out here in my uniform…ohmigod, what's that?!" She let out a squeak and Asuka felt her grab a hold of her arm.

Asuka winced as she felt Hikari's hold tighten.

"Asuka, is that you?" A voice called out from the darkness ahead. Shinji. Hikari had freaked out over the idiots.

"Yeah!" Asuka called out. "See, it's just Shinji."

"You guys are insane, coming all the way out here." Hikari huffed and relinquished Asuka's arm. Sour puss.

"Oh lighten up, I didn't force you to come along." Asuka sniped.

"Yes. Yes you did."

She didn't have to see Hikari to know exactly what she looked like. Arms crossed in front of her chest, nose in the air. Hikari was right…Asuka had dragged her along, hoping to get her friend to partake in the copious amounts of ganja she and Shinji had bought.

Shinji and Kensuke seemed to materialize right beside them. Asuka nearly had a heart attack.

"You frickin' idiot." Asuka slapped his arm.

"Ow! That's still healing! Damn." Shinji protested and rubbed his shoulder. "You two all right? We were starting to worry."

"We're fine." Asuka huffed. "I needed to drag Hikari away from her study group."

"Asuka…" Shinji sighed.

The walk to the lighthouse was carried on in relative silence. The only noises were their shoes against rocks and gravel. The moon was mostly obscured by thick clouds. It eerily peeked out from behind its cover like a peeping tom from behind a window curtain. Asuka shivered. Gave her the willies.

Earlier in the day she and Shinji had attended synchronization tests. Her scores had been down. Again. She couldn't understand why. It made her ass burn just thinking about it. She recalled the battle against the MPEs. She recalled feeling her mother, sensing her mother, knowing she was there with her. And for a little while after, it was good. But the feeling eventually faded.

Asuka could no longer sense her mother. She could no longer feel her presence. She had gotten into the entry plug and felt cold. The plug suit was little better than a second skin, and it felt as though she had been sitting bare-assed on a folding metal chair that had been left on the sidewalk overnight.

She reared back and kicked a rock off into the darkness. Click, clack, click. The sounds echoed.

"Asuka, are you all right?" She felt Shinji's hand lightly take a hold of hers.

"Fine." Asuka pulled her hand away, hoping that the other two hadn't seen the exchange.

It was a few minutes longer walking along the train tracks before she could smell the bay, hear the soft sounds of waves, feel the prickle of sea salt on their skin. And then there was the abandoned lighthouse. The moon reflecting off the broken glass panes at the top.

"What is this place?" Hikari asked as Asuka yanked open the door.

"What does it look like?" Asuka held out her hand expectantly. "Shinji."

A flashlight was placed in her hand and she flicked it on. The interior of the lighthouse was barren. It looked like a condemned single bedroom apartment. There was an empty and rusted bed frame. A small kitchen. A small bathroom with a shower and a toilet. The only sink was in the kitchen. There was no running water.

"Careful. There are rats." Asuka pulled her hoodie up and smiled as she heard Hikari squeak.

"Ah, Hikari…" Without looking she could tell that Hikari was clinging to Shinji. "It's all right. There's hardly any rats here."

"But they're here? I mean, you've seen them, right? I mean, even if there's not a lot, there's still some?" Hikari babbled.

"It's all right. Asuka and I have been here a few times before, there's nothing dangerous here. Hardly any rats at all." She heard Shinji pause. "And if you see any, chances are they're more scared of you than you are of them."

Asuka suppressed a giggle as Hikari squealed.

"This is so awesome." Kensuke spoke with awe.

There was a click and a whirring sound. That fucking camcorder again, Jesus Christ.

"You better not have that thing running when we get up to the top, stooge." Asuka growled out.

"You think there are any ghosts in here?" Kensuke asked.

"There will be shortly if you keep that goddamn camera on. What we're doing isn't very legal and I don't want any evidence accrued against me."

"What?! What we're doing is illegal?!" Hikari's voice boomed through the rooms.

"No!" Asuka could feel a migraine coming on. "Not this. I mean…I'll show you when we get up there."

-------

Asuka tried to balance herself on the rail road tracks, arms straight out from her sides, one foot in front of the other. And then she fell off. She almost spilled her sake. Damn.

"I used to be able to do this." She muttered.

"You're drunk." Rei said.

"Thank you. Yes, Wonder Girl. I am drunk. Thank you, that's nice." Asuka reared back and kicked a stone off into the darkness. "Fuck."

When Asuka decided that she wanted to go for a walk, she didn't know exactly where she wanted to go. She had already been toasted, so she couldn't very well think straight. At least she was sober enough to know that she was mostly inebriated. So she decided that she would just let her feet take her someplace. Cruise control, set. But even then, she somehow knew where she'd end up.

"Is something bothering you?" She felt Rei place a hand on her shoulder.

"Yes, something is bothering me." Asuka took a pull from her bottle. It tasted bitter. All night the sake had tasted bitter, but she drank anyway. "I'm hungry. Do you have any food?"

"No."

They continued their walk in silence, two officers of NERV, following the path of a broken down, derelict train track. Asuka took another pull of her sake. If she were to guess from the weight of the bottle, she had about a third of the bottle left. Shit. She half wished for some moonlight so she could see if her judgment was right.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rei broke the silence.

"If I wanted to talk about it, don't you think I would've said something by now?" Asuka snapped.

"Sometimes you need a little encouragement."

"Funny. It feels an awful lot like harassment."

They continued their walk.

"Perhaps we should go back." Rei suggested.

"Perhaps you should shut up."

Goddamn. What was with her? She just wanted some company, not her fucking mother hanging over her shoulder. If she wanted someone to nag her every step of the way, she would've asked Takeda out for a drink, that meddling little shit head. Though…if she could feel her mother again…just a hint of her presence…

The lighthouse came into view. Asuka tried to remember how long it had been since she had last been to the lighthouse. A while. That was the most definitive answer her alcohol retarded mind could come up with.

It stood, same as ever. Tall, dark. The waves coming in sounded stronger than she was used to hearing. But then again, the winds were pretty strong. Fall was coming. Asuka got that funny tasting saliva in her mouth and spat. If she drank anymore, she would probably throw up. She took another pull from her bottle.

As she got closer, she could see the lighthouse had broken down a bit. A few large bricks missing from the outside. There was no glass at the top of the structure, at all. The front door had fallen off. She thought she could see its shadow off in the grass someplace.

She found herself standing on the far side of the tracks, looking over at the lighthouse. It towered over her. She stared at the top, and wondered what it might've looked like when it was still in use. What would it have looked like from, say, a barge coming into the bay on a stormy night? A crew working on the decks, trying to keep the cargo strapped down as gale force winds threatened to break the holding lines. Rain coming in sideways, stinging their faces like thousands of needles. The storm seemed as though it had been pounding for hours. Gigantic waves slamming the side of the vessel, rocking everything back and forth, sea water sloshing up onto the decks. Life lines secured so no one would slide off the deck and plummet into the dark water below. And the captain on the bridge, one eye watching his men work and one eye searching the darkness which threatened to swallow them whole. And then…there it was…the light house. They were approaching the bay. Everything was going to be okay.

No. Everything wasn't going to be okay. Someone was dead.

Asuka reared back and flung her bottle across the train tracks. She felt her shoulder pop and her balance give. She heard the bottle land just on the other side of the tracks. She heard it break, glass shattering all over the gravel and rocks.

She was on her hands and knees. She had a hard time breathing. She knew she was staring at the ground, but she couldn't see anything. Her vision was blurry.

_Asuka wished the alarms would just stop. They were in NERV base for fuck's sake. Yes, they knew that they were under attack. She had heard the sirens. That's what had woken her up from her sleep in the first place._

_One of her arms was wrapped around Rei's shoulders, using her as a crutch so that she could get to the lockers at a speed faster than crawling. One of Rei's men was helping Shinji in the same way. Fuck. She couldn't see a damn thing. Blurbs moved in her field of vision. She had hoped that by the time they had reached base, the high would've worn off. Goddamn, how much had they shot up the night before? Either they were one step away from an O.D. or that was some real powerful shit, which also meant that they were one step away from an O.D._

_"What the fuck is wrong with them?" That meddling cocksucker, Captain Takeda._

_"Nothing." Rei growled out._

_"No, not nothing. Can they even fucking stand?"_

_"Get the fuck out of my way, Captain." Rei snarled. Go Wonder Girl. Asuka almost smiled._

_Whoa. What happened? All of a sudden everything was white._

_"Where am I?" She asked, hoping that there was someone there to give her an answer._

_"In the locker room showers. I have to report to the Commander. Take a shower and sober up. Then report to the briefing room. Date is waiting outside to assist you." Rei's voice faded as she walked away._

_Date was the only woman on Rei's team. Feisty girl, kinda pretty, but Asuka suspected that she was a dyke. What the fuck? Head in the game, Asuka. Head in the game. NERV is under attack and you need to suit up._

_Asuka hit the shower. Fuck! Cold! She tried to back out, but felt her footing give…everything went black._

Asuka threw up. It tasted rancid and sour. It stung the back of her throat. It burned her nostrils. She heaved and a second wave came up. And then a third wave.

As she fought to catch her breath, she realized that Rei was holding her hair back. She felt a sob escape her. It made her stomach hurt. Tears forced their way up.

Everything wasn't going to be okay. Someone was dead.

Asuka grabbed Rei and pulled her tight. She needed something, anything. The smoke and destruction invaded her mind. It smelled like burning tires. It felt so cold in the entry plug. Where had her mother gone? Why wasn't she there? The giant, black gravestone towered over her, accusing her. You did it. You did it. You did it!

"No!" Asuka screamed. "I'm sorry!"

She clutched at Rei and felt her arms wrap around her and hold tight. Make it go away! Make it go away!

"I'm sorry!" Asuka sobbed. "I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Shh." Rei's whisper reached her ears.

"I didn't mean to kill you." Asuka wept. "I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry, Hikari. I'm so sorry."

"I know." Rei said softly.

-------

March 2017

Shinji pulled himself up to the top of the lighthouse. He had mixed feelings about the whole evening. Before that night, it had been only him, Asuka, and Toji who had hung out at the lighthouse. It had actually been an interesting ordeal the first time.

It had been a few months prior. A cold day. Shinji had gone with Toji to get him fitted with some artificial limbs. They weren't much. Just stiff replacements. Asuka had gone with him because she had nothing else better to do, and she said that she wanted to get out of the apartment.

Once newly fitted, Toji wanted to get a feel for his new artificial limbs. So he was going out walking. Asuka had complained, bitched, and everything in between. Toji had said, fine, then he would go by himself. Of course Shinji wasn't going to let him go out walking by himself. He hadn't even had any training with it. Asuka bitterly tagged along.

They walked out of base and cruised along the outskirts of the town. They passed by a shady looking bar called the Red Raccoon. Thugs had stood outside of the establishment, staring them down.

Shinji and Asuka followed Toji out onto a trail about half a mile away from the bar. That's where they had found the train tracks.

Shinji thought that Toji carried himself well, considering that he had just got the limbs that very morning. The afternoon sun played across them. Toji walked a few paces ahead, and he and Asuka followed silently behind. He could sense Toji's resentment. Of course Shinji understood. He wouldn't want to feel as though he were being babysat either, but all the same he wasn't going to let Toji just fend for himself.

Then they came upon the lighthouse. The three of them had stood at the base, just looking up at it. Then Toji clumped his way inside. He insisted that they go to the top. And he insisted that he do it without any help at all.

At the moment, they were sharing the spot with two unfamiliars. It had been Asuka's idea. Her half-baked plan to get something together for the group. He did feel guilty keeping the spot from Kensuke and Hikari, but he kinda liked the idea of the place belonging only to him and Asuka. And Toji. It felt more exclusive that way, more private.

Shinji flopped down onto the walkway and enjoyed the view. The ocean rolled along. Small waves, lapping up against the cliff side. He inhaled the salty air and smiled. Peaceful.

"Break it out, Shinji." Asuka commanded.

Shinji sighed and reached into his backpack. He pulled out rolling papers and a zip lock bag full of MJ.

"What. Is. That." Hikari's voice sounded several tones too tense.

"It's called Chinese Chocolate." Asuka spoke as though she were addressing a fifth grader.

"Is that weed?!" Hikari had become shrill.

"Give her a prize."

Shinji knew it was coming. He trusted Asuka to make it right.

"Asuka! Shinji! What are you doing with…with…that?! Do you know how bad that is?!"

"Not as bad as you think." Asuka sighed. "I don't want to have to go into the scientifics of how this is better than drinking or smoking, both of which are legal, I might add. So take my word for it."

"But…but…"

"No buts. If you don't want any, then sit there quietly. I'm in no mood to hear a lecture."

Shinji felt sorry for Hikari. Asuka was being particularly bitchy. What's her problem?

He put it to the back of his mind and rolled a couple of joints.

"You want one?" He asked Kensuke.

"I'll…uh…I'll try anything once."

He could see Kensuke smile nervously.

When he was done, they all lit up, with the exception of Hikari who just sat in silence. Shinji wanted to say something to her, to try to make her feel better, but couldn't think of anything. Where was Toji? He was supposed to have met them there already.

"Damnit, this keeps going out on me." Kensuke swore.

"One, you need to rotate it, dumbass." Asuka snorted and laughed. "Two, it has a tendency to go out."

"Well excuse me. This is my first time."

Shinji laughed. Oh man. He could feel it kicking in. And he knew that Asuka was feeling it as well. He watched her stand up and spread her arms, joint held firmly between her lips, the bright red cherry a firecracker against the dark backdrop.

"I love this place." Asuka pulled the joint from her mouth.

Shinji inhaled and held it. He heard Kensuke break out into a fit of hacking and coughing. And Shinji joined in. It wasn't his fault! He started laughing while trying to hold it in and it caught in his throat! Damnit!

"This fucking sucks." Kensuke spat as he caught his breath.

"Virgin lungs!" Asuka declared and laughed. Shinji couldn't help himself and he joined in.

"Ha ha, fucking hilarious guys."

"Aw, c'mon man." Shinji slapped his friend's back. "Everybody sucks their first time."

"You didn't!" Asuka plopped down next to him. "You were great…your…first…time." She whispered in his ear.

He felt himself go red in the face and hoped that the other two didn't catch the double entendre. He felt her breath against his ear, heard her giggle and he felt himself go a full rod. He cupped himself with one hand and took another drag from his joint. He felt Asuka lean up against him, still giggling. He looked down into her sharp blue eyes. Even in the dark, they seemed to reflect light. She was so beautiful. She exhaled smoke into his face and giggled. He wanted to kiss her.

"Holy shit. How much do you have here?"

Shinji looked over and saw Kensuke rifling through the backpack.

"I'm no drug dealer…but this is like…how did you afford…"

"Put that back you cock-munch." All trace of menace was gone from Asuka's voice. "Cock-munch." Asuka repeated and started laughing.

"You know, you guys are becoming really obnoxious." Hikari stood up. "I'm going home."

"Yo guys, I'm here…" Toji pulled himself up and froze. "Hikari."

"Toji."

The two stared at each other. Awkward moment. Shinji giggled and looked down at Asuka who made an exaggerated 'sh' motion with her finger.

"Uh…" Toji finally said. "What are you doing here?"

-------

"So, uh," Kensuke began, looking incredibly uncomfortable, "I don't know what to say, man."

"You don't have to say anything." Shinji lit a cigarette. He supposed that he should feel guilty for making his friend uncomfortable, but found that he could care less. What was wrong with him? Goddamnit.

The rice and the unagi was gone. There was half a bottle of sake left. Shinji wanted to finish it, but saw that Kensuke had no more than two shots. It made him feel like a drunk.

"Well, I mean, hey, between old friends…" Kensuke scratched his neck. "Really, you can be honest with me, you and Asuka, you fucking her?"

Shinji burst out laughing.

"What kind of question is that?" He asked.

"I dunno." Kensuke smiled. "But I got a laugh out of you."

"Son of a bitch." Shinji laughed to himself. "It's really not what you think."

"So you are fucking her?"

Shinji felt a familiar burning sensation creeping up his cheek. Shit, even now he couldn't face it. He just shrugged.

"Oh God." Kensuke started laughing again. "I knew you two…man, that's great. I'm happy for you."

"Are you?" Shinji smiled, but felt the joy passing. Ah, fuck it. He was finishing the sake. "I just said that it's not what it seems."

"Yeah." Kensuke nodded. "You two always had some kinda fucked up relationship. No offense."

"None taken." Shinji shrugged it off and knocked back a shot of sake.

"So what, how long now?"

"I…uh…eight, maybe nine years."

"You two were going at it in high school?" Kensuke leaned forward, practically bug-eyed. "Holy shit, how'd you pull that off without anyone knowing?"

"By being very discreet."

"Why keep it from us?"

Shinji didn't have a real answer. At the time that the relationship had started, it had been because they didn't want to be separated. But after that?

"I, uh, I don't know." Shinji knocked back another shot of sake.

"I suppose you had your reasons." Kensuke looked away and seemed to take in the restaurant. "This place really is nice."

Shinji thought about Asuka. He wondered where she was at that moment. How she was doing. And he wondered what the fuck he was doing with Kensuke. The entire thing was a mistake. But then again…it was what he did. He clung to the past like it was a life line. Every time he had sex with Asuka, he hoped that he'd feel the same thing that he felt all those years ago, that throbbing in his heart every time she was near. Instead, it was the same empty release it had been since the war started. It was just sex.

He didn't even know if she felt the same way. Even when the relationship started, when she said 'I love you,' it was an empty phrase. Did she actually feel anything at all? But…but at least back then, he could pretend. He could imagine that she felt the same way about him.

Fuck it.

"Hey, Kensuke." Shinji finished the sake and doused his cigarette. "You want to go visit Toji?"

"What?" Kensuke checked his watch. "It's like, eight thirty."

"Yeah, I know. Let's go. Get the old crew back together. He's staying at Hikari's old place."

-------

March 2017

Toji walked slowly. He needed to in order to keep his footing. The gravel didn't agree with his prosthetic limbs, which Toji equated to having a mannequin's arm and leg.

"You didn't need to walk me home." Hikari finally said.

"I know." Toji smiled at her, but saw that she wasn't looking at him.

"You could've stayed with them."

"I know."

He couldn't believe that Asuka had invited Hikari to the lighthouse. Kensuke, fine, okay, but Hikari? And he felt like clocking Shinji for even going along with it. Goddamnit.

"I can't believe you do…THAT with them!" And there it was.

"Hikari…"

"Do you know how bad that stuff is for you? Not mention how illegal that is?" Hikari's eyes spat fire. He actually feared for his safety.

"It's not bad for you!" He protested. "I mean, smoking and drinking…"

"Yeah, that's what Asuka said. But guess what, we're not supposed to be doing those either! And I wouldn't! And I would've thought that you'd have the sense not to do it either!"

Toji let the silence fall. He had given up. Game over. There was no way to win the conversation. He just hoped that she didn't think him so low as to…he bit his lip.

"And what about drug testing?" Hikari exploded again.

Ouch. That really did hurt. Toji felt it in his limbs. The doctors called it phantom pain. Something about nerves thinking that the limbs were still there and…some other technical shit, he wasn't really paying attention.

"I'm sorry." Hikari all of a sudden sounded small. "I didn't mean to…" She trailed off.

"No, it's nothing." Toji rubbed his prosthetic arm. There was still pain. Shit.

There was more silence broken only by crunching gravel.

"But why?" Hikari's voice lost the edge and she pleaded. "Why? You don't need that stuff. You don't."

"Yes, I do." Toji said evenly.

"No. Why? Why do you need it?"

"Ah." Toji waved it off. "You don't want to know."

"I do."

They had stopped walking. Toji felt his mouth dry up. He knew she expected an answer, and he wanted to give her one, but…he felt so weak.

"I have problems." He copped out. "A lot of problems you wouldn't understand…"

"Please." Hikari pressed.

"Why?"

"Because I care." Even in the darkness he could see her blush. He wondered if she could see his as well.

But how could he tell her? How could he tell her that he was always hurting? How could he tell her about the phantom pain? How could he tell her that it woke him up at night? And the shame he felt at not being able to operate the way every normal person does. The way that he missed having his arm and his leg. How depressed that made him. That he even entertained thoughts of suicide. How could he…

He felt her lips against his. Tasted her tongue. Felt her arms wrap around him. Felt her body press up against his. And the pain…was gone. He didn't know how long the embrace lasted. It was both an eternity and a second of bliss.

"Whoo!"

He broke the kiss and squinted into…light? A fucking flashlight? What mother fucker…

"Go Hikari!" Asuka, Shinji and Kensuke neared. Goddamnit. Goddamn those…and yet, he couldn't help but smile.

"I can't say I approve of your taste in boys…but…" Asuka smirked. "I'm glad you finally did something about it. You were seriously bringing me down."

"Asuka!" Hikari was so red.

Toji laughed and kissed her again.

-------

It was unusually chilly. His breath came out in small clouds. He stopped to catch his breath as he rounded the corner of the block, back onto the street on which the Horaki Household was located. A bus passed by with a growl, belching exhaust fumes at him. He wrapped his trench coat tighter around himself. He didn't know how long he had been out. Damn. Nozomi was probably tucking the kids into bed for him. Was Keiko still there?

The shame killed him. He was letting it all get to him. Screwing with his head. Goddamnit, goddamnit. He told himself that he shouldn't feel guilty about getting up and leaving the table. He was getting testy at supper and he needed to clear his head. The last thing he wanted to do was to snap at them. Shit. He could hear his old anger management counselor talking to him.

"Feeling angry is okay. Anger is natural. No one can never be angry. That simply isn't healthy. Anger is frustration, irritation, stress. There are those, of course, who would say that anger can be controlled and that it's all a matter of how you perceive a particular situation. Ideally, that's true." The soft spoken, older man had paused to smile. "But we both know that the endeavor to accomplish that is entirely absurd. There's nothing wrong with getting angry. It's what you do with that anger. Snapping at people that don't deserve it. Hitting, fighting. Yelling. Anger, if you've noticed, is cyclical. When you find yourself getting angry with people, excuse yourself from the situation. Isolate yourself, try deep breathing."

That's exactly what he had done. But then why did he feel like a coward?

-------

The word 'tired' couldn't even begin to describe how Eito felt. He stared out of the passenger side window watching the trees pass by. There were no lights on the mountain road. No lights save the stars and the moon. Yet, as tired as he was, he couldn't close his eyes for more than a few moments before feeling the need to open them again.

He sighed and rolled down the window and took a breath of the forest air. Thick. Humid. Earthy.

"Roll the window up. You're letting in a draft." Moriya grunted from the driver's seat.

Eito looked over at his partner, exasperated. The older man's stubble seemed thicker and darker with the moonlight playing on his face. His eyes seemed even more sunken in.

Moriya never looked away from the road.

Eito rolled the window up, wishing that he was at home.

"You know," Eito began, "It wasn't even our call to pick up."

"I know." Moriya grunted.

"Yet you had to pick up the fucking phone."

"What are you complaining about? You're young. I thought your stomach was supposed to be full of fire."

"My stomach should be full of supper. Instead we're on our way out to the mother fucking boonies picking up a stone cold whodunit. That shit looks good on my record too, by the way. Every young detective dreams of picking up unsolved cases. You know, when I reach your age, I plan on running homicide."

"Start small, puppy." When Moriya chuckled, it sounded like a dog growling. "Start small."

Eito turned his eyes back to the road. As they rounded a bend, he could see the crime scene far ahead. The only man made lights they had seen for miles. A coroner's van. A crime scene van. Three marked cruisers.

They pulled up behind a cruiser and stepped out. A uniformed officer approached them. Eito pulled out his badge and saw that Moriya already his displayed on the breast pocket of his brown blazer.

"Detective Moriya Ito. This is my partner, Detective Eito Nishimura. We're from homicide."

"Oh. Okay. Uh…" The officer looked around, a stupid 'what now?' expression on his face. "Well, uh, right this way."

As Eito followed the below par police officer and his senior partner into the thick of the forest, he could feel the damp soil giving and getting all over his shoes. Fucking hell. The officer led the way through the dark forest with a kel-light.

"How much farther?" Eito asked, feeling just a tad irritable. If the officer told them that they were lost, he was really going to be pissed.

"Shouldn't be much longer." The officer answered with a slight quake to his voice.

Then Eito saw it. The way he saw the cars parked curbside. The scene cordoned off. Yellow tape wrapped around trees, haphazardly. The hum of a generator and a series of flood lights. Everything illuminated. Everything in shadow.

"Oshiro!" The officer leading the way called out. "Homicide is here." The officer quickly retreated back towards the cars.

"Smoke 'em if you got 'em, gentlemen." A plainclothes officer approached them. Younger man. Older than Eito but younger than Moriya. "This one's a stinker."

"Pretty far out, aren't we?" Eito ducked under the yellow tape.

"Yes we are. Oshiro. Crime scene." The plainclothesman introduced himself without bowing.

"Ito. And this is my partner, Nishimura."

"I don't envy you two. Not one bit." Oshiro led them to a spot between three trees.

The smell started off light, but got worse as they approached the body. Oh good God it was horrid. Oh…Eito was actually thankful that he hadn't eaten yet. His stomach did back flips. He pulled out his handkerchief and covered his mouth.

"Family had gone hiking earlier in the day. On the way back, they took a little detour off the beaten track, trying to get back down to their car faster on account of it being late." Oshiro had opened his notebook and leafed through. "Came upon the body half sticking out of the ground. Top half. Face down."

"Did you move it?" Moriya asked.

"Nope."

Eito looked at the body. Festering raw spots on the arms and the back of the neck. Face down, lying on top of its arms. Hair long, matted, greasy, full of dirt. Fuck me.

"Take a look at this." Oshiro kneeled down and used his pen to part the body's head hair. "Two holes. Entrance wounds, probably. I'd say three-eighty, probably hollow point. Won't know until we find the bullets. And I doubt that we will."

Eito could actually see the small bugs and maggots crawling around the skull cavity.

"Mm." Moriya grunted.

"Shit." Eito could smell the decomp through the handkerchief. "Got any theories for us?"

"Go fuck yourself." Oshiro laughed. "I just gather info. You two are the detectives. That's your job, theories and motivations and the darkness of the human mind, and what the fuck ever."

"How'd it get exposed?" Moriya kneeled down to examine the holes.

"Whoever did this probably did a half-ass job. When this sorry son of a bitch was buried, it was probably in a three foot hole. Maybe less. Remember the rains from a couple weeks ago? Well, mountain side, slight grade, downhill, loose dirt moves, and our buddy gets daylight." Oshiro let out a belch. "That's my guess anyway."

There was a moment of silence.

"You wanna flip the body?" Oshiro asked.

"You get pictures?" Moriya stood up.

"Yep."

"Then let's flip it."

Oshiro gave a whistle and a couple of officers ran up. "Sift through the dirt. Dig up his other half. Then let's flip it over."

"So what do you think, puppy dog?" Moriya asked.

Eito wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Better something than nothing.

"Leftovers from the Asano-Yoneshige War?" He ventured.

"That was two years ago. Decomp isn't that bad. Few months at most." Moriya clicked his teeth. "Besides, this guy isn't Yakuza."

"We haven't even ID'd this asshole yet and you already know that he's not a gangster?" Eito snorted and watched Oshiro and the officers dig up the body's legs.

"Slacks. Polo shirt. Glasses." Moriya indicated a nearby evidence marker situated next to a pair of filthy, broken glasses. "He's not Yakuza."

"Take pictures." Oshiro instructed his photographer. "Flip him."

The body was turned.

The front was even worse than the back. The face was bloated. The bullet exit wounds were torn, black, suppurated. One hole was high on the left cheek. The other towards the center of the forehead. One of the eyes was missing, dirt caked into the socket.

"God." Eito swore.

"Look at that." Moriya pointed. "His hands are bound."

Eito looked, and sure enough, thick, knotted rope bound the body's hands together at the wrists. "In the front."

"Yeah. And see how the front of his slacks aren't torn at all?" Moriya continued.

"He was led out here." Oshiro finished the thought.

"The hole must've been pre-dug." Moriya spoke slowly. "They had him here, in front of the hole. And then put two into the back of his head. Execution style. Body falls in. They cover him up. Heartless mother fuckers."

"And why do we care?" Eito shook the image out of his mind.

"Details, puppy. You're new to this job, so stop pretending that you know everything." Moriya growled. "All the details help. In order to determine what happened and to be a better detective, when you look at a scene, you have to see everything. Re-imagine how it happened. Who was this man? Who wanted him dead? Who tied him up and led him out here? What was he feeling when the two bullets went into his head? Was he expecting it? Or was he on his knees at the edge of the hole? Praying. Pleading. Crying. Begging them to let him go."

_Tabito wept. His legs felt like jelly. The large, mustached man led the way with a flashlight. The smaller, louder man brought up the rear. His wrists burned. He reached up to rub tears from his eyes, but the tears kept flowing. He sobbed. His foot caught on something and he let out a cry. Before he hit the ground, a hand caught him and pulled him upright._

_"Keep going." The smaller man snarled._

_"P-P-Please." Tabito gasped. "If-if-if you a-a-are t-trying t-to m-m-make a p-point, you…"_

_"Shut the fuck up you whiny little bitch." The small one snapped._

_Tabito couldn't suppress his wail. He cringed, expecting another slap. Though none came._

_Through his tears, he saw a light up ahead._

_"Wh-where are we g-going?" He pleaded. "Wh-what are you g-going t-t-to d-d-d-d-…" He squeaked and cried. The tears kept flowing._

_"Keep moving, faggot."_

_"N-n-n-…" He shook his head and felt his knees give._

_"Get up!"_

_Tabito was yanked to his feet and pushed forward. "N-n-no." But he kept walking closer to the light._

_The light came from a lantern. It was set on the ground in a small clearing between three large trees. A dark figure was in a hole. There was the crunching of digging, and dirt was tossed out of the hole._

_"We're here." The smaller one said._

_"I know. I could hear the crying." Oh…oh no. That soft voice._

_The figure in the hole looked up. Those red eyes._

_"N-n-n-n-no!" Tabito's legs gave again and he fell to his knees. "Oh no! Oh no! Oh God! Oh…mama…mama…"_

_"Edge of the hole, Kenji." The dark figure stepped out of the hole and dusted herself off._

_Tabito was yanked to his feet, yet again, and pushed forward until he stood at the edge of his grave._

_"P-P-P-Please…" He managed to sob out. "Please, I d-d-d-don't want t-to d-d-die! Oh mama…help me…oh God…mama…"_

_"This one is a real pussy." The small one spoke. "All I needed to do was slap him around a little bit. We didn't even need to drag his sorry ass."_

_"P-P-P-Please." Tabito couldn't move. He willed his legs to run, but he couldn't move. "I-I-I p-promise I'll r-retract m-m-my st-statements. I-I-I'll shut down m-my b-blog a-and…"_

_There were two gunshots._

_Tabito's glasses leapt off his face and into the darkness. His body collapsed into the hole._

_"Fuck Ayanami…that shit's cold." Kenji whistled. "Didn't give him no prayer, last words or nothin'."_

_"Watanabe. Grab a shovel." The soft voice spoke. "Cov…"_

"That's depressing." Eito rubbed his sinuses, feeling his heart sink. "That'll give me nightmares."

"Most of all," Moriya continued, "It'll get you closer to the victim. When you care about what happened to them, you'll be better as a detective. You need to care. It's the only way to do this job right."

Eito found that he had no response.

"Don't worry, buddy." Moriya said softly. "I'll find the mother fucker that did this to you, and I'll get 'em."

-------

Rei watched Asuka stumble along the train tracks, trying to keep her balance. The night was cooling off. The grass on either side of the train tracks bent in the breeze. She didn't know how far they were from the road, but they were far enough away so that she couldn't see street lights.

Asuka took a pull from her water bottle and spat onto the rocks. She seemed to have composed herself after her breakdown, though she hadn't said a word since.

Rei felt her cell phone vibrate in her pocket. In the darkness it sounded like a cicada's hum. She checked the caller. Kuriki. She ignored the call.

"Who's that?" Asuka asked.

"Nobody. Work."

"You gonna answer?"

"I'm off the clock."

"Never stopped you before." Asuka took a long drink and let out a throaty belch. Utterly charming.

Rei chose not to respond and continued the walk. The earlier incident confirmed what she had suspected all along. Asuka blamed herself for what happened to Horaki…no…Mrs. Suzuhara. Rei wanted to talk to her about it, but Asuka was stubborn that way. If she didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't. And every time in the past that Rei had brought up something that Asuka didn't want to hear, Asuka would just stop talking to her. Drug usage, alcohol, her relationship with Shinji. And it did hurt when Asuka stopped talking to her. So she learned to back off on sensitive topics.

"I can count on one hand, how many friends I have." Asuka blurted.

"Oh?"

"There's Misato, but we never talk anymore. There's Hikari but, fuck, she's dead. There's you." There was a pause. "And I don't even like you."

Rei laughed and saw Asuka smiling.

"Nah, you're all right. Really. I don't know what I would do without you." Asuka admitted. "There's Shinji. But I'm not sure he even counts."

Rei noticed Asuka ticking off on her fingers, muttering names to herself.

"That's four, minus one, equals three." Asuka said softly. "There are only three people I can call friends."

"Some people have no friends."

"I remember back in high school…people adored me." Asuka let out a heavy sigh. "Do you remember? Every guy wanted me. Every girl wanted to hang out with me. I mean, I was popular. I don't have that anymore."

"But none of them were friends." Rei stopped and grabbed Asuka to keep her from falling over. "They didn't know who you were. They knew what you did. They knew what you looked like. If they knew who you were…well, you'd have been as lonely as you are now."

"Fuck you." Asuka laughed.

"I don't want to bring it up, but you don't seem to want to be around others either."

"Because they're all cunts, pricks and assholes." Asuka spat. "Every last one of them. But I liked the attention. Because, if I died, they would've remembered me. They would have carried my name with them for the rest of their lives, told their kids that they went to school with the Great Asuka. Eva pilot."

"You're an Eva pilot now."

"But no one gives a shit anymore." Asuka stopped. She looked a little green and Rei expected another heave. Asuka just burped and waved it off. "No one gives a shit. We've been at war so long no one knows or cares. When we fought Angels, people feared for their lives. They cared about who was protecting them. Now, we're fighting humans. And it's just another war to them. Me? I'm just another soldier. They could replace me with some po' dunk hick from Bumfuck, Anywhere and no one would know the difference. No one would miss me."

"Shinji would."

"Yeah." Asuka seemed to contemplate that, a small smile on her lips. "I have a college degree. Got one when I was thirteen. Did I ever tell you that?"

"Many times."

"Did I ever tell you what my degree was in?"

Rei waited, expecting Asuka to continue. When she heard nothing, she looked over and saw that Asuka actually expected an answer.

"No."

"Liberal fucking Arts." Asuka laughed. "Worthless fucking degree. Goddamn, what a waste of time that was."

"That's nothing to sneeze at. Some people don't get their degrees at all, and you got yours when you were thirteen."

"Piloting is all I've ever known." Asuka didn't seem to hear. "As far back as my memory goes, I've been piloting, training to pilot. I…don't know anything else. I went to school. I went to college. I got a degree. But I have no experience in anything. If I ever became useless as a pilot, I have nothing to fall back on. I'm a bitch, no, I know that. I know that. I am a bitch. I have no people skills, I…I…I've got nothing besides this. Right here. This is who I am. And…I never…I never told anyone this before…I fucking hate this. I hate piloting."

"Bullshit. You love it. And you're the best." Rei could see Asuka's tears reflect in the moonlight, like stars running down her cheeks.

"Fuck that. Shinji's always been better than me. And I don't mind that, not anymore. But…I hate this…I do, I hate piloting." Asuka sobbed. "I hurt people. But I don't know how to do anything else! This is all I am! I have absolutely nothing else!"

"You have Shinji."

Asuka lapsed into silence.

Rei continued to walk, hand on Asuka's shoulder, leading her, keeping her steady, and hopefully comforting her.

"Shinji's never said that he loves me."

"Bullshit." Rei cut her off. Couldn't let her take it any further. "You know he adores you."

"But he's never said it, so I don't know."

"Bullshit, Asuka, bullshit. He has said that he loves you."

"When? Can you tell me one time?"

Rei opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She desperately searched her memories. Every moment he saw Asuka and Shinji together, drunk, high, sober…and she couldn't think of any time where Shinji had said those words to Asuka.

"He loves you." Rei finally said.

"He doesn't even say it when we fuck. The closest I've ever heard is when he cums, he says, oh God, Asuka, I…goddamnit."

"He's said it to me." Rei lied.

"He's said that he loves you?"

"Don't be an asshole."

"Well, why couldn't he have told me himself? I mean…I know he…it's just…it'd be nice to hear it. I mean, it's not normal, right? When you love someone, you tell them, right? I mean, I've said it…I think."

Asuka went silent.

Rei's cell phone went off.

"Damn." She ignored it.

"I'm fucked up, Wonder Girl." Asuka finally said. "Where's Shinji?"

"Probably at home."

"Call him."

"I'm taking you home and you'll see him there."

"Call him."

Rei sighed and checked the miss call. Kuriki again. She passed on it and dialed Shinji's number.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Shinji, where are you?"

"We're going to Toji's place. Well, I guess Hikari's place, or Hikari's father's place…you know what I mean." He sounded drunk.

"Who's we?"

"Me and Ken."

"I see." Shit, that must've been what Kuriki had been calling about. "Are you driving?"

"Well, no. Ken is."

"Have him drop you off at home. Asuka is in a bad way, and I think you need to be there for her."

"Oh…we just got here. I mean, all right, I'll be home."

"Never mind, stay there. I'll come pick you up."

"All right."

"Wait, Shinji, you haven't said anything…never mind, I'll see you in a bit."

-------

Kensuke turned off his car and just waited. On the way to the Horaki residence, Shinji had gotten quiet. Kensuke had tried to start a couple of conversations, but his old friend remained silent.

He had to admit that he was weirded out by supper. Six years. Enough time for someone to change. But Shinji was still his friend, right? It didn't feel that way. He wasn't even sure if Shinji still thought of him as a friend. All through supper, he felt as though he was just a sounding board. A mannequin for Shinji to talk to. When he saw Shinji at the funeral, he could see glimpses of his old friend. At the bar, Shinji had seemed almost manic. And as he sat in his car, Shinji on the passenger side, parked a block from Horaki's house, he could only wonder which Shinji he would be talking to when his friend decided that he wanted to say something. Old, manic or bipolar?

Shinji stared out of the passenger side window, cell phone still in hand.

Kensuke tried to see what he was looking at without making it obvious that he was curious.

"I had a dream last night."

Kensuke gave a start at the sound of Shinji's voice. Fuck.

"After I left the bar, after I got home. I don't know if it was because of the funeral or what. But when I slept, I had a dream. I was a bullet. Chambered in a gun. I don't know who was holding the gun or whom or what the gun was pointed at." Shinji stopped to light a cigarette.

Kensuke waited for him to continue, but he didn't.

"Let's go." Shinji turned and smiled. It was frightening. The eyes were empty and without feeling, the smile looked as though it were made of plaster. "Rei's going to pick me up at Toji's. I want to at least say hi."

-------

Keiko couldn't stop thinking about him. She just felt so awful about the whole thing. When Toji left the dining room table, it felt as though time had stopped. Nobody had moved. It wasn't until he pulled on his coat that she realized that she had been holding her breath.

As the door quietly shut behind him, Nozomi's father, Hiro, had gotten up without excusing himself from the table, and slowly retreated to his room.

"I'm so sorry." Keiko had said softly.

"No, I'm sorry." Nozomi shook her head. "It's not you."

Nozomi had ushered the children up to their bedrooms.

Keiko felt lost. Sitting by herself at the dinner table. Looking upon what was actually a beautiful spread, but with no one there to partake, no one there to talk, to joke, to laugh. She had never lost anyone that mattered. Her father was still alive, still managing her town's grocery store. Her mother was still a house wife. Her brother…away with the JSSDF forces, stationed at an air force base in South Korea, a munitions man, but out of harm's way. And she still e-mailed him, at the very least, once a month. One person gone…and the entire family seemed to be at the edge of falling apart.

"I'm so sorry." Nozomi had said again after she put the children to bed. "It's just, things have been very hard for Toji. He always tries to be the strong one, you know? Hikari always used to tell me, he seems like a gruff dog, but he's such a sweetheart on the inside."

"Really, I understand, you don't have to apologize. I should've known better than to intrude while he's still grieving. A man needs time to himself, doesn't he?" Keiko began to clean her place. "He can't always be strong, he needs time to himself."

"Please, stop. I'll clean up."

"Don't be silly." Keiko put on her best smile. Enough was enough. "I need something to do. I Might as well help. It's the least I can do, anyway."

"Gosh you're stubborn." Nozomi laughed. "Thank you."

It was relatively quick work, gathering up the dishes and cleaning the places at the table. Nozomi had taken the leftovers and sealed them in saran wrap. Lunch for the kids tomorrow.

"So, are…were you older or younger than Hikari?" Keiko ventured.

"I'm the youngest." Nozomi smiled as she did the dishes. "Hikari was the middle child. The responsible one. Dad was always at work, and Kodama was always out with guys."

"Oh right, I think I met Kodama at the…uh, so she graduated already?"

"Yeah, business management degree. She runs a Starbuck's downtown now."

"Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but was that her husband with her?"

"Mm-hm. She married last year. I actually didn't think she'd ever get married, she was really kind of…ah…a player of sorts." Nozomi blushed and laughed.

"What does her husband do?"

"He's a cop. He's really smart, kind of a…well, he can grate on you sometimes."

"Insufferable?" Keiko offered.

"A bit." Nozomi laughed. "Well, apparently he got a criminal justice degree in college and graduated near the top of his class. Then he aced the police academy exam. Now he's made detective and has been moved to Homicide, and he's only 28. Youngest in his division, supposedly, and he likes to let people know it. Thinks…well, he thinks he's hot shit."

Keiko laughed as Nozomi pulled a face, as though she couldn't believe that she just uttered those words.

"I'm home."

Keiko turned and saw Toji in the dining room taking off his jacket.

"Oh." He said and looked surprised. "You're still here?"

"I'm sorry, I was just helping Nozomi clean…"

"No, no. I'm sorry." He turned red and bowed low. "I didn't mean to sound unwelcoming. I was just surprised. I'm just…I didn't think…"

"Stop while you're ahead." Nozomi said in a tone that sounded only half-joking.

"Right." Toji stood up. "Uh, can I offer you a ride home?"

"Oh." Keiko wasn't sure how to respond. "I don't want to…"

"It's no trouble." He turned red again. "I mean, I'm not saying you should…"

There was a knocking at the door. Everyone stopped and seemed to just listen. Knocking.

"Who could that be? It's almost nine thirty." Nozomi quickly went to the door.

"So, uh, would you like a ride?" Toji continued as Nozomi ran past him.

"Thank you very much. That would be great." Keiko bowed, feeling a little flush herself.

"Toji? Some of your friends are here to see you."

"What?"

Keiko followed Toji to the entryway and felt her heart jump.

Kensuke looked apologetic…and he should. She though he was supposed to be working on some…well, something big. Shinji looked a sight. Like he had been drinking all night. Which meant that Kensuke…oh, he was gonna get it.

"Toji." Shinji smiled and bowed slightly, but just slightly. He looked as though if he bowed any lower, he would tip over.

"Shinji." Toji shook his head. "What…are you all right?"

"Perfectly fine." Shinji stepped into the house. "I'm just…I thought I'd say bye. I'm going to war tomorrow. Mainland China."

"Sorry man." Kensuke entered as well and put his thumb to his lips, indicating drinking.

Keiko found herself in a moment of silence. At that moment, she saw stones rise from the floor and erect themselves into walls, separating the three men. She saw the looks in their eyes, the things they didn't want to say. I don't know who you are. And then she thought, perhaps the funeral they had attended was in memory of more than just Toji's wife.

-------

"Stay in the car." Rei said and unbuckled her seatbelt.

"I'm not going anywhere." Asuka murmured from the passenger side.

Rei took the keys from the ignition and looked over Asuka. Her friend curled up against the door, head resting on her hands, eyes closed, brows furrowed. Somewhere along the way she had lost her beret. Her hair noticeably tangled in spots, more of a brown than red colored in the moonlight.

Rei reached over to pat her shoulder, but stopped. She got out of the car.

The burbs were quiet. No sounds but a jingling bell, perhaps on the collar of a cat let out for the night. Up the perfect sidewalk, nary a crack on the concrete. Every home had a car. Every street lamp was lit. Every rain gutter was clear. The sky even had stars.

She found Horaki residence and turned up the walkway. She knocked on the door.

It was Toji who opened the door.

"Hi, Ayanami." Toji smiled, obviously forced. "Shinji said you'd be dropping by."

"Only to pick him up." Rei removed her beret. "I apologize for the state he's in and for the trouble he must be causing you. I should've been watching over him."

"Not a problem." Toji stepped aside, allowing Rei entry.

The home was nice. Old fashioned. Much too homey for her tastes. Kind of bumpkin-ish. Too much wood, too much brown.

She found Shinji at the dining room table with Kensuke, Kensuke's partner and Nozomi Horaki.

"Rei." Kensuke quickly stood up, rubbed his hands on his pants and smiled. "Hey there. How are you? Oh, you're in your uniform. I thought you were off today."

"Recent events called me in on my day off." Rei nodded.

"Oh right! I almost…I mean…"

"I'm ready to go." Shinji stood up slowly, that depressing smile of resignation on his face. "I'm ready to go fight."

"Good."

"See you later, Ken." Shinji bowed slightly and then ambled over to Toji. "I'm so sorry man." He hugged Toji fiercely.

Rei took Shinji gently by the elbow and led him out of the Horaki residence, leaving only silence behind.

-------

"Of course not." Fuyutsuki sighed. "But it's the best that we can do. We've always been fighting the tide. They have eight, we have three. But they're not stupid. We send our two best out there in foreign territory with minimal support and they have to bite. The opportunity is too good to miss."

"Wait, whose opportunity is this? Theirs or ours?" Misato laughed dryly. "If they would just fight to the end, we would've had at least three of 'em."

"As I said, they're not stupid." Fuyutsuki leaned back in his chair.

Misato stared up at the ceiling of the room. The tree. Creepy fucking thing.

"You know, you really don't have to do this. We can send someone else." Fuyutsuki offered again.

"No." Misato shook her head. "I'm going. I need to look out for them. I'm not letting some young gun fuck this up. The margin for error is too small."

"Mm. What kind of mother would you be, right?"

Misato chose not to respond, but the words did catch in her throat.

"Who are you taking with you?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"Hyuuga. Definitely. I think Endo, too. And Koga, that kid from Saga. He should be handy, countryside." Misato stood up and felt her spine pop. Ow. "I want the First, Third and Seventh."

"I can't do that." Fuyutsuki shook his head. "You can have the Third and Tenth. I'm sending the Seventh to our people up north. And the First is staying right here, in case they try something cute."

"Leave me with my ass hanging out why don't you. The Tenth are mostly new recruits. Thanks for the third, but out of the original three I asked for, they're the most under strength."

"But they're all veterans."

"Gee whiz. Thanks."

"You'll have two thousand more."

Misato stopped and waited for Fuyutsuki to elaborate.

"US Marines." Fuyutsuki sighed. "From the Nimitz Carrier Group."

"Wow. Someone owe you a favor? Whose command?"

"Colonel Gerard Gottschalk."

"Oh Lord." Misato laughed. "You want to send me any more crazies? Our civilian community liaison could be Tsutomu Miyazaki."

"For what we want to accomplish, I think you could possibly find a use for Gottschalk's temperaments." Fuyutsuki said evenly.

"Are…are you serious?" Misato tried to think about it, then tried to not think about it, then shrugged it off. "Never mind. If I think I need to do it…"

"You definitely won't tell me about it." Fuyutsuki cut her off.

Misato chewed on his words, then nodded.

"Yes, sir."

-------

On the plus side, Shinji and Asuka being redeployed meant that he would have a reprieve from actually having to pump them for information. It hurt Kensuke's head when he thought about it, and he could actually feel himself turning red as he thought about and relived the awkward moment he and Shinji had share in the restaurant. Shit. Why should he feel so embarrassed? He actually didn't do anything wrong. He didn't press too hard, he didn't get anything useful or damaging out of Shinji. And yet…fuck. Why? Why feel terrible? Kensuke had just tried to be himself. It was Shinji that was all over the place. It was his old friend that had been acting strangely. And then going over to Toji's place?

He supposed he could've tried to stop him. But…he just went along with it. Why? Did he hope to get something else out of the situation? Did he hope that getting Shinji with Toji might've yielded more information? No, no, he hadn't been thinking about that. But then, what had he been thinking? It certainly wasn't to get to know Shinji better. Well…maybe at first…but after supper he realized there wasn't anything to Shinji that he really wanted to know about.

Two half-assed nights hanging out with an old friend. Conclusion: After six years, Shinji's closet still wasn't clean. In fact, the number of skeletons in there seemed to have grown exponentially.

Kensuke caught a red light and braked. An intersection near their hotel. The engine idled. His car was the only car at the stop. And yet, it was red. What the fuck? And with his luck, if he gunned it, a cop would tear ass after him. And he still had that goddamn report to write for Maeda.

He heard a heavy sigh next to him and his skin prickled. He looked over.

Keiko's arms were crossed in front of her chest. She stared out of her window. Her breath made small clouds on the window.

"How you doing, hun?" Kensuke asked.

"Asshole." She replied.

Well, shit.

The light changed.

-------

Shinji helped undress Asuka. What time were they shipping out? He couldn't remember…more than that, he couldn't remember if they had been told at all. Where were they going? Oh yeah, Hainan. Well, he wasn't so drunk so that he couldn't remember where they were going. Which meant that he was probably sober enough to cook himself up a safe dose.

He pulled the sheets over Asuka. Her eyes were closed. When Rei had picked him up, he could smell the liquor coming off of her. He knew that she was stone drunk. She had been passed out in the passenger seat and remained that way until Rei had dropped them off at the apartment. Shinji had to sling her over his shoulder and help her onto the elevator, all the while trying to keep himself from falling the fuck over from his own inebriation. Blind leading the blind.

He was gonna have a hangover. No doubt about that. He wondered…he checked the drawers in his nightstand. Nothing. Fuck. Dresser drawers? Nope. Under the mattress? Bingo. A few buds of grass left. He shook his head and tried to clear it, tried to dampen the sick feeling that was rising up in his stomach. He pulled out some rolling papers and began to try and separate the leaves. After a few minutes of steady work, he managed to grind it all down. Sticky fingers. He tried to roll the joint but fumbled a few times. No way was it gonna work. What to do?

Into the bathroom, bent over the toilet. He put his finger to the back of his throat. Dry heave. Again. Dry heave. Fuck. Again. Dry heave. Again. Dry heave with some mucousy shit. Goddamnit. Again. It all came up. Fucking finally. Again. More came up. Again. Less came up. Again. Dry. He stayed above the toilet, breathing in the noxious smell of his stomach.

Flush. He rinsed his mouth out at the sink, brushed his teeth, and out of mild curiosity he checked to see if his gum-line was receding. Couldn't tell. He felt much better heading back to the bedroom. He sat down and finished rolling the joint.

"You gonna share that?" Asuka's exhaustion thick voice traveled to his ears with lead weights.

"Gag reflex. You shouldn't."

"I threw up already, earlier."

"This is for tomorrow. Pick me up."

"We're shipping out high?"

"No worse than we've ever been." Shinji put the joint and the remaining pot in his night stand.

"At least cook something up."

"I was going to." He popped a painkiller and pulled out the baggy.

"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Shinji felt pain knife its way into his chest. He closed his eyes and felt it deep.

"I love you." She repeated.

He felt the blade break off in him.

Those were the words that he wanted to hear. The words that he had always wanted to hear. The problem was that she was drunk. Those were the only times he had ever heard her say the words. It was when she was drunk, or when she was high, or when she was tired. She didn't really mean it.

"Did you hear me?"

Yes, he did. Just like he heard it all the other times that she had said it. And just like all the other times, she would probably wake up the next morning and not remember having said it. They would never speak of it again. So it would go.

"I mean it."

He pretended that she did. But knew that she didn't.

-------

Rei stepped out of her car and checked the time on her cell phone. Nearing one in the morning. She would have to schedule a meeting the next day, lunchtime or afternoon. Needed to get the word around, needed to round up the contacts, needed to grill some people.

Her apartment complex was the same as it had always been. The same small apartment in the same shitty complex, in the same shitty part of town. The only difference was that construction had actually been completed. Now a strip joint was down the way, and a few bars. If she was lucky, sometimes on weekends she would be woken up by loud voices, laughing, yelling, screaming. Drunk people.

Usually there were no cars in the designated parking spots next to the complex. No one who lived there actually had enough money for a car. So her unmarked, four door cruiser was usually the only thing there. When she had gotten her first cruiser, it had only been a couple of nights before it had been stolen. Of course, there was a tracker on it. The next day they had traced the car to a chop shop downtown. No police had been called in. But the boots had been put to the people who ran the chop shop. Then the boots had been put to their bosses. And the actual thieves got their share. She never had another car stolen.

However, as she pulled into her parking space, she couldn't help but notice another car parked on the far side of the parking lot. Odd. She couldn't make the model or year. After locking her car, she turned her back on the suspicious vehicle and headed toward her apartment. She heard the crunching of gravel. Thank God for that. She didn't turn around.

Pick up the pace. So did the crunching behind her. But they were still getting closer. Maybe forty feet. She ducked into the stairwell and headed up a flight, but ducked onto the second floor instead of continuing to her floor. So far she was impressed with them, but hoped that they were stupid enough to keep going without listening for her.

Yes they were. They passed the second floor started up to the third. She drew her gun and stepped back into the stairwell, checking down before pointing up. Downstairs clear. Two dark figures on the stairs heading up.

"Freeze." She said. "I have a gun on you. You move, you die."

"Easy, boss."

Shit. Kuriki. But they kept their hands raised anyway.

"What are doing, following me like that?" Rei lowered her gun. "Put your hands down."

"You weren't picking up, and it's not like we were gonna just call out. Sensitive material." They turned.

The second man was Harada.

"You two disappoint me. I got the drop on you. Didn't you hear my footsteps stop?" Rei holstered her pistol and pulled out her pack, lighting one.

"Sorry, I guess we weren't expecting that." Harada took a seat on one of the steps.

"So what's so important? If it's about Shinji, you don't have to worry, I knew that he was with Kensuke."

"That's not it." Kuriki shook his head and reached into his jacket.

Rei had to suppress the reflex to grab for her pistol again.

"Take a look at this." Kuriki handed her a thin file. "Suda and Saito got word to us this afternoon that you wanted us to get checking on some things. They said that you sounded a little urgent, well, as urgent as you can sound I guess." He chuckled.

"So what's this?" Rei opened the file and used her lighter to read in the dark.

"Well, I know someone at the Prefecture Attorney's Office, and it just so happened she was working today. I got her to let me in just before the offices closed, so I was able to do a quick once over a few desks, grabbed some memos and shit like that." Kuriki lit his own cigarette. "Mostly bullshit, but I did find that gem on the desk of one Assistant Prefecture Attorney Wataru Suzuki."

Rei read the letter and smiled to herself.

_FROM: MOCHIZUKI MOTOHARU_

_TO: YOSHIDA NARIAKI_

_CC: SUZUKI WATARU, YAMANE OTOYA, HARA DAISUKE, HAYASHI HAKUBA_

_Mr. Yoshida, regarding the Prime Minister's concern with the recent developments, please inform him that he has nothing to worry about. We are not concerned with dragging NERV's name through the mud, nor are we concerned with any "publicity stunts." Our investigation has been going on quietly for a while now and we see no need to go public anytime soon, or ever, that is, up until the point where the investigation comes to a close._

_While we are making steady progress in our investigation, we are still in the information gathering stage. We do not see the end of this project coming to close anytime in the near future. However, that being said, please impress upon the Prime Minister the importance of finding suitable replacements for all high ranking positions within NERV immediately. I understand that this can hardly be done quietly, but please remind him that he should still use discretion as we do not want the UN to get wind that one of their organizations is being scrutinized, for obvious reasons._

_Positions the Prime Minister should be looking to replace: Commander, Sub-Commander, Director of Section-2, Tactical Operations Director, Evangelion Pilots (aka Children.)_

_I will, of course, keep you informed of all aspects of our investigation. Take care and send the Prime Minister my regards._

_Your Most Humble Servant,_

_Motoharu Mochizuki_

_Prefecture Attorney, Tokyo-3_

"Very good work." The news was terrible, of course, and confirmed her worst suspicions, but she could feel her blood pumping. It excited her in a way. And better yet, knowing that it was there and letting it ride gave them an edge. Rei actually felt frisky. "What about you?"

"Nothing." Harada shrugged. "Nothing yet anyway. I jumped on it, about halfway through."

"Keep on it."

"Really?" Harada scratched his head. "But they just said in the letter that the Director of Section-2 was one of the targets."

"No, they said that the Director of Section-2 would probably need to be replaced. If he flipped then they would still need someone to take his place, since there would be no way that they could keep using him in that position." She tucked the folder beneath her arm. "Call in tomorrow at about eleven in the morning. We need to have a squad meeting."

"Got it, boss." Kuriki and Harada took their leave, and Rei stood by herself in the stairwell, smoking.

She smiled. It was going to be fun.

**End Chapter 3**

-------

**Writer's Notes:**** Chapter 3. After what seems like forever. Apologies. All reviews, comments, and criticisms are welcome and greatly appreciated. Oh yeah, I can't forget…www dot evafics dot org. Yes, we are still alive there.**


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